How to Benefit From a Breakup
Write down all the pros and cons of your relationship., Re-think every fight you and your ex had., Consider ways you might have made positive changes., Be objective in your analysis., Accept that certain relationships would never be satisfying in...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Write down all the pros and cons of your relationship.
Did you have great movie dates together? Did your boyfriend/girlfriend never let you watch a certain type of movie or play a certain video game? Were they flirting with other men/women behind your back? What did you love about being in a relationship? What did you not love so much? These are all things you need to write down. -
Step 2: Re-think every fight you and your ex had.
Think about what caused the arguments you had.
Did you pick fights needlessly? Did s/he? Did you do things you knew might make your partner angry? Were you courteous and considerate to your partner? Respectful? Did you feel respected? It's very important to analyze the sorts of problems you had.
Pay particular attention to recurring arguments
- did you fight about the amount of time s/he spent with pals, versus the amount of time you spent together? Did you feel like you always had to give in and do what s/he wanted
- or were you the one who always got your way? , You knew this person well
- were there things you might have done to help make things better? If there were, remember this: you cannot change someone else, but you can change your own behaviors.
If making a few changes will not compromise your integrity or individuality to an onerous degree, make some changes next time around. , When you look back on the relationship, it may be that you realize you were mismatched from the start
- if you had only known then what you know today.
Still, it's valuable to look back and know that even though this relationship was probably doomed from very early on, you can move on having learned to be on the lookout for the things that caused this breakup, and avoid them in the future. , Lots of people seem to feel that they should keep on trying, even though they began having problems very early on.
Let's face it
- if you've only been dating for 3 months, and you're already bickering often, things aren't likely to improve.
Why waste a year or more, trying to "make it work"? Why not just accept that the reason we date someone is to find out if we're well-matched.
When you can see that it's probably a bad match, why prolong the agony, wasting both of your time? Now that you have this relationship experience and breakup under your belt, you should be better prepared to make key decisions earlier on
- if you have to bend too far to accommodate someone often
- that's not a match.
Bending once in a while is fine, but all the time means your interests are too far apart. , Now that you're single again, you can finally do whatever you want, whenever you want! You don't have to worry about dates, anniversaries, or missing birthdays.
This may just be the breathing room that you've been craving. , Go out and meet some new people.
Hit a local club, party, bar or that new restaurant you've been dying to try with your friends.
Just don't miss out on the fun life has to offer because you're moping about your ex. , Give yourself a little time to re-orient and let your own personality re-assert itself.
A lot of times, we do a load of suppressing our own likes and dislikes for the sake of that new squeeze.
After the breakup, there's no need to pretend you're into the Three Stooges any more if you really still don't get them.
Take some time to breathe in your own space before you get involved again. -
Step 3: Consider ways you might have made positive changes.
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Step 4: Be objective in your analysis.
-
Step 5: Accept that certain relationships would never be satisfying in the long run.
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Step 6: Feel the freedom!
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Step 7: Get your flirt on!
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Step 8: Don't jump right into the next relationship.
Detailed Guide
Did you have great movie dates together? Did your boyfriend/girlfriend never let you watch a certain type of movie or play a certain video game? Were they flirting with other men/women behind your back? What did you love about being in a relationship? What did you not love so much? These are all things you need to write down.
Think about what caused the arguments you had.
Did you pick fights needlessly? Did s/he? Did you do things you knew might make your partner angry? Were you courteous and considerate to your partner? Respectful? Did you feel respected? It's very important to analyze the sorts of problems you had.
Pay particular attention to recurring arguments
- did you fight about the amount of time s/he spent with pals, versus the amount of time you spent together? Did you feel like you always had to give in and do what s/he wanted
- or were you the one who always got your way? , You knew this person well
- were there things you might have done to help make things better? If there were, remember this: you cannot change someone else, but you can change your own behaviors.
If making a few changes will not compromise your integrity or individuality to an onerous degree, make some changes next time around. , When you look back on the relationship, it may be that you realize you were mismatched from the start
- if you had only known then what you know today.
Still, it's valuable to look back and know that even though this relationship was probably doomed from very early on, you can move on having learned to be on the lookout for the things that caused this breakup, and avoid them in the future. , Lots of people seem to feel that they should keep on trying, even though they began having problems very early on.
Let's face it
- if you've only been dating for 3 months, and you're already bickering often, things aren't likely to improve.
Why waste a year or more, trying to "make it work"? Why not just accept that the reason we date someone is to find out if we're well-matched.
When you can see that it's probably a bad match, why prolong the agony, wasting both of your time? Now that you have this relationship experience and breakup under your belt, you should be better prepared to make key decisions earlier on
- if you have to bend too far to accommodate someone often
- that's not a match.
Bending once in a while is fine, but all the time means your interests are too far apart. , Now that you're single again, you can finally do whatever you want, whenever you want! You don't have to worry about dates, anniversaries, or missing birthdays.
This may just be the breathing room that you've been craving. , Go out and meet some new people.
Hit a local club, party, bar or that new restaurant you've been dying to try with your friends.
Just don't miss out on the fun life has to offer because you're moping about your ex. , Give yourself a little time to re-orient and let your own personality re-assert itself.
A lot of times, we do a load of suppressing our own likes and dislikes for the sake of that new squeeze.
After the breakup, there's no need to pretend you're into the Three Stooges any more if you really still don't get them.
Take some time to breathe in your own space before you get involved again.
About the Author
Kevin Wilson
Creates helpful guides on hobbies to inspire and educate readers.
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