How to Cheer Up a Friend After a Breakup
Listen., Be patient., Help your friend feel understood., Avoid bringing up your previous breakups., Discourage your friend from contacting the ex., Distract your friend within reason.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Listen.
Immediately after a breakup—regardless of whether the relationship was six months or six years—your friend is likely to feel confused in addition to sadness.
Your friend will likely want to start talking through this confusion almost immediately, and genuinely listening is one of the first and most meaningful steps you can take to show you care.No matter what reason someone gives us for breaking up, we’re always left with questions—“What could I have done differently?” or “Can I still fix this?” It’s perfectly logical for people to be confused about being rejected, especially if they don’t see the rejection coming. -
Step 2: Be patient.
It’s always easier to maintain a friend through the good times, so it’s natural for hard times such as breakups to feel straining and frustrating on a friendship.Constantly remind yourself that it’s your job as a friend to be empathetic and involved even if it means listening to the same questions or stories repeatedly as your friend processes the new source of grief.
Having patience through the process begins immediately and lasts the entire time.
If it helps you, remind yourself of a similar time the friend helped you either through a breakup or maybe the loss of a job.
Think objectively about how patient the friend was with you during your more difficult moments. , Obviously, your friend doesn’t want to feel as though he or she is talking to a wall, so make sure you engage with the stories and questions raised to help make the person feel understood.During your responses, try to avoid empty cliches and platitudes about breakups, though.The last thing your friend wants to hear is that there are other fish in the sea because it invalidates his or her current emotional state.
In general, you should say things that both reassure your friend and acknowledge that his or her feelings are valid.
Avoid telling the friend how to feel such as telling them to stay positive, and avoid immediately giving advice unless you are asked for it.For example, instead of telling a friend to try to be more positive, acknowledge that the situation isn’t fair., While you may feel tempted to compare your friend’s situation to a previous breakup of your own, you should avoid doing so in the immediate aftermath of the breakup.
We may see this as relating to the person, but you may accidentally cross the line in the eyes of your grieving friend, making it seem like you’re stealing their thunder or making the situation about you.Give the friend time to make it about him or her. , It’s pretty common for someone who has just been rejected to deny the finality of the situation.
Your friend may be tempted in the early stages to reach out to the ex in ways that you know aren’t going to help.
While you should discourage this course of action when the friend asks, don’t allow yourself to get too involved in the outcome.
Your friend has likely made up his or her mind to contact the person by the time the topic comes up, so you cannot allow yourself to get frustrated if the person doesn’t follow your advice.A breakup awakens an irrational part of all of us.
Forbidding your friend from contacting the ex is like a parent forbidding a teenager from doing something.
Your friend may do it just to spite the voice of reason., The emotional effects of a breakup represent a grieving process.
It’s not only natural for people to grieve, but it’s also necessary if the person wants to move on in a healthy manner.
You may be tempted to immediately begin getting your friend out of the house to bombard the person with distractions from the pain and sadness, but you must allow your friend to grieve instead of constantly making him or her ignore or forget the breakup.Due to this, only use distractions sparingly and within reason.
While taking the friend out shopping or to a baseball game occasionally is a good break from the stress of the grieving process, attempting to subject the person constantly to outside stimuli will only prolong the process or possibly even lead the person to repress the emotions he or she needs to work through. -
Step 3: Help your friend feel understood.
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Step 4: Avoid bringing up your previous breakups.
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Step 5: Discourage your friend from contacting the ex.
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Step 6: Distract your friend within reason.
Detailed Guide
Immediately after a breakup—regardless of whether the relationship was six months or six years—your friend is likely to feel confused in addition to sadness.
Your friend will likely want to start talking through this confusion almost immediately, and genuinely listening is one of the first and most meaningful steps you can take to show you care.No matter what reason someone gives us for breaking up, we’re always left with questions—“What could I have done differently?” or “Can I still fix this?” It’s perfectly logical for people to be confused about being rejected, especially if they don’t see the rejection coming.
It’s always easier to maintain a friend through the good times, so it’s natural for hard times such as breakups to feel straining and frustrating on a friendship.Constantly remind yourself that it’s your job as a friend to be empathetic and involved even if it means listening to the same questions or stories repeatedly as your friend processes the new source of grief.
Having patience through the process begins immediately and lasts the entire time.
If it helps you, remind yourself of a similar time the friend helped you either through a breakup or maybe the loss of a job.
Think objectively about how patient the friend was with you during your more difficult moments. , Obviously, your friend doesn’t want to feel as though he or she is talking to a wall, so make sure you engage with the stories and questions raised to help make the person feel understood.During your responses, try to avoid empty cliches and platitudes about breakups, though.The last thing your friend wants to hear is that there are other fish in the sea because it invalidates his or her current emotional state.
In general, you should say things that both reassure your friend and acknowledge that his or her feelings are valid.
Avoid telling the friend how to feel such as telling them to stay positive, and avoid immediately giving advice unless you are asked for it.For example, instead of telling a friend to try to be more positive, acknowledge that the situation isn’t fair., While you may feel tempted to compare your friend’s situation to a previous breakup of your own, you should avoid doing so in the immediate aftermath of the breakup.
We may see this as relating to the person, but you may accidentally cross the line in the eyes of your grieving friend, making it seem like you’re stealing their thunder or making the situation about you.Give the friend time to make it about him or her. , It’s pretty common for someone who has just been rejected to deny the finality of the situation.
Your friend may be tempted in the early stages to reach out to the ex in ways that you know aren’t going to help.
While you should discourage this course of action when the friend asks, don’t allow yourself to get too involved in the outcome.
Your friend has likely made up his or her mind to contact the person by the time the topic comes up, so you cannot allow yourself to get frustrated if the person doesn’t follow your advice.A breakup awakens an irrational part of all of us.
Forbidding your friend from contacting the ex is like a parent forbidding a teenager from doing something.
Your friend may do it just to spite the voice of reason., The emotional effects of a breakup represent a grieving process.
It’s not only natural for people to grieve, but it’s also necessary if the person wants to move on in a healthy manner.
You may be tempted to immediately begin getting your friend out of the house to bombard the person with distractions from the pain and sadness, but you must allow your friend to grieve instead of constantly making him or her ignore or forget the breakup.Due to this, only use distractions sparingly and within reason.
While taking the friend out shopping or to a baseball game occasionally is a good break from the stress of the grieving process, attempting to subject the person constantly to outside stimuli will only prolong the process or possibly even lead the person to repress the emotions he or she needs to work through.
About the Author
Brian Reyes
Enthusiastic about teaching pet care techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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