How to Break Up With Someone Who Is Threatening Suicide
Emphasize that you care about the other person., Avoid getting into an argument., Maintain your boundaries., Remind the person that their choices are their own., Tell the person they are defined by more than a relationship with you., Help the person...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Emphasize that you care about the other person.
Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are still important to you, even though you’re breaking up.
Let them know that you don’t want them to hurt themselves.Say something like, “I still really care about you, and I’m sorry this is so hard for you.” You might also say, "It hurts me to hear you say you'll hurt yourself.
Even though our relationship isn't working out, I still believe you are a wonderful person." Understand that they may not believe you when you say this.
Let them know what you are willing to do for them, but do not feel pressured to do something you're not comfortable with. -
Step 2: Avoid getting into an argument.
Don’t challenge or argue with your boyfriend or girlfriend about their suicide threats.
If they feel like you aren’t taking them seriously, they may hurt themselves just to prove you wrong.For instance, avoid saying something like, “You don’t really mean that,” or, “You’re just saying that to make me feel bad.” Instead, you might say, "I'm sorry that you are thinking this way." You can also avoid an argument by using "I" statements, such as "I am unhappy in this relationship" rather than "You don't make me happy," which may make the person defensive.Keep your tone of voice soft and low.
Maintain open body language with your arms and legs relaxed at your sides.
When you raise your voice and use intimidating body language (e.g. crossed arms or balled fists), an argument is more likely to occur. , Let your boyfriend or girlfriend know that you’re not going to change your mind.
Restate the reason why you want to break up.
Be as kind as you can, but don’t be wishy-washy.You could say something like, “I can’t sacrifice my long-term goals to stay in this relationship, even though I think you’re a great person with a lot to offer.” , Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you can’t control whether they kill themselves or not.
Don’t let them push the blame onto you.For instance, if your soon-to-be ex says, “When I’m gone, it will be your fault,” you could reply, “I don’t want you to kill yourself, but that’s your choice to make, not mine.
I can’t control what you do.” , Remind your boyfriend or girlfriend of their good qualities, their talents, and their interests.
Tell them they don’t need another person to define or complete them.For example, say something like, “I know it’s hard to think about now, but you’re a lot more than just half of our relationship.
You’re going to go to veterinary school and do good things with your life.
In time, you’ll even be happy with somebody else.” Remind them that other people care about them too.
When you do this, list specific people who can support them during this time. , Find a suicide hotline that your boyfriend or girlfriend can call for support.
Encourage them to talk to a therapist or counselor, and help them find contact information for mental health services in your area.In the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.
This hotline is free, confidential, and staffed around the clock.Crisischat.org is an online text-based alternative to phone hotlines.
Trained experts are available from 2 PM to 2 AM, Monday through Sunday.Wikipedia has a list of suicide crisis lines for countries outside the U.S. -
Step 3: Maintain your boundaries.
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Step 4: Remind the person that their choices are their own.
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Step 5: Tell the person they are defined by more than a relationship with you.
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Step 6: Help the person find the resources they need.
Detailed Guide
Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are still important to you, even though you’re breaking up.
Let them know that you don’t want them to hurt themselves.Say something like, “I still really care about you, and I’m sorry this is so hard for you.” You might also say, "It hurts me to hear you say you'll hurt yourself.
Even though our relationship isn't working out, I still believe you are a wonderful person." Understand that they may not believe you when you say this.
Let them know what you are willing to do for them, but do not feel pressured to do something you're not comfortable with.
Don’t challenge or argue with your boyfriend or girlfriend about their suicide threats.
If they feel like you aren’t taking them seriously, they may hurt themselves just to prove you wrong.For instance, avoid saying something like, “You don’t really mean that,” or, “You’re just saying that to make me feel bad.” Instead, you might say, "I'm sorry that you are thinking this way." You can also avoid an argument by using "I" statements, such as "I am unhappy in this relationship" rather than "You don't make me happy," which may make the person defensive.Keep your tone of voice soft and low.
Maintain open body language with your arms and legs relaxed at your sides.
When you raise your voice and use intimidating body language (e.g. crossed arms or balled fists), an argument is more likely to occur. , Let your boyfriend or girlfriend know that you’re not going to change your mind.
Restate the reason why you want to break up.
Be as kind as you can, but don’t be wishy-washy.You could say something like, “I can’t sacrifice my long-term goals to stay in this relationship, even though I think you’re a great person with a lot to offer.” , Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you can’t control whether they kill themselves or not.
Don’t let them push the blame onto you.For instance, if your soon-to-be ex says, “When I’m gone, it will be your fault,” you could reply, “I don’t want you to kill yourself, but that’s your choice to make, not mine.
I can’t control what you do.” , Remind your boyfriend or girlfriend of their good qualities, their talents, and their interests.
Tell them they don’t need another person to define or complete them.For example, say something like, “I know it’s hard to think about now, but you’re a lot more than just half of our relationship.
You’re going to go to veterinary school and do good things with your life.
In time, you’ll even be happy with somebody else.” Remind them that other people care about them too.
When you do this, list specific people who can support them during this time. , Find a suicide hotline that your boyfriend or girlfriend can call for support.
Encourage them to talk to a therapist or counselor, and help them find contact information for mental health services in your area.In the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.
This hotline is free, confidential, and staffed around the clock.Crisischat.org is an online text-based alternative to phone hotlines.
Trained experts are available from 2 PM to 2 AM, Monday through Sunday.Wikipedia has a list of suicide crisis lines for countries outside the U.S.
About the Author
Frank Gutierrez
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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