How to Understand Codependency
Understand that codependency is not interdependency., See the first 5 definitions from Google., The codependent may be addicted to another person., Codependents can be like vacuum cleaners gone wild., See how a mature person has boundaries...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand that codependency is not interdependency.
We are all interdependent, and while there are many definitions for codependency, they all add up to "not interdependent".
Some popular definitions of codependency, with their respective references, are: "Non-matured personal interactions, often passed through generations within families". "Simply giving to get.
When you are trying to make a relationships work by trying to get all you can from the other person you will soon bankrupt the relationship." " ...a relational disease, or immaturity, generally passed down through families, that has become more prevalent as baby boomers retire". "Underdeveloped self esteem (no boundaries) combined with an inappropriate caring for others (invading a boundary), and an inappropriate reliance on another's response (invading a boundary), in a negatively reinforcing loop"."...an excessive or inappropriate caring for someone else that is oftentimes overlooked in relationships, but always leads to an unhealthy balance." -
Step 2: See the first 5 definitions from Google.
Unfortunately, most definitions of Codependency are of the symptoms. "Codependency (or codependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care-taking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life.
It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others...""...a condition that results in a dysfunctional relationship between the codependent and other people.
A codependent is addicted to helping someone.
They need to be needed.
This addiction is sometimes so strong, the codependent will cause the other person to continue to be needy.
This behavior is called enabling...""There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today.
The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser.
A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress... "We are set up to fail to get our needs met in Romantic Relationships because of the belief system we were taught in childhood and the messages we got from our society growing up.""As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims""As long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply
- using another person as our drug of choice.
That is not True Love
- nor is it Loving." "In its broadest sense, codependency can be defined as an addiction to people,behaviors, or things.
Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside.
To the codependent, control or lack of it is central to every aspect of life. , In this interpersonal codependency, the codependent has become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self
- personal identity
- is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. , Drawing to themselves not just other people, but also chemicals (alcohol or drugs, primarily) or things
- money, food, sexuality, work.
They struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves..." An appropriate addition to this last definition might be that a codependent is chronically uncentered, in a way that you are not; and their 'center,' or 'where their focus is,' will often veer toward you in a way that you can discern; it often has a child-like quality to it.
If this were an actual child, you would be OK with it. , Briefly, this means that there are things that it would be very difficult to talk them into; a codependent can usually be swayed much more easily, as they generally have a more poorly defined center. , Cope-With-a-Controlling-Person Stop-Being-a-People-Pleaser Deal-With-Intrusive,-Needy-Mother-In-Laws Recognize-Enabling-Behaviors , Codependency is a kind of caring; you will see its opposite in people who just...pathologically don't give a **** (about, seemingly, anything), or narcissism (which is probably "pathological anti-codependency"). , Labels such as controlling or type A, drama queen, people pleaser, doormat, wallflower, empath, etc, can be, and usually are, indications of a codependency.
Passive-aggressive or manic-depressive behavior is generally attributed to codependency.
While the controlling or "type A" labels might initially seem inappropriate when associated with codependency, understand that like narcissism, they are just a different, although still de-centered, "caring" reaction; "aggressive codependency," if you will. -
Step 3: The codependent may be addicted to another person.
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Step 4: Codependents can be like vacuum cleaners gone wild.
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Step 5: See how a mature person has boundaries.
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Step 6: Recognize these articles
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Step 7: within LifeGuide Hub
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Step 8: that link to "codependency".
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Step 9: See that while there are codependents
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Step 10: virtually anyone can exhibit codependency in certain situations.
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Step 11: Recognize that codependency masquerades as many of a society's most common individual psychoses.
Detailed Guide
We are all interdependent, and while there are many definitions for codependency, they all add up to "not interdependent".
Some popular definitions of codependency, with their respective references, are: "Non-matured personal interactions, often passed through generations within families". "Simply giving to get.
When you are trying to make a relationships work by trying to get all you can from the other person you will soon bankrupt the relationship." " ...a relational disease, or immaturity, generally passed down through families, that has become more prevalent as baby boomers retire". "Underdeveloped self esteem (no boundaries) combined with an inappropriate caring for others (invading a boundary), and an inappropriate reliance on another's response (invading a boundary), in a negatively reinforcing loop"."...an excessive or inappropriate caring for someone else that is oftentimes overlooked in relationships, but always leads to an unhealthy balance."
Unfortunately, most definitions of Codependency are of the symptoms. "Codependency (or codependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care-taking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life.
It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others...""...a condition that results in a dysfunctional relationship between the codependent and other people.
A codependent is addicted to helping someone.
They need to be needed.
This addiction is sometimes so strong, the codependent will cause the other person to continue to be needy.
This behavior is called enabling...""There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today.
The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser.
A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress... "We are set up to fail to get our needs met in Romantic Relationships because of the belief system we were taught in childhood and the messages we got from our society growing up.""As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims""As long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply
- using another person as our drug of choice.
That is not True Love
- nor is it Loving." "In its broadest sense, codependency can be defined as an addiction to people,behaviors, or things.
Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside.
To the codependent, control or lack of it is central to every aspect of life. , In this interpersonal codependency, the codependent has become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self
- personal identity
- is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. , Drawing to themselves not just other people, but also chemicals (alcohol or drugs, primarily) or things
- money, food, sexuality, work.
They struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves..." An appropriate addition to this last definition might be that a codependent is chronically uncentered, in a way that you are not; and their 'center,' or 'where their focus is,' will often veer toward you in a way that you can discern; it often has a child-like quality to it.
If this were an actual child, you would be OK with it. , Briefly, this means that there are things that it would be very difficult to talk them into; a codependent can usually be swayed much more easily, as they generally have a more poorly defined center. , Cope-With-a-Controlling-Person Stop-Being-a-People-Pleaser Deal-With-Intrusive,-Needy-Mother-In-Laws Recognize-Enabling-Behaviors , Codependency is a kind of caring; you will see its opposite in people who just...pathologically don't give a **** (about, seemingly, anything), or narcissism (which is probably "pathological anti-codependency"). , Labels such as controlling or type A, drama queen, people pleaser, doormat, wallflower, empath, etc, can be, and usually are, indications of a codependency.
Passive-aggressive or manic-depressive behavior is generally attributed to codependency.
While the controlling or "type A" labels might initially seem inappropriate when associated with codependency, understand that like narcissism, they are just a different, although still de-centered, "caring" reaction; "aggressive codependency," if you will.
About the Author
Alexander Palmer
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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