How to Take Control of Your Life
Define control., Accept yourself., Consider your values., Cultivate good character traits., Decide what motivates you., Create goals., Get control of your emotions., Let go of baggage.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Define control.
Figure out what taking control of your life means to you.
Is it the ability to influence your destiny, regulate your present, keep your negative behavior in check, or do you simply want more willpower? Taking control of your life requires working through multiple challenges, including your own perceptions, building self-confidence as well as taking an action.
Determine what you want more control over, and that will help focus your energy., The first step to succeeding in anything is to know and accept your strengths and limitations.
Show compassion for yourself.
Accept not only the good but the bad too.
Always strive to improve the things you don’t like or that you struggle with.
Understand why you do what you do and forgive yourself.
Self reflection is healthy and positive.
Self-criticism and feeling guilty are unproductive behaviors that do more harm than good, so if you catch yourself in one of these patterns, remind yourself that there are healthier ways for you to work things out.
Understand that you have done the best you could, and repeatedly tell yourself this.Think of three things right now that you excel at, receive many compliments for or truly enjoy doing.
Write them down and put the list somewhere you go often, like a bathroom or on the refrigerator. , You need to determine what your values are so that you can get your priorities straight.
Think about what and who is important to you — Is it freedom, happiness, equality, money, your family? Write down a list of your values (at least 10 of them), preferably in order from most important to least important.Think about what you are doing right now to support each of your values, and how your values are affecting your life.
It can help to consider what a person that you respect would think of your values and whether this would change what they are.
Decide what you have to do to boost your self-esteem and satisfaction with life.
Think about the person you want to be and what character traits, ways of thinking, behavior patterns, and life you would have as that person. , When you improve beneficial character traits and virtues, you will gain more control over your life.
This is because having these traits will encourage you to obtain your goals and taken on other qualities that you want.
Good traits to work on for this purpose are courage, temperance, wisdom, and self-discipline.
Having courage means you draw on your strength and willpower to accomplish what you need or want to, despite some form of adversity.
For example, this can be taking a business risk, doing well in school, or some selfless act that sets you apart from others.
Courage is the opposite of fear, and can be developed by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, acknowledging your fears, exposing yourself to the things you are afraid of, and doing acts that are considered courageous regularly.Temperance (moderation or self-restraint) is important because it allows you to maintain perspective, calmness, self-control.
For instance, showing restraint from arrogance by behaving with humility can prevent you from destroying relationships.
Wisdom encourages you to gain knowledge and experience so that you can use information for a higher purpose, such as in service of humanity or living a good life.
You gain wisdom through trying new experiences, trial and error, and seeking knowledge.
Self-discipline is imperative to gaining control of your life because it allows you to put all your intentions into action.
This skill is developed over time and with practice as you accomplish each smaller goal on the way to achieving a larger vision.
Always visualize your goals like you have already met them.
Practice self-control every day by making small changes and sticking to them, even something like opening every door with your left hand.
Being successful at these small changes will make the larger ones easier., Many of us have a passion—something that we enjoy and that drives us to succeed.
Think about what you would like to do in life if nothing stood in your way.
If you don’t know, then you will need to write down the activities you like to do that make you feel good.
Consider what inspires you as well as your skills and talents. , Find out what you really want out of life this year — a house, a good job, a healthy relationship? Write each goal down, and then come up with ideas that can help you accomplish that goal.
Write these ideas down into positive action statements, such as, “I will save up money.” Then, go over all your goals and ideas, and decide on three goals and three action statements for each one that you will do.Avoid statements like this, “I don’t want to be shy anymore and keep being lonely.” This doesn’t define a direction to go or an action to take to meet your goal.
Instead, try something like: "I will be more open to building relationships with this year by saying "yes" to every social invitation and asking a friend to do something at least once a week." Consider your options.
Don’t define yourself by your problems but by the opportunities available to you.If you are struggling to pay the mortgage, focus on how you can earn a raise, make extra money on the side, or change jobs, instead of ruminating on your lack of funds.
If you want, you can set goals according to different areas of your life, like work, health, relationships, etc.
Break goals down into short-term (daily, weekly) and more long-term (monthly, yearly) ones.
Examples might be: eat six servings of fruit and vegetables every day, work out four times a week or lose ten pounds this year.
Don’t be afraid to modify your goals and ideas as time goes on and you figure out what works and what doesn’t.
The point is that you take control of your life and the direction you are headed. , Emotions can be wonderful experiences but expressing them improperly can harm your ability to attain goals and damage relationships.
You need to learn how to understand, process and respond to your feelings in a way that is healthy and helpful to you.Use deep breathing and relaxation methods to help you calm down before saying or doing anything in response to a situation.
Breathe in for five seconds, hold it for five more seconds and breathe out for five more seconds.
Do this until you feel your physical responses, such as an increased heart-rate, become less intense.
Seek a healthy outlet for your emotions like talking to someone, keeping a journal or engaging in active activities like martial arts., Sometimes negative thoughts or experiences can be tough to let go — you may have a feeling that they define you, or they may be so habitual you may be afraid to be without them, or you may simply not know how to let go.
You must learn that you are not your problems and that they do not determine your worth as a person or how you make choices today.
Learning to let go of past baggage will help you become more solution-oriented, broaden your vision, and help you take control of your life.Practice mindfulness.
One way to free yourself from the past is to focus on the present.
With mindfulness, you are actively giving your attention to the present moment — how you feel in your body, how the sun feels on your face — just observing.Instead of judging your thoughts (or yourself), you observe and note them.Mindfulness takes practice, but the benefits can be enormous.
Make amends.
If you are haunted by a mistake in your past, then it may help you to make amends.If you judge yourself for the way you teased your little sister, reach out to her (it can be face-to-face or in a letter), apologizing for your behavior.
Give her the chance to tell you how she feels.
Be aware that making amends may not repair a damaged relationship, but it can help you let go of the past and move forward. -
Step 2: Accept yourself.
-
Step 3: Consider your values.
-
Step 4: Cultivate good character traits.
-
Step 5: Decide what motivates you.
-
Step 6: Create goals.
-
Step 7: Get control of your emotions.
-
Step 8: Let go of baggage.
Detailed Guide
Figure out what taking control of your life means to you.
Is it the ability to influence your destiny, regulate your present, keep your negative behavior in check, or do you simply want more willpower? Taking control of your life requires working through multiple challenges, including your own perceptions, building self-confidence as well as taking an action.
Determine what you want more control over, and that will help focus your energy., The first step to succeeding in anything is to know and accept your strengths and limitations.
Show compassion for yourself.
Accept not only the good but the bad too.
Always strive to improve the things you don’t like or that you struggle with.
Understand why you do what you do and forgive yourself.
Self reflection is healthy and positive.
Self-criticism and feeling guilty are unproductive behaviors that do more harm than good, so if you catch yourself in one of these patterns, remind yourself that there are healthier ways for you to work things out.
Understand that you have done the best you could, and repeatedly tell yourself this.Think of three things right now that you excel at, receive many compliments for or truly enjoy doing.
Write them down and put the list somewhere you go often, like a bathroom or on the refrigerator. , You need to determine what your values are so that you can get your priorities straight.
Think about what and who is important to you — Is it freedom, happiness, equality, money, your family? Write down a list of your values (at least 10 of them), preferably in order from most important to least important.Think about what you are doing right now to support each of your values, and how your values are affecting your life.
It can help to consider what a person that you respect would think of your values and whether this would change what they are.
Decide what you have to do to boost your self-esteem and satisfaction with life.
Think about the person you want to be and what character traits, ways of thinking, behavior patterns, and life you would have as that person. , When you improve beneficial character traits and virtues, you will gain more control over your life.
This is because having these traits will encourage you to obtain your goals and taken on other qualities that you want.
Good traits to work on for this purpose are courage, temperance, wisdom, and self-discipline.
Having courage means you draw on your strength and willpower to accomplish what you need or want to, despite some form of adversity.
For example, this can be taking a business risk, doing well in school, or some selfless act that sets you apart from others.
Courage is the opposite of fear, and can be developed by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, acknowledging your fears, exposing yourself to the things you are afraid of, and doing acts that are considered courageous regularly.Temperance (moderation or self-restraint) is important because it allows you to maintain perspective, calmness, self-control.
For instance, showing restraint from arrogance by behaving with humility can prevent you from destroying relationships.
Wisdom encourages you to gain knowledge and experience so that you can use information for a higher purpose, such as in service of humanity or living a good life.
You gain wisdom through trying new experiences, trial and error, and seeking knowledge.
Self-discipline is imperative to gaining control of your life because it allows you to put all your intentions into action.
This skill is developed over time and with practice as you accomplish each smaller goal on the way to achieving a larger vision.
Always visualize your goals like you have already met them.
Practice self-control every day by making small changes and sticking to them, even something like opening every door with your left hand.
Being successful at these small changes will make the larger ones easier., Many of us have a passion—something that we enjoy and that drives us to succeed.
Think about what you would like to do in life if nothing stood in your way.
If you don’t know, then you will need to write down the activities you like to do that make you feel good.
Consider what inspires you as well as your skills and talents. , Find out what you really want out of life this year — a house, a good job, a healthy relationship? Write each goal down, and then come up with ideas that can help you accomplish that goal.
Write these ideas down into positive action statements, such as, “I will save up money.” Then, go over all your goals and ideas, and decide on three goals and three action statements for each one that you will do.Avoid statements like this, “I don’t want to be shy anymore and keep being lonely.” This doesn’t define a direction to go or an action to take to meet your goal.
Instead, try something like: "I will be more open to building relationships with this year by saying "yes" to every social invitation and asking a friend to do something at least once a week." Consider your options.
Don’t define yourself by your problems but by the opportunities available to you.If you are struggling to pay the mortgage, focus on how you can earn a raise, make extra money on the side, or change jobs, instead of ruminating on your lack of funds.
If you want, you can set goals according to different areas of your life, like work, health, relationships, etc.
Break goals down into short-term (daily, weekly) and more long-term (monthly, yearly) ones.
Examples might be: eat six servings of fruit and vegetables every day, work out four times a week or lose ten pounds this year.
Don’t be afraid to modify your goals and ideas as time goes on and you figure out what works and what doesn’t.
The point is that you take control of your life and the direction you are headed. , Emotions can be wonderful experiences but expressing them improperly can harm your ability to attain goals and damage relationships.
You need to learn how to understand, process and respond to your feelings in a way that is healthy and helpful to you.Use deep breathing and relaxation methods to help you calm down before saying or doing anything in response to a situation.
Breathe in for five seconds, hold it for five more seconds and breathe out for five more seconds.
Do this until you feel your physical responses, such as an increased heart-rate, become less intense.
Seek a healthy outlet for your emotions like talking to someone, keeping a journal or engaging in active activities like martial arts., Sometimes negative thoughts or experiences can be tough to let go — you may have a feeling that they define you, or they may be so habitual you may be afraid to be without them, or you may simply not know how to let go.
You must learn that you are not your problems and that they do not determine your worth as a person or how you make choices today.
Learning to let go of past baggage will help you become more solution-oriented, broaden your vision, and help you take control of your life.Practice mindfulness.
One way to free yourself from the past is to focus on the present.
With mindfulness, you are actively giving your attention to the present moment — how you feel in your body, how the sun feels on your face — just observing.Instead of judging your thoughts (or yourself), you observe and note them.Mindfulness takes practice, but the benefits can be enormous.
Make amends.
If you are haunted by a mistake in your past, then it may help you to make amends.If you judge yourself for the way you teased your little sister, reach out to her (it can be face-to-face or in a letter), apologizing for your behavior.
Give her the chance to tell you how she feels.
Be aware that making amends may not repair a damaged relationship, but it can help you let go of the past and move forward.
About the Author
Rebecca White
Creates helpful guides on home improvement to inspire and educate readers.
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