How to Tell Someone You Lied

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Think about why you lied.

   Take some time to contemplate your actions and question your underlying motivations.
   
   It’s not that you’re trying to find an excuse for your behavior, but rather that you’re trying to more fully understand what happened and why.
   
   This self-evaluation can help you avoid similar behavior in the future, as well help the person you’re confessing to understand.If you see a therapist regularly, you can ask for their help in plumbing the issue.
   
   If not, you can try writing about your lie in a journal or self-reflection exercise and see if this gives you any insight.
2. 2

   Step 2: Identify who should hear your confession.

   You should tell anyone you may have injured in the course of your lie, as well as anyone to whom you lied.
   
   Sometimes this is straightforward.
   
   For example, if you lied on a job application, you need to tell the recruiting officer with whom you interviewed.
   
   Sometimes, though, the issue is less clear-cut: there might be people who you didn’t directly lie to or about, but who were or could be affected by the deception.
   
   For example, if you cheated on an exam, you should tell not only your teacher, but also your parents or close guardian who need to be aware of your behavior.
   
   If there are multiple parties to whom you should divulge your lie, do so on a one-on-one basis rather than grouping them together.
   
   This will make it easier for you to be direct and open, and it will also show those to whom you’re confessing that you respect and care enough to dedicate a one-on-one to them. , Although an impromptu chat can be productive, it’s usually best to assign a special time for your talk.
   
   This assures that you can gather your thoughts ahead of time and avoid problematic distractions like other peoples’ conversations or work obligations.Pick a time when you and the other person can think clearly.
   
   This means you probably want to avoid lunch break or the morning hours when people are often preoccupied with work problems., Sitting in someone’s living room can make it feel like one person has an advantage over the other, so think carefully about the location of your meeting before making the assignation.
   
   Public places like coffee shops or park benches can be a good idea, but make sure it’s not so busy that you get distracted or feel uncomfortable about talking about personal things in the proximity of strangers. , Looking someone in the eye denotes sincerity and can make a big impact as to how your confession is received.It can help to remember that, while you were wrong to lie, it’s a noble act to recognize and admit your wrongdoing.
   
   Allow yourself to be proud of your decision and acknowledge its bravery. , As clearly and concisely as possible, outline the lie which you told.
   
   Provide a reason or context for the lie if your interlocutor is willing to listen, but make sure it doesn’t sound like you’re trying to rationalize or excuse your wrongdoing.Use “I statements” when talking about your lie.
   
   This will help to make sure that you aren’t slipping into any accusatory or blame-dodging patterns., Studies have shown that conceding only partially to lying or other misbehavior detracts significantly from the concession’s positive effect on both confessor and the one who confesses.So, while it may make the conversation uncomfortable initially, try not to omit anything or soften the impact of your confession in other ways. , Once you’ve explained your falsehood, wrap up your confession with a sincere expression of regret.
   
   Show that you understand how hurtful and serious the transgression was and that you’ve thought about how it has affected others around you.
   
   You can’t be sure that you will be forgiven, but it’s still important to show your compunction.It can help to reassure your interlocutor that you have no expectations regarding their acceptance of your apology.
   
   This lets them know that you are apologizing for the right reasons—to admit your culpability for the simple sake of honesty—and not for wrong, self-serving reasons, such as feeling relieved or absolved by another’s forgiveness.Avoid hedging phrases which qualify and undermine your apology.
   
   Things like “I’m sorry if you were upset by what I did” are not real apologies but rather weak expressions of pity or compassion.
   
   You need to be direct and say “I’m sorry for what I did, period.” , Although the subject might be an emotional one for both of you, try to keep the tone of the conversation evenly measured and low-key.
   
   Getting emotional can muddle your ability to expression yourself, so, for the sake of your message, try to keep calm and carry on.If you’re worried about getting flustered or emotional and, consequently, getting off track, bring a “cheat sheet” with you.
   
   This can be a card or leaf of paper where you’ve outlined briefly the points you want to cover.
   
   Avoid drinking alcohol or coffee before or during your confession as this can make you more emotional or tense.
   
   Drink green or chamomile tea instead, as these have natural placating side-effects. , You should let your interlocutor tell you how they feel about your admission and how they want to proceed with your relationship.
   
   You’ve said your piece and now they deserve to say as little or as much as they wish.This doesn’t mean you have to tolerate abuse or other violent reactions.
   
   Just because you’ve done something wrong and admitted to it, you don’t deserve to undergo overly punitive measures.If the person reacts poorly, apologize again for your lie and withdraw as quickly as possible from the situation. , Show that you can be a reliable and trustworthy person after lying by mending your ways and being honest.
   
   The other person does not have to forgive or forget, but you can still improve personal integrity and habits.
3. 3

   Step 3: Set a time and date for your talk.

4. 4

   Step 4: Choose a neutral location.

5. 5

   Step 5: Maintain eye contact.

6. 6

   Step 6: Identify your lie.

7. 7

   Step 7: Tell the whole truth.

8. 8

   Step 8: Apologize.

9. 9

   Step 9: Stay calm.

10. 10

    Step 10: Listen.

11. 11

    Step 11: Be honest in the future.

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