How to Be Responsive to Your Partner
Listen to your partner attentively., Ask clarifying questions., Validate their emotions., Demonstrate that you understand.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Listen to your partner attentively.
Show your responsiveness by giving your partner your complete attention when they are talking.
Resist the urge to interrupt or rush them to finish.
Use your own body language to encourage them to keep talking.
Turn your body to face them.
Lean forward.
Nod to show agreement.
Make appropriate eye contact.
Relax your arms in your lap or at your sides.
Depending on the context of the conversation, you may even take their hand into yours or caress their arm or shoulder. -
Step 2: Ask clarifying questions.
To better understand your partner’s message, ask questions.
Wait until they seem to have taken a pause before asking.
Then, you can ask specific questions that encourage your partner to expound more on a certain aspect of their message or to go deeper into what they are thinking and feeling.Clarifying questions might sound like, “What did you mean by exasperated?" or “Sounds like you could use a break.
Am I right?” , Validation is a key aspect of being a responsive partner.
To do this you have to listen for feelings language in your partner’s message.
Then, make a statement that shows your partner that you relate to or appreciate their unique feelings and perspective.If your partner's words or facial expression indicates anger or confusion, you can validate this by saying, “I can sense that this has gotten you very upset” or “You seem confused by the outcome.” , The best listeners listen to understand, not reply.
Paraphrase or summarize your partner’s message to show you comprehend what they’re trying to say.For instance, your partner says, "My mom and dad got in a fight and I think they might get a divorce.
I don't know what to do." You might repeat what you heard in your own words by saying, “Let me see if I understand this correctly.
Your parents had a big fight and you're worried this will lead to divorce?" You might summarize by pulling together various chunks of the message into a cohesive whole to verify your understanding.
Summarizing might sound like “So your parents were arguing and yelling.
Your dad stormed out of the house and you haven't heard from him since.
Is that right?” -
Step 3: Validate their emotions.
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Step 4: Demonstrate that you understand.
Detailed Guide
Show your responsiveness by giving your partner your complete attention when they are talking.
Resist the urge to interrupt or rush them to finish.
Use your own body language to encourage them to keep talking.
Turn your body to face them.
Lean forward.
Nod to show agreement.
Make appropriate eye contact.
Relax your arms in your lap or at your sides.
Depending on the context of the conversation, you may even take their hand into yours or caress their arm or shoulder.
To better understand your partner’s message, ask questions.
Wait until they seem to have taken a pause before asking.
Then, you can ask specific questions that encourage your partner to expound more on a certain aspect of their message or to go deeper into what they are thinking and feeling.Clarifying questions might sound like, “What did you mean by exasperated?" or “Sounds like you could use a break.
Am I right?” , Validation is a key aspect of being a responsive partner.
To do this you have to listen for feelings language in your partner’s message.
Then, make a statement that shows your partner that you relate to or appreciate their unique feelings and perspective.If your partner's words or facial expression indicates anger or confusion, you can validate this by saying, “I can sense that this has gotten you very upset” or “You seem confused by the outcome.” , The best listeners listen to understand, not reply.
Paraphrase or summarize your partner’s message to show you comprehend what they’re trying to say.For instance, your partner says, "My mom and dad got in a fight and I think they might get a divorce.
I don't know what to do." You might repeat what you heard in your own words by saying, “Let me see if I understand this correctly.
Your parents had a big fight and you're worried this will lead to divorce?" You might summarize by pulling together various chunks of the message into a cohesive whole to verify your understanding.
Summarizing might sound like “So your parents were arguing and yelling.
Your dad stormed out of the house and you haven't heard from him since.
Is that right?”
About the Author
Virginia Robinson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical cooking knowledge.
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