How to Stop Yourself from Giving an Ultimatum
Calm down first., Ask yourself why you feel so badly that you can see no other alternative but to make it into a final choice., Ask yourself if what you really want is to have a sense of power or control over a situation., Think clearly and plan...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Calm down first.
You cannot achieve anything while you are feeling really angry and self-pitying about a situation.
You are being driven by emotions that are not necessarily in your best interests and it is really important to sleep on your need to give an ultimatum.
Remember that fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Hot-headed retaliation can have you nursing a broken job/relationship/friendship/pursuit for years to follow, all because your stubborn pride wanted you to hold out right here, right now. -
Step 2: Ask yourself why you feel so badly that you can see no other alternative but to make it into a final choice.
It is really important to assess whether there are acceptable alternatives and then to assess whether any alternatives that do exist are really so bad that you can't go with one of those rather than with the ultimatum.
Do not let your current feelings hold sway over the rest of your career/relationship/hobby/life, etc. , Is it, in reality, a situation that really cannot be controlled or managed by one person alone but is a team or collaborative effort that you might be feeling left out of, or inadequately fulfilled by? Remember that the fault may lie with you, not with the person or situation that you want to throw the ultimatum at. , In the business and political world, an ultimatum is not given lightly but when it is given, it only comes about after a lot of careful planning, including prior assessment of the other alternatives, as well as the consequences, and much debating over the options to reach a conclusion that the ultimatum is the only way forward that will really produce change or effective action.
You should do the same; after considering the alternatives as outlined in step two, think through the consequences of an ultimatum.
You will need to really mean what you say and follow through with an ultimatum if it does not get the desired result.
Can you live with that? Is it really what you want? , In the morning, read it through.
Does it still sound like a good option? Or are you beginning to see cracks in the whole thing? Any doubt should be seized upon as an opportunity to reassess and to err on the side of caution.
The act of having to write it out and read it through can be very sobering and can soon expose cracks on your anger. , Get hold of a trusted friend, colleague, or family member and spell things out to them and use them as a sounding board.
This must be a neutral party who has not been involved in the situation concerning the ultimatum.
Have them listen to your concerns and then actively listen to how they perceive your concerns.
Take on board any suggestions they might have about you behaving rashly or unwisely.
If, however, they do confirm your action, this might help you to plan better as to what to do next. , Go for a walk, a run, a workout at the gym.
Do something really physical to tire you out and re-energize you.
After, come back to thinking about the worth of the ultimatum.
Once your head is clear from the fresh air, exertion, and physical release, you can often think more clearly.
Is it still worth it? , It might be helpful to have a visualized or real ceremony to let go of the issue or person driving you to want to make an ultimatum.
Imagine letting go of the problem
- visualize yourself at the top of a cliff, letting go the problem to the arms of the wind or the waves of the sea.
Keep re-imaging until it feels as if you have let go thoroughly.
Or, better still, write down the problem on a piece of paper and go to a real place to let go of it
- flowing water is always a good choice because it carries away your paper, and with it your problem. -
Step 3: Ask yourself if what you really want is to have a sense of power or control over a situation.
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Step 4: Think clearly and plan.
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Step 5: Write down your ultimatum and stick it under your pillow.
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Step 6: Dial a friend.
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Step 7: Exercise.
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Step 8: Let go.
Detailed Guide
You cannot achieve anything while you are feeling really angry and self-pitying about a situation.
You are being driven by emotions that are not necessarily in your best interests and it is really important to sleep on your need to give an ultimatum.
Remember that fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Hot-headed retaliation can have you nursing a broken job/relationship/friendship/pursuit for years to follow, all because your stubborn pride wanted you to hold out right here, right now.
It is really important to assess whether there are acceptable alternatives and then to assess whether any alternatives that do exist are really so bad that you can't go with one of those rather than with the ultimatum.
Do not let your current feelings hold sway over the rest of your career/relationship/hobby/life, etc. , Is it, in reality, a situation that really cannot be controlled or managed by one person alone but is a team or collaborative effort that you might be feeling left out of, or inadequately fulfilled by? Remember that the fault may lie with you, not with the person or situation that you want to throw the ultimatum at. , In the business and political world, an ultimatum is not given lightly but when it is given, it only comes about after a lot of careful planning, including prior assessment of the other alternatives, as well as the consequences, and much debating over the options to reach a conclusion that the ultimatum is the only way forward that will really produce change or effective action.
You should do the same; after considering the alternatives as outlined in step two, think through the consequences of an ultimatum.
You will need to really mean what you say and follow through with an ultimatum if it does not get the desired result.
Can you live with that? Is it really what you want? , In the morning, read it through.
Does it still sound like a good option? Or are you beginning to see cracks in the whole thing? Any doubt should be seized upon as an opportunity to reassess and to err on the side of caution.
The act of having to write it out and read it through can be very sobering and can soon expose cracks on your anger. , Get hold of a trusted friend, colleague, or family member and spell things out to them and use them as a sounding board.
This must be a neutral party who has not been involved in the situation concerning the ultimatum.
Have them listen to your concerns and then actively listen to how they perceive your concerns.
Take on board any suggestions they might have about you behaving rashly or unwisely.
If, however, they do confirm your action, this might help you to plan better as to what to do next. , Go for a walk, a run, a workout at the gym.
Do something really physical to tire you out and re-energize you.
After, come back to thinking about the worth of the ultimatum.
Once your head is clear from the fresh air, exertion, and physical release, you can often think more clearly.
Is it still worth it? , It might be helpful to have a visualized or real ceremony to let go of the issue or person driving you to want to make an ultimatum.
Imagine letting go of the problem
- visualize yourself at the top of a cliff, letting go the problem to the arms of the wind or the waves of the sea.
Keep re-imaging until it feels as if you have let go thoroughly.
Or, better still, write down the problem on a piece of paper and go to a real place to let go of it
- flowing water is always a good choice because it carries away your paper, and with it your problem.
About the Author
Gerald Anderson
A seasoned expert in technology and innovation, Gerald Anderson combines 16 years of experience with a passion for teaching. Gerald's guides are known for their clarity and practical value.
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