How to Break Up with Someone and Remain Their Friend
Make sure that your break up doesn't come out of the blue., Do the right thing and break up face to face., If you have to blame someone, blame yourself., The step above should be used with caution., Express yourself honestly., Be understanding of...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make sure that your break up doesn't come out of the blue.
You don't want to be lovey-dovey one day and breaking up the next day.
Perhaps become increasingly distant (but not hostile) over a period of a month or two.
If there is a particular event that can be connected with it, all the better (such as family problems, or dissatisfaction with your job, or generalized depression, etc).
Don't drag this out longer than necessary.
Once your partner starts to get the message, it becomes cruel to carry on. -
Step 2: Do the right thing and break up face to face.
And make sure you have enough time for a long conversation.
Don't be afraid to show emotion yourself, but remain resolute
- wavering will make the situation worse.
Allow your ex to determine when the conversation is over.
Keep in mind that this may take a long time. , Don't point your finger elsewhere.
If you're breaking up with your partner because they were cheating on you, don't say "I'm breaking up with you because you're a cheating jerk." Say something like "I feel insecure all the time, and need some time alone to regain my confidence."
If issues in the relationship were unaddressed, and your ex keeps on asking why you have broken up with them, be honest.
If you get caught trying to lie about the breakup reasons, for the sole purpose of keeping your ex as a friend, that is a sign of cowardice and they will possibly see that they can't trust you any longer, especially if certain issues that could have been fixed were never discussed.
Honesty is always the best policy, especially if you really do want your ex as a friend, as there is no worse feeling at that time than learning that the dumper has now violated your trust for them, and expects an unfair demand. , Presumably you're breaking up with them for non-hurtful reasons.
Let them know why and explain it thoroughly.
You get huge bonus points if they say things like "I understand" or "maybe this is the best thing to do." If your reasons are hurtful (like saying "I never loved you"), make sure they're general and nonspecific.
For example, say something like this: "I feel really apart with the world and the people around me, and want to reconnect with it."
In the end, however, remain firm and keep telling them that it's "something you need to do for yourself."
Very angry.
And hurt.
Don't try to tell them that they are wrong for feeling so.
They will get over it eventually. , Not proud.
Take no joy in what you're doing, and try to be compassionate. -
Step 3: If you have to blame someone
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Step 4: blame yourself.
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Step 5: The step above should be used with caution.
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Step 6: Express yourself honestly.
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Step 7: Be understanding of their feelings and let them tell you all the reasons you're wrong.
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Step 8: Allow them to be angry.
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Step 9: Be humble.
Detailed Guide
You don't want to be lovey-dovey one day and breaking up the next day.
Perhaps become increasingly distant (but not hostile) over a period of a month or two.
If there is a particular event that can be connected with it, all the better (such as family problems, or dissatisfaction with your job, or generalized depression, etc).
Don't drag this out longer than necessary.
Once your partner starts to get the message, it becomes cruel to carry on.
And make sure you have enough time for a long conversation.
Don't be afraid to show emotion yourself, but remain resolute
- wavering will make the situation worse.
Allow your ex to determine when the conversation is over.
Keep in mind that this may take a long time. , Don't point your finger elsewhere.
If you're breaking up with your partner because they were cheating on you, don't say "I'm breaking up with you because you're a cheating jerk." Say something like "I feel insecure all the time, and need some time alone to regain my confidence."
If issues in the relationship were unaddressed, and your ex keeps on asking why you have broken up with them, be honest.
If you get caught trying to lie about the breakup reasons, for the sole purpose of keeping your ex as a friend, that is a sign of cowardice and they will possibly see that they can't trust you any longer, especially if certain issues that could have been fixed were never discussed.
Honesty is always the best policy, especially if you really do want your ex as a friend, as there is no worse feeling at that time than learning that the dumper has now violated your trust for them, and expects an unfair demand. , Presumably you're breaking up with them for non-hurtful reasons.
Let them know why and explain it thoroughly.
You get huge bonus points if they say things like "I understand" or "maybe this is the best thing to do." If your reasons are hurtful (like saying "I never loved you"), make sure they're general and nonspecific.
For example, say something like this: "I feel really apart with the world and the people around me, and want to reconnect with it."
In the end, however, remain firm and keep telling them that it's "something you need to do for yourself."
Very angry.
And hurt.
Don't try to tell them that they are wrong for feeling so.
They will get over it eventually. , Not proud.
Take no joy in what you're doing, and try to be compassionate.
About the Author
Brittany Hayes
Writer and educator with a focus on practical organization knowledge.
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