How to Cope if Your Spouse Self Harms
Ask them to seek treatment., Educate yourself., Take risks seriously., Support their treatment., Create a space of acceptance.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask them to seek treatment.
Do what you can to be supportive to your spouse.
Often, this includes asking them to get help.
Don’t give them an ultimatum about seeking help, as this can lead to more guilt or resentment in your marriage.
Instead, say that you think the self-harm is a serious issue and should be treated seriously.
Ask them to see a professional.Don’t pressure or guilt your spouse into getting treatment and support.
Instead, tell your partner that they deserve support. -
Step 2: Educate yourself.
Most people don’t deal with stress or problems by hurting themselves.
Your spouse likely has some very deep or complex wounds that contribute to their self-harm.
Often, these problems are best discussed and worked through with a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist.
Don’t feel like you have to take on the role of a therapist when you are not qualified to help someone with these problems.
However, learn what you can about self-harm so that you can be informed about it.For example, people who self-harm do so with the intent to inflict pain yet not kill themselves.
It’s a way to express difficult feelings, punish oneself, or show distress., If your spouse’s behaviors escalate or are dangerous, don’t hesitate to break your silence or get them immediate medical attention.
If your spouse is threatening irreparable harm or that they want to kill themselves, do not hesitate in taking action.
Call an ambulance, take them to the emergency department, call their therapist and their family.
Get them immediate help.Any threats that might be serious should be taken seriously. , Your spouse’s treatment is a commitment that they want to be healthy and function in a healthy way.
If your spouse agrees to treatment, support them in whatever steps they take, from seeing a therapist, starting medications, or joining a support group.
If you start to feel upset or that your spouse is backsliding, remind yourself that they are taking steps and want things to change.
Do everything you can to support that change, both for your relationship and for your spouse.Offer any assistance you can give.
For example, offer to drive them to appointments or help them get through especially difficult days by talking with them or giving them a hug.
Let your spouse know that you are not there to judge them or look down on them.
You want what is best for them, and you will support them in any way you can.
If your spouse does not initially accept your offer to help, do not push them.
Those who self-harm may feel guilt or shame regarding their actions, and may not be prepared to open themselves up and be vulnerable about their situation. , Regardless of whether your partner decides to accept your assistance or not, try to create a space of openness and acceptance.
Listen without judgement, and support them in the choices they make regarding their treatment and how they want to start the heeling process.Remind your partner that even if they don't want to talk now, you'll be there for them should the need ever arise. -
Step 3: Take risks seriously.
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Step 4: Support their treatment.
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Step 5: Create a space of acceptance.
Detailed Guide
Do what you can to be supportive to your spouse.
Often, this includes asking them to get help.
Don’t give them an ultimatum about seeking help, as this can lead to more guilt or resentment in your marriage.
Instead, say that you think the self-harm is a serious issue and should be treated seriously.
Ask them to see a professional.Don’t pressure or guilt your spouse into getting treatment and support.
Instead, tell your partner that they deserve support.
Most people don’t deal with stress or problems by hurting themselves.
Your spouse likely has some very deep or complex wounds that contribute to their self-harm.
Often, these problems are best discussed and worked through with a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist.
Don’t feel like you have to take on the role of a therapist when you are not qualified to help someone with these problems.
However, learn what you can about self-harm so that you can be informed about it.For example, people who self-harm do so with the intent to inflict pain yet not kill themselves.
It’s a way to express difficult feelings, punish oneself, or show distress., If your spouse’s behaviors escalate or are dangerous, don’t hesitate to break your silence or get them immediate medical attention.
If your spouse is threatening irreparable harm or that they want to kill themselves, do not hesitate in taking action.
Call an ambulance, take them to the emergency department, call their therapist and their family.
Get them immediate help.Any threats that might be serious should be taken seriously. , Your spouse’s treatment is a commitment that they want to be healthy and function in a healthy way.
If your spouse agrees to treatment, support them in whatever steps they take, from seeing a therapist, starting medications, or joining a support group.
If you start to feel upset or that your spouse is backsliding, remind yourself that they are taking steps and want things to change.
Do everything you can to support that change, both for your relationship and for your spouse.Offer any assistance you can give.
For example, offer to drive them to appointments or help them get through especially difficult days by talking with them or giving them a hug.
Let your spouse know that you are not there to judge them or look down on them.
You want what is best for them, and you will support them in any way you can.
If your spouse does not initially accept your offer to help, do not push them.
Those who self-harm may feel guilt or shame regarding their actions, and may not be prepared to open themselves up and be vulnerable about their situation. , Regardless of whether your partner decides to accept your assistance or not, try to create a space of openness and acceptance.
Listen without judgement, and support them in the choices they make regarding their treatment and how they want to start the heeling process.Remind your partner that even if they don't want to talk now, you'll be there for them should the need ever arise.
About the Author
Nicholas Hart
Brings years of experience writing about lifestyle and related subjects.
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