How to Be Less Needy with Your Spouse
Build self-worth., Pursue your own interests or hobbies., Allow your spouse to spend time alone., Match your partner’s level of affection., Seek professional therapy.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Build self-worth.
Perhaps the most important step in becoming less needy with your spouse is becoming more confident in yourself.
In practicing these exercises, you may realize that although you love your spouse, you don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, and that it’s natural to want to do things on your own.
Work on self-love to boost your self-confidence.
Identify the qualities you like about yourself and that you are proud of.
For example, perhaps you are an awesome cook.
You can emphasize these qualities by going out and providing support for others in your community.
In this example, you can take or teach cooking classes.
Tell yourself every day that you are worth it, you are smart, you are attractive, and you are capable.
If you have trouble doing this yourself, seek the help of a therapist.
Other ways to build self-worth include challenging yourself more often and learning new things.
When you overcome a difficult obstacle or develop a new skill you build self-efficacy, which in turn boosts your self-worth. -
Step 2: Pursue your own interests or hobbies.
Developing your own life outside of your spouse’s is another way to gain your independence.
A hallmark of a healthy relationship is both partners being able to have both separate and mutual interests.
Due to your clinginess, you probably already join in on many of your spouse’s activities.
So, now you need to consider what you like doing and cultivate some hobbies of your own.
Do not be afraid to reinvent yourself by identifying interests that you’ve been considering but have held back from because of fear or self-doubt.
You may also want to go back to school, join a club or group, or find additional ways to meet friends so that you have others to spend time with besides just your spouse., The truth is, everyone needs a little alone time.
This doesn’t mean that they don’t necessarily want to spend time with you; rather, they just want to spend some time with themselves.
Give your spouse the space and trust they need to be happy and your relationship will likely benefit as a result.
It may be difficult to give your spouse some room to breathe, but remind yourself that doing so may save your relationship.
This clingy behavior isn’t good for you, or for your spouse.
Resisting the urge to keep tabs on your spouse at all times and allowing them to have time alone or with friends and family will show your partner that you trust them, which may improve the marriage overall., When you think about it, most people give out the amount of affection they are comfortable with receiving.
If your partner isn’t very affectionate, but you are constantly giving hugs and kisses and demanding it in return, you may start to make them uncomfortable.
Instead, mirror their level of affection and attention.
For example, if you text your partner throughout the day, but only receive one or two from them, start sending out that same amount.
Rather than smothering them with affection when they walk through the door, allow them to make the first move.
Holding back a little bit may present a challenge initially, but it will likely be worth it in the end., Clinginess in relationships is often a hallmark of codependency, an unhealthy and one-sided relational dynamic.If you are unable to overcome your neediness, it may help to see a mental health therapist.
A therapist can work with you to examine your relational patterns, find the origin to clingy behavior, and learn healthier relationship skills.
You can find a therapist by asking your family doctor for a referral or by searching for counselors experienced in relationship issues online -
Step 3: Allow your spouse to spend time alone.
-
Step 4: Match your partner’s level of affection.
-
Step 5: Seek professional therapy.
Detailed Guide
Perhaps the most important step in becoming less needy with your spouse is becoming more confident in yourself.
In practicing these exercises, you may realize that although you love your spouse, you don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, and that it’s natural to want to do things on your own.
Work on self-love to boost your self-confidence.
Identify the qualities you like about yourself and that you are proud of.
For example, perhaps you are an awesome cook.
You can emphasize these qualities by going out and providing support for others in your community.
In this example, you can take or teach cooking classes.
Tell yourself every day that you are worth it, you are smart, you are attractive, and you are capable.
If you have trouble doing this yourself, seek the help of a therapist.
Other ways to build self-worth include challenging yourself more often and learning new things.
When you overcome a difficult obstacle or develop a new skill you build self-efficacy, which in turn boosts your self-worth.
Developing your own life outside of your spouse’s is another way to gain your independence.
A hallmark of a healthy relationship is both partners being able to have both separate and mutual interests.
Due to your clinginess, you probably already join in on many of your spouse’s activities.
So, now you need to consider what you like doing and cultivate some hobbies of your own.
Do not be afraid to reinvent yourself by identifying interests that you’ve been considering but have held back from because of fear or self-doubt.
You may also want to go back to school, join a club or group, or find additional ways to meet friends so that you have others to spend time with besides just your spouse., The truth is, everyone needs a little alone time.
This doesn’t mean that they don’t necessarily want to spend time with you; rather, they just want to spend some time with themselves.
Give your spouse the space and trust they need to be happy and your relationship will likely benefit as a result.
It may be difficult to give your spouse some room to breathe, but remind yourself that doing so may save your relationship.
This clingy behavior isn’t good for you, or for your spouse.
Resisting the urge to keep tabs on your spouse at all times and allowing them to have time alone or with friends and family will show your partner that you trust them, which may improve the marriage overall., When you think about it, most people give out the amount of affection they are comfortable with receiving.
If your partner isn’t very affectionate, but you are constantly giving hugs and kisses and demanding it in return, you may start to make them uncomfortable.
Instead, mirror their level of affection and attention.
For example, if you text your partner throughout the day, but only receive one or two from them, start sending out that same amount.
Rather than smothering them with affection when they walk through the door, allow them to make the first move.
Holding back a little bit may present a challenge initially, but it will likely be worth it in the end., Clinginess in relationships is often a hallmark of codependency, an unhealthy and one-sided relational dynamic.If you are unable to overcome your neediness, it may help to see a mental health therapist.
A therapist can work with you to examine your relational patterns, find the origin to clingy behavior, and learn healthier relationship skills.
You can find a therapist by asking your family doctor for a referral or by searching for counselors experienced in relationship issues online
About the Author
Bruce Reyes
A seasoned expert in media and communications, Bruce Reyes combines 1 years of experience with a passion for teaching. Bruce's guides are known for their clarity and practical value.
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