How to Tell if You Are Codependent
Notice if you are codependent., See if you exhibit codependent behaviors., Ask yourself questions that reflect codependent behaviors., Determine if you have feelings caused by codependency., Know if you are in a relationship that codependency can...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Notice if you are codependent.
Codependency, also known as relationship addiction, is an emotional and behavioral condition that can affect many different people.
If you are a codependent person, you may avoid personal uncomfortable or strong emotions in favor of focusing on another person’s needs.
In codependent relationships, you may focus solely on the well-being and needs of the other person in your relationship and completely ignores yourself, often to your own detriment. -
Step 2: See if you exhibit codependent behaviors.
There are a certain set of behaviors that you will exhibit if you are codependent.
Your may notice a few or all of these at one time or another throughout your life.
These behaviors include:
A tendency to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions, or masking your emotions with passive aggressive expressions of anger or humor Taking responsibility for other people's actions or overcompensation for a partner’s actions Misconceptions that love means rescuing another person, which leads to constant thoughts of the other person’s needs Giving more than your share in the relationship Tendency to hang on to a relationship no matter what due to your personal feelings of loyalty to your partner, even though the relationship is harmful, usually to avoid feelings of abandonment Difficulty saying no or having guilt over being assertive Extreme preoccupation with the opinions of others or valuing their opinions over your ownDifficulty communicating, identifying your own needs, or making decisionsFeeling resentment over lack of acknowledgment for your personal efforts and self-sacrifice, which often lead to feelings of guilt, If you aren't sure you are codependent based on your tendencies or behaviors, there are some questions you can ask yourself that can help reveal it.
These questions include:
Does/has the person you live with ever hit or abused you in any way? Do you have trouble turning people down when they ask for help? Do you get overwhelmed by how much you have to do, but never take the time to ask for help? Do you ever doubt your own wants or needs? Or not believe in who you want to become? Do you go out of your way to avoid an argument? Do you worry constantly about how others think about you? Do you think other people's opinions are more important than yours? Does the person you live with have a drinking or drug problem? Do you find it hard to adjust to changes in any environment? Do you get jealous or rejected when your partner spends times with friends/other people? Do you have a hard time accepting compliments or gifts from others?, If you are or have been in a codependent relationship for a long time, your continual pattern of repressed emotions, your fixation on the other’s needs, and the continual denial of your personal needs can cause lasting effects.
It leads to:
Feelings of emptiness Low self-esteem Confusion about your personal needs, goals, and feelings, Traditionally, codependency was limited to romantic relationships.
However, despite this common misconception, you can suffer from codependency in any type of relationship.
This includes familial and platonic relationships in addition to romantic ones.
Since it is passed down through families, there may be an instance where your entire familial unit exists or did exist in a codependent state, where all the needs of the family unit are put aside for the well-being of one member of the family., There are two categories of people in a codependent relationship.
Your role as the codependent individual is known as the ‘’caretaker’’, while the other individual in the relationship, who would be your partner or loved one, is known as the ‘’taker’’.
The takers typically have an excessive need for control of the attention, love, sexual relations, and approval they get and give.
They will often get these things through expressions of violence, blame, anger, irritation, criticism, neediness, righteousness, incessant talking, invasive touching, or emotional drama.
The taker individuals will often express these behaviors outside of the codependent relationship, which will affect their children, work relationships, and familial relationships., Codependency can start during childhood, so you might need to look for codependent behaviors in your children.
This is especially true if you find that you are codependent yourself.
Children will often exhibit similar behaviors as adults, but they may be more subtle because they are still learning the behaviors.
Common symptoms of codependent children include:
Inability to make decisions Extreme worry, stress, and/or anxiety Low self-esteem Extreme need to make other people happy Fear of being alone Being angry often Not being assertive in communication with others -
Step 3: Ask yourself questions that reflect codependent behaviors.
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Step 4: Determine if you have feelings caused by codependency.
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Step 5: Know if you are in a relationship that codependency can affect.
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Step 6: Determine if your partner fits the other role in a codependent relationship.
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Step 7: Recognize if your child is also codependent.
Detailed Guide
Codependency, also known as relationship addiction, is an emotional and behavioral condition that can affect many different people.
If you are a codependent person, you may avoid personal uncomfortable or strong emotions in favor of focusing on another person’s needs.
In codependent relationships, you may focus solely on the well-being and needs of the other person in your relationship and completely ignores yourself, often to your own detriment.
There are a certain set of behaviors that you will exhibit if you are codependent.
Your may notice a few or all of these at one time or another throughout your life.
These behaviors include:
A tendency to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions, or masking your emotions with passive aggressive expressions of anger or humor Taking responsibility for other people's actions or overcompensation for a partner’s actions Misconceptions that love means rescuing another person, which leads to constant thoughts of the other person’s needs Giving more than your share in the relationship Tendency to hang on to a relationship no matter what due to your personal feelings of loyalty to your partner, even though the relationship is harmful, usually to avoid feelings of abandonment Difficulty saying no or having guilt over being assertive Extreme preoccupation with the opinions of others or valuing their opinions over your ownDifficulty communicating, identifying your own needs, or making decisionsFeeling resentment over lack of acknowledgment for your personal efforts and self-sacrifice, which often lead to feelings of guilt, If you aren't sure you are codependent based on your tendencies or behaviors, there are some questions you can ask yourself that can help reveal it.
These questions include:
Does/has the person you live with ever hit or abused you in any way? Do you have trouble turning people down when they ask for help? Do you get overwhelmed by how much you have to do, but never take the time to ask for help? Do you ever doubt your own wants or needs? Or not believe in who you want to become? Do you go out of your way to avoid an argument? Do you worry constantly about how others think about you? Do you think other people's opinions are more important than yours? Does the person you live with have a drinking or drug problem? Do you find it hard to adjust to changes in any environment? Do you get jealous or rejected when your partner spends times with friends/other people? Do you have a hard time accepting compliments or gifts from others?, If you are or have been in a codependent relationship for a long time, your continual pattern of repressed emotions, your fixation on the other’s needs, and the continual denial of your personal needs can cause lasting effects.
It leads to:
Feelings of emptiness Low self-esteem Confusion about your personal needs, goals, and feelings, Traditionally, codependency was limited to romantic relationships.
However, despite this common misconception, you can suffer from codependency in any type of relationship.
This includes familial and platonic relationships in addition to romantic ones.
Since it is passed down through families, there may be an instance where your entire familial unit exists or did exist in a codependent state, where all the needs of the family unit are put aside for the well-being of one member of the family., There are two categories of people in a codependent relationship.
Your role as the codependent individual is known as the ‘’caretaker’’, while the other individual in the relationship, who would be your partner or loved one, is known as the ‘’taker’’.
The takers typically have an excessive need for control of the attention, love, sexual relations, and approval they get and give.
They will often get these things through expressions of violence, blame, anger, irritation, criticism, neediness, righteousness, incessant talking, invasive touching, or emotional drama.
The taker individuals will often express these behaviors outside of the codependent relationship, which will affect their children, work relationships, and familial relationships., Codependency can start during childhood, so you might need to look for codependent behaviors in your children.
This is especially true if you find that you are codependent yourself.
Children will often exhibit similar behaviors as adults, but they may be more subtle because they are still learning the behaviors.
Common symptoms of codependent children include:
Inability to make decisions Extreme worry, stress, and/or anxiety Low self-esteem Extreme need to make other people happy Fear of being alone Being angry often Not being assertive in communication with others
About the Author
Joshua Vasquez
Brings years of experience writing about lifestyle and related subjects.
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