How to Survive a Messy Roommate

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Be honest and straightforward.

   Be as specific as possible about the messiness that you find difficult to live with.
   
   For example, if her dirty dishes piled up in the sink are making your blood boil, try asking,“Could you try to wash your dishes after you’ve used them?” Tell her what you’d like to see change about keeping your shared living area tidy, and realize that you’ll likely need to be willing to compromise.
   
   For instance, in the example above, you may need to add, “I know sometimes we can both get busy and may not always wash our dishes the very same day they’re used, but maybe we can try to make sure they’re washed the same day most of the time…” Don’t talk to other people about your roommate’s messiness unless you’ve first spoken directly to your roommate.
   
   Your roommate won’t appreciate learning about your feelings through someone else.
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   Step 2: Avoid accusations.

   Starting out conversations by telling your roommate all about her messiness is likely to result in hurt feelings, defensiveness, and/or bitter words.
   
   Instead of focussing everything on your roommate’s messiness, point out areas where you could improve as well.
   
   Ask your roommate if there’s anything she would like you to do differently.Don’t use phrases like, “I can’t believe you do this…” or “That’s so gross!” Instead, say, “I can get annoyed when there are too many dirty dishes in the sink.
   
   I’ll try to make sure to empty out the dishwasher, if you’ll be sure to put your dirty dishes in when they’re finished.” Being open to compromise will help this conversation be more productive. , Remember, it’s likely (or, at least possible) that your roommate has no idea that her habits are bothering you.
   
   If you’re going to point out problems, be prepared to offer solutions as well.For example, “It would be great if you could clean up after you have your friends over.
   
   I don’t mind helping out if you need me to.” Remember that different people have different standards and expectations regarding cleanliness and hygiene.
   
   It’s likely you do things that your roommate finds unacceptable as well.
   
   The best solutions will take all perspectives into account. , Remember that your roommate has the right to maintain her own standards within her own area, whether it’s a bedroom or just her own bed and closet.
   
   Focus on the areas that you share together, such as a kitchen, bathroom, living area, or hallway.For example, you might say, “It’s really important to me that there not be dirty clothes in shared spaces.
   
   I try to keep all my clothes in my bedroom (or, on my side of the room).
   
   Do you think you could try this too?” If there is the likeliness of bug infestation or mold from your roommate’s hygiene habits, this might require that you suggest changes to her personal area as well.
   
   However, most of the time a messy roommate’s habits are just distasteful. , If you’ve had a conversation and nothing has changed, or if you’re still putting off talking to your roommate about the problem, you might be tempted to take passive-aggressive moves to rile your roommate into action.
   
   This should be avoided, because it’s likely to provoke a worse response.For example, becoming messier yourself so that you’re making your roommate miserable with your own messiness is unlikely to help improve your satisfaction.
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   Step 3: Propose solutions.

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   Step 4: Set boundaries about common spaces.

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   Step 5: Avoid passive-aggressive acts of revenge.

Detailed Guide

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