How to Act when You Dislike Your Teen's Date
Talk in private., Be direct about your concerns., Avoid making it about you., Reiterate your love for your child., Listen to their opinion.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Talk in private.
Pointing out your distaste for your child’s date when they are around can be a recipe for disaster.
What’s more, saying “I don’t like him/her” in someone’s face is just plain rude.
Your child is more likely to consider your point of view if you pull them aside and have the conversation in private.
Also, be sure to do this early on, and not spring this on your child at an awkward moment like right before they head out to prom.
You might start by asking about the state of the relationship: “So, you and David have been dating for a few weeks now.
How are things going?” Getting a feel for your child’s opinion of the relationship can help you frame your discussion.
Plus, depending on their response (“Umm, things aren’t going so well.
I think we’ll probably break things off”), you might no longer find a conversation necessary.
Another option is to ask what your teen finds appealing about their date.
This can help you to see their perspective and you may see positive qualities in the person that you did not notice before. -
Step 2: Be direct about your concerns.
Once you have gauged your child’s impression of their date, gently share your concerns.
Offer clear examples as to what rubs you the wrong way about their date.
Be thorough by providing details to support your apprehension.
You might say, “I don’t like the way he talks to you.
I heard him say the other day that you better not do this or that.
He comes off like you are a piece of property or someone who has to obey him.”If you are direct about your concerns, then in the future your teen might start to notice them on their own. , It's easy for parents to come off as living vicariously through their children, or sheltering their children from situations they went through.
Your concern is with your teen and their date, so try to maintain focus on the issue at hand rather than digressing into a lecture about your own teen romance drama.
For example, avoid saying something personal and judgmental like “I’ve seen that type before.” Make the discussion about your child by saying things like "You don't seem happy" or "You've stopped hanging with your friends since you started dating them."
It can be harsh to hear that your parent doesn't like your significant other.
Teens often get totally wrapped up in their love lives.
Showing any sort of disapproval could start a war between the two of you.
Take the time to remind your teen that you are doing this out of love for them.
Add in “I love you and I want the best for you.
I want you to be with someone who appreciates how amazing you are.”, Once you’ve said your piece, sit back and listen.
Show that you are willing to hear your child out and get their take on the matter.
A give and take discussion is especially important with teens who often feel like their parents value their opinions.Show you’re engaged and listening by waiting until your child has finished talking before replying.
Nod, shake your head, or gesture to indicate that you’re paying attention.
If you don’t understand, paraphrase by saying something like “So, you’re saying the way he talks to you is just a form of affection?” -
Step 3: Avoid making it about you.
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Step 4: Reiterate your love for your child.
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Step 5: Listen to their opinion.
Detailed Guide
Pointing out your distaste for your child’s date when they are around can be a recipe for disaster.
What’s more, saying “I don’t like him/her” in someone’s face is just plain rude.
Your child is more likely to consider your point of view if you pull them aside and have the conversation in private.
Also, be sure to do this early on, and not spring this on your child at an awkward moment like right before they head out to prom.
You might start by asking about the state of the relationship: “So, you and David have been dating for a few weeks now.
How are things going?” Getting a feel for your child’s opinion of the relationship can help you frame your discussion.
Plus, depending on their response (“Umm, things aren’t going so well.
I think we’ll probably break things off”), you might no longer find a conversation necessary.
Another option is to ask what your teen finds appealing about their date.
This can help you to see their perspective and you may see positive qualities in the person that you did not notice before.
Once you have gauged your child’s impression of their date, gently share your concerns.
Offer clear examples as to what rubs you the wrong way about their date.
Be thorough by providing details to support your apprehension.
You might say, “I don’t like the way he talks to you.
I heard him say the other day that you better not do this or that.
He comes off like you are a piece of property or someone who has to obey him.”If you are direct about your concerns, then in the future your teen might start to notice them on their own. , It's easy for parents to come off as living vicariously through their children, or sheltering their children from situations they went through.
Your concern is with your teen and their date, so try to maintain focus on the issue at hand rather than digressing into a lecture about your own teen romance drama.
For example, avoid saying something personal and judgmental like “I’ve seen that type before.” Make the discussion about your child by saying things like "You don't seem happy" or "You've stopped hanging with your friends since you started dating them."
It can be harsh to hear that your parent doesn't like your significant other.
Teens often get totally wrapped up in their love lives.
Showing any sort of disapproval could start a war between the two of you.
Take the time to remind your teen that you are doing this out of love for them.
Add in “I love you and I want the best for you.
I want you to be with someone who appreciates how amazing you are.”, Once you’ve said your piece, sit back and listen.
Show that you are willing to hear your child out and get their take on the matter.
A give and take discussion is especially important with teens who often feel like their parents value their opinions.Show you’re engaged and listening by waiting until your child has finished talking before replying.
Nod, shake your head, or gesture to indicate that you’re paying attention.
If you don’t understand, paraphrase by saying something like “So, you’re saying the way he talks to you is just a form of affection?”
About the Author
Samuel Garcia
Enthusiastic about teaching organization techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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