How to Cope when Your Partner's Parents Dislike You
Ask your partner if they know the reason for the dislike., Talk to the parents., Write down possible ideas for the cause of the dislike., Ask your partner to talk to their parents., Find an ally in the family.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask your partner if they know the reason for the dislike.
Chances are, your partner knows the reason why their parents dislike you.
They likely haven’t brought it up to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
But what they need to know is that by withholding this information from you, they are actually making you feel worse because of the discontent between you and their parents.
Say to your partner, “I feel like your parents don’t like me.
Do you know why? I understand you may not want to tell me because you think it might hurt my feelings, but I really want to make a connection with them and if I knew why, I may be able to do that.” Telling your partner you appreciate their concern, but you really want to work it out, may be just what you need to find out the truth.Make sure that you listen to what your partner has to say.
You may be misinterpreting your partner’s family members’ behavior as dislike, when they may actually like you. -
Step 2: Talk to the parents.
Have an open and honest conversation with your partner’s parents about why they dislike you, if you can.
Avoid being defensive or confrontational; simply state your reasons for why you think they don’t approve of you, and ask why.
Attempt to remain respectful and polite throughout the entire conversation and you may get what you’re looking for.
Begin the conversation by saying, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that you don’t like me or disapprove of our relationship.
I really love your child and I want to have a relationship with you, as well.
Perhaps if you tell me what I’ve done to give you a bad impression, we can figure out a way to all get along.” You may not like what they have to say, so prepare yourself for a negative response.
Try not to react, but instead be gracious and thank them for their time.Never stand for abuse from your partner’s family.
If they are abusing you, such as by insulting you or calling you names, then stand up for yourself.
Your partner should not stand for any type of abusive talk towards you either. , If you’re not able to speak with your partner or the parents, it’s time to get honest with yourself.
Make a list of the possible reasons for the dislike and then come up with solutions for the issues.
Try having a trustworthy friend help you with this if you think they might be more honest with you than your partner.
You may not be able to work this out on your own, but understanding the possible obstacles and challenges you’ll face may serve as a helpful starting point.
Your list could include religious differences, personality clashes, jealousy, or simply dealing with parents who will never be happy with the person their child chooses.
Parents often believe that no one will ever be good enough for their child, and you may simply have to accept that., In a non-confrontational way, ask your partner to speak with their parents about the reason for their dislike of you.
Chances are, they’ll be more open and honest with their own child than you, so you’re more likely to get somewhere by having your partner talk to them.
If your partner shows resistance or doesn’t feel comfortable about talking to their parents, relay just how important it is to you that you get along with them.
Your partner could say to their parents, “I get the feeling that you don’t like my partner.
I was hoping we could discuss why that is.
I love all of you and really want us all to get along.” Although the talk may not solve everything immediately, it can at least serve as a chance to get a conversation going.It may take a while to resolve the situation. , If your partner feels torn between you and their family, it can become a strain on the relationship.
You can lessen the tension—and possibly warm up to your in-laws—by solidifying a bond with someone who is open-minded.
Perhaps your partner has a sibling, cousin, or grandparent who is polite to you.
Present your best case to this person and they just might be willing to defend you to the rest of the family.
They might also be able to give you some insight into the parent’s typical pattern of behaviors and whether or not this is a common thing for them to do.
If that doesn’t work, at the very least, this person provides a safe harbor when you must attend family gatherings or events.
Hang out or chat with them instead of feeling isolated all by yourself. -
Step 3: Write down possible ideas for the cause of the dislike.
-
Step 4: Ask your partner to talk to their parents.
-
Step 5: Find an ally in the family.
Detailed Guide
Chances are, your partner knows the reason why their parents dislike you.
They likely haven’t brought it up to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
But what they need to know is that by withholding this information from you, they are actually making you feel worse because of the discontent between you and their parents.
Say to your partner, “I feel like your parents don’t like me.
Do you know why? I understand you may not want to tell me because you think it might hurt my feelings, but I really want to make a connection with them and if I knew why, I may be able to do that.” Telling your partner you appreciate their concern, but you really want to work it out, may be just what you need to find out the truth.Make sure that you listen to what your partner has to say.
You may be misinterpreting your partner’s family members’ behavior as dislike, when they may actually like you.
Have an open and honest conversation with your partner’s parents about why they dislike you, if you can.
Avoid being defensive or confrontational; simply state your reasons for why you think they don’t approve of you, and ask why.
Attempt to remain respectful and polite throughout the entire conversation and you may get what you’re looking for.
Begin the conversation by saying, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that you don’t like me or disapprove of our relationship.
I really love your child and I want to have a relationship with you, as well.
Perhaps if you tell me what I’ve done to give you a bad impression, we can figure out a way to all get along.” You may not like what they have to say, so prepare yourself for a negative response.
Try not to react, but instead be gracious and thank them for their time.Never stand for abuse from your partner’s family.
If they are abusing you, such as by insulting you or calling you names, then stand up for yourself.
Your partner should not stand for any type of abusive talk towards you either. , If you’re not able to speak with your partner or the parents, it’s time to get honest with yourself.
Make a list of the possible reasons for the dislike and then come up with solutions for the issues.
Try having a trustworthy friend help you with this if you think they might be more honest with you than your partner.
You may not be able to work this out on your own, but understanding the possible obstacles and challenges you’ll face may serve as a helpful starting point.
Your list could include religious differences, personality clashes, jealousy, or simply dealing with parents who will never be happy with the person their child chooses.
Parents often believe that no one will ever be good enough for their child, and you may simply have to accept that., In a non-confrontational way, ask your partner to speak with their parents about the reason for their dislike of you.
Chances are, they’ll be more open and honest with their own child than you, so you’re more likely to get somewhere by having your partner talk to them.
If your partner shows resistance or doesn’t feel comfortable about talking to their parents, relay just how important it is to you that you get along with them.
Your partner could say to their parents, “I get the feeling that you don’t like my partner.
I was hoping we could discuss why that is.
I love all of you and really want us all to get along.” Although the talk may not solve everything immediately, it can at least serve as a chance to get a conversation going.It may take a while to resolve the situation. , If your partner feels torn between you and their family, it can become a strain on the relationship.
You can lessen the tension—and possibly warm up to your in-laws—by solidifying a bond with someone who is open-minded.
Perhaps your partner has a sibling, cousin, or grandparent who is polite to you.
Present your best case to this person and they just might be willing to defend you to the rest of the family.
They might also be able to give you some insight into the parent’s typical pattern of behaviors and whether or not this is a common thing for them to do.
If that doesn’t work, at the very least, this person provides a safe harbor when you must attend family gatherings or events.
Hang out or chat with them instead of feeling isolated all by yourself.
About the Author
Christina King
Brings years of experience writing about crafts and related subjects.
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