How to Tell People You're Autistic
Take time to get to know the person or people you want to tell., Think about how to tell them., Choose a good time to tell them., Go to a private place to talk., Describe autism., Use an open, matter-of-fact tone., Be prepared for some ignorance or...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Take time to get to know the person or people you want to tell.
If you have opportunities to do things together like see a movie, have a spend over, etc; this can prove to be very helpful. -
Step 2: Think about how to tell them.
It may help to script an explanation of autism beforehand.
Deciding how to phrase things can help you feel more confident and prepared. , Wait for a quiet time, when you'll be able to talk without feeling pressed for time.
Go for when they feel relaxed and the conversation won't be rushed.
Weekends are usually more relaxed times. , This conversation works best one-on-one, so they have time to think, and no one else will interrupt you or overhear.
Good places to talk include...
A park The car (on a long drive) Your or their bedroom , They may have heard some inaccurate or dehumanizing information about autism, so let them know that the disability is not understood very well.
Then explain your biggest or most noticeable symptoms in terms of autism, so they know how it affects you personally. "Autism is a pretty misunderstood disability.
It's why I have trouble understanding people sometimes, and need to hang out in quieter places so I don't get distracted or overwhelmed.
It also explains why my body language is a little different, and it's part of the reason I'm good at writing code." You may want to give them a window into your life, such as reflecting on how it has impacted you or explaining how it changes (and doesn't change) your daily life. , How you talk about autism can help set the tone for how they think of it.
If you talk about it like a fact (the same way you'd say you have a degree in biomedical engineering or you really like cats), then they will think it's okay, and they won't worry about you much. , Because most people don't understand autism, they may think of stereotypes or say offensive things by accident.
It can help to script responses to awkward and rude reactions.
Be patient with them.
They probably mean well and don't realize they are being rude or hurtful.
Recognize that occasionally, their knee-jerk reaction may be more negative than their true feelings.
If they are not accepting straight away, it may be because they are startled and need some time to sort through the information.
Give it time and see if they respond better tomorrow or next week. , If you're telling them in confidence, make this clear, so that they won't accidentally tell someone whom you aren't comfortable with.
Being clear will prevent future confusion.
For example: "I'd prefer to keep this in the family." "I'm pretty open about it, so if it's relevant to a conversation, I'm okay with you telling other people." "I'm okay with people knowing that I'm disabled, but because of stigma, I'd rather not use the word autism except with my close friends." "I want the people close to me to know.
I haven't told my brother yet.
Could you be there when I do?"
Because autism isn't understood well, the person might have questions or misunderstandings that they would like you to clarify.
Listen closely and give them an answer as well as you can.
If you don't know the answer or don't have the time/interest to educate them, try a website like ASAN, the Autism Women's Network, or LifeGuide Hub. -
Step 3: Choose a good time to tell them.
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Step 4: Go to a private place to talk.
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Step 5: Describe autism.
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Step 6: Use an open
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Step 7: matter-of-fact tone.
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Step 8: Be prepared for some ignorance or unintentional rudeness.
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Step 9: Tell them whether this is public or private information.
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Step 10: Give time for questions and answers.
Detailed Guide
If you have opportunities to do things together like see a movie, have a spend over, etc; this can prove to be very helpful.
It may help to script an explanation of autism beforehand.
Deciding how to phrase things can help you feel more confident and prepared. , Wait for a quiet time, when you'll be able to talk without feeling pressed for time.
Go for when they feel relaxed and the conversation won't be rushed.
Weekends are usually more relaxed times. , This conversation works best one-on-one, so they have time to think, and no one else will interrupt you or overhear.
Good places to talk include...
A park The car (on a long drive) Your or their bedroom , They may have heard some inaccurate or dehumanizing information about autism, so let them know that the disability is not understood very well.
Then explain your biggest or most noticeable symptoms in terms of autism, so they know how it affects you personally. "Autism is a pretty misunderstood disability.
It's why I have trouble understanding people sometimes, and need to hang out in quieter places so I don't get distracted or overwhelmed.
It also explains why my body language is a little different, and it's part of the reason I'm good at writing code." You may want to give them a window into your life, such as reflecting on how it has impacted you or explaining how it changes (and doesn't change) your daily life. , How you talk about autism can help set the tone for how they think of it.
If you talk about it like a fact (the same way you'd say you have a degree in biomedical engineering or you really like cats), then they will think it's okay, and they won't worry about you much. , Because most people don't understand autism, they may think of stereotypes or say offensive things by accident.
It can help to script responses to awkward and rude reactions.
Be patient with them.
They probably mean well and don't realize they are being rude or hurtful.
Recognize that occasionally, their knee-jerk reaction may be more negative than their true feelings.
If they are not accepting straight away, it may be because they are startled and need some time to sort through the information.
Give it time and see if they respond better tomorrow or next week. , If you're telling them in confidence, make this clear, so that they won't accidentally tell someone whom you aren't comfortable with.
Being clear will prevent future confusion.
For example: "I'd prefer to keep this in the family." "I'm pretty open about it, so if it's relevant to a conversation, I'm okay with you telling other people." "I'm okay with people knowing that I'm disabled, but because of stigma, I'd rather not use the word autism except with my close friends." "I want the people close to me to know.
I haven't told my brother yet.
Could you be there when I do?"
Because autism isn't understood well, the person might have questions or misunderstandings that they would like you to clarify.
Listen closely and give them an answer as well as you can.
If you don't know the answer or don't have the time/interest to educate them, try a website like ASAN, the Autism Women's Network, or LifeGuide Hub.
About the Author
Gregory Taylor
Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.
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