How to Cope when Loved Ones Refuse to Come to Your Wedding
Ask why they refuse to come., Be honest and open about your feelings., Explain why you want to get married., Counter their arguments., Avoid blaming yourself., Talk with a therapist or counselor.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask why they refuse to come.
Chances are, you may have some idea why loved ones might refuse your wedding invitation.
Regardless of whether you know the reason or it comes as a complete surprise, call or sit down with the loved ones.
Ask them directly why they don't want to come to your wedding.
Talking with the loved ones directly will prevent future misunderstandings, so it's important to hear what they have to say.
For example, you could say, "I know you don't get along with my fiancee, but is that what's stopping you from attending our wedding?" Knowing the reason may also allow you to make compromises.
For instance, maybe the person doesn't want to go because they don't want to see an ex-spouse.
Offer to let them choose their own seat at the reception, or ask if they would be comfortable attending the ceremony and skipping the reception, etc. -
Step 2: Be honest and open about your feelings.
Once the loved ones have explained why they don't want to come, sincerely tell them how their decision has made you feel.
They may not have realized how hurt you would be by their absence and may even reconsider coming to the wedding.
If not, they may acknowledge your feelings.
For example, you might tell them, "I've always respected you and your opinion.
Your refusal to come to my wedding makes me feel angry and unloved."
The loved ones may have made their decision without knowing much about why you're getting married.
Take the time to explain how much you love your fiancee, that you understand marriage is a serious commitment, and what your plans are for the wedding ceremony.
If it's important for you to have them there, make it clear that you value their presence.For example, you might say, "My fiancee and I have been together a long time and we'd like to officially pledge our love for each other in front of our closest friends and family.
We'd really like you to be there to support us."
Once you've listened to their justifications for refusing to attend, respectfully respond to their concerns.
Pay attention to how you react and try to think through your response before talking.
Remain calm and avoid blaming them, which will only strengthen their resolve.For example, if they refuse to come because there are religious differences, you might say, "I know the fact that my fiancee is of a different faith concerns you; however, we've discussed the effect our spirituality has on our relationship.
We'd still love for you to attend."
It's easy to beat yourself up when loved ones refuse to come to your wedding.
You might even start asking yourself what you could have done differently to prevent the falling out.
You need to realize that they've made their decision.
Their absence at your wedding won't define who you are.Remind yourself that you did your part by extending the invitation.
This shows that you've made an effort for them to be a part of your life.
It's up to them to refuse or accept it. , If you're still hurt, angry, or resentful at the loved ones who refuse to attend your wedding and you want them to be there, ask them if they'd consider going to therapy with you.
You may not convince them to come to your wedding, but maybe talking with a third-party would help you all understand each others' feelings better.If the loved ones refuse to attend therapy, consider going by yourself.
Talking through your emotions can help you process your feelings so you can move on and enjoy your day. -
Step 3: Explain why you want to get married.
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Step 4: Counter their arguments.
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Step 5: Avoid blaming yourself.
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Step 6: Talk with a therapist or counselor.
Detailed Guide
Chances are, you may have some idea why loved ones might refuse your wedding invitation.
Regardless of whether you know the reason or it comes as a complete surprise, call or sit down with the loved ones.
Ask them directly why they don't want to come to your wedding.
Talking with the loved ones directly will prevent future misunderstandings, so it's important to hear what they have to say.
For example, you could say, "I know you don't get along with my fiancee, but is that what's stopping you from attending our wedding?" Knowing the reason may also allow you to make compromises.
For instance, maybe the person doesn't want to go because they don't want to see an ex-spouse.
Offer to let them choose their own seat at the reception, or ask if they would be comfortable attending the ceremony and skipping the reception, etc.
Once the loved ones have explained why they don't want to come, sincerely tell them how their decision has made you feel.
They may not have realized how hurt you would be by their absence and may even reconsider coming to the wedding.
If not, they may acknowledge your feelings.
For example, you might tell them, "I've always respected you and your opinion.
Your refusal to come to my wedding makes me feel angry and unloved."
The loved ones may have made their decision without knowing much about why you're getting married.
Take the time to explain how much you love your fiancee, that you understand marriage is a serious commitment, and what your plans are for the wedding ceremony.
If it's important for you to have them there, make it clear that you value their presence.For example, you might say, "My fiancee and I have been together a long time and we'd like to officially pledge our love for each other in front of our closest friends and family.
We'd really like you to be there to support us."
Once you've listened to their justifications for refusing to attend, respectfully respond to their concerns.
Pay attention to how you react and try to think through your response before talking.
Remain calm and avoid blaming them, which will only strengthen their resolve.For example, if they refuse to come because there are religious differences, you might say, "I know the fact that my fiancee is of a different faith concerns you; however, we've discussed the effect our spirituality has on our relationship.
We'd still love for you to attend."
It's easy to beat yourself up when loved ones refuse to come to your wedding.
You might even start asking yourself what you could have done differently to prevent the falling out.
You need to realize that they've made their decision.
Their absence at your wedding won't define who you are.Remind yourself that you did your part by extending the invitation.
This shows that you've made an effort for them to be a part of your life.
It's up to them to refuse or accept it. , If you're still hurt, angry, or resentful at the loved ones who refuse to attend your wedding and you want them to be there, ask them if they'd consider going to therapy with you.
You may not convince them to come to your wedding, but maybe talking with a third-party would help you all understand each others' feelings better.If the loved ones refuse to attend therapy, consider going by yourself.
Talking through your emotions can help you process your feelings so you can move on and enjoy your day.
About the Author
Samuel Gibson
Enthusiastic about teaching creative arts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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