How to Convince Someone to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Remember that you can't save your loved one.

   You are not responsible for them, and you cannot take control of their lives.
   
   You are not a savior or an expert.
   
   However, you can be a supportive presence in their lives.
2. 2

   Step 2: Recognize that the initiative to leave needs to come from the victim.

   You may wish to sweep the victim away and keep them safe.
   
   Unfortunately, it probably won't work.
   
   Your loved one may feel powerless, and in order to make a lasting change, they need to empower themselves. , The victim may view you as an aggressor, and side with their abuser.
   
   Hating on the abuser, while thoroughly justified, will only alienate the victim. , Your goal isn't to impose an opinion upon them, but to encourage the victim to reflect on how they are being treated. "Are you okay with him monitoring your texts?" "Does it bother you when she does that?" "How do you feel about him talking to you like that?"
   
   Criticizing the abuser directly might alienate the victim, but framing it in terms of your feelings can make it more palatable.
   
   This helps your loved one consider the situation through your eyes. "I'm worried about your safety." "It scares me to leave you home alone.
   
   I remember the bruises she gave you and I worry you'll get hurt again." "I've never seen you so upset, and it scares me."
   
   Jumping into an abusive dynamic is likely to get you hurt, risks alienating the victim, and probably won't help your loved one in the long run.
   
   Only confront the abuser if the victim asks you to, and if you personally feel that you are able to do so safely.
3. 3

   Step 3: Don't criticize the abuser in front of the victim.

4. 4

   Step 4: Briefly ask how your loved one feels when the abuser acts controlling.

5. 5

   Step 5: Express your feelings.

6. 6

   Step 6: Don't intervene.

Detailed Guide

About the Author