How to Stop Judging and Criticizing People

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Pause when you have a judgmental thought.

   Judgmental thinking is often automatic, so you will need to learn how to put the brakes on it now and then.
   
   Try to pay more attention to your judgmental thoughts and stop to examine them when you have them.When you notice that you are having a critical thought, the first thing you will need to do is acknowledge it.
   
   For example, if you notice yourself thinking, “I can’t believe she would let her child leave the house like that,” then stop and acknowledge that you are judging someone.
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   Step 2: Challenge your judgmental thinking.

   Once you have identified a critical or judgmental thought, then you will need to challenge it.
   
   You can challenge the thought by thinking about the assumptions that you are making about people.For example, by thinking, “I can’t believe she would let her child leave the house like that,” you are assuming that the woman is a bad mother or that she does not care about her child.
   
   However, the reality might be that the mother had an unusually hectic morning and that she feels embarrassed that her child is wearing a shirt with a stain on it or that her child’s hair is messy. , After you have examined your assumptions about the situation, then you will need to find a way to practice compassion towards the person you are judging.
   
   Try to find some way to excuse the behavior.For example, you might excuse the mother with the messy child by thinking to yourself, “It is hard to raise children and sometimes things don’t go as planned.
   
   I know that I have had times where my child left the house with a messy shirt (or when I left the house with a messy shirt).” , Focusing on the things that you like or even love about someone may also help you to avoid making snap judgments and appreciate the person instead.
   
   Try to think about the things that you admire about the people in your life to help prevent you from criticizing them.For example, you might remind yourself that your co-worker is kind and always listens when you want to tell her something.
   
   Or, you might remind yourself that your friend is creative and makes you laugh.
   
   Try to focus on these positive traits instead of focusing on the negative ones. , If you feel like people are indebted to you, then this can also contribute to a sense that you should be critical of them and cause you to feel resentful.
   
   Instead, try to forget about the ways that you have helped others and instead think of what they have done for you.For example, you might feel resentful towards a friend because you lent him money and he still has not repaid you for it.
   
   Instead, try to focus on all the good things a friend has done for you. , People sometimes fail to achieve their goals because the goals are too abstract and stopping all critical or judgmental behavior is a big goal.
   
   You might find it easier to work on some targeted aspects of this larger goal.
   
   Try to think about what aspects of judging and criticizing others you really want to change.For example, do you want to compliment people more often? Or do you want to find ways to offer constructive criticism to people? Try to make your goals as specific as possible to increase your chances of achieving them.
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   Step 3: Try to be understanding.

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   Step 4: Identify other people’s strengths.

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   Step 5: Forget about the things you have done for someone else.

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   Step 6: Find ways to clarify your goals.

Detailed Guide

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