How to Deal when an Ex Dates a Friend
Consider why this person is your ex., Think about how comfortable you are around your ex., Sort out your feelings for your ex., Ditch the grudge., Remind yourself that your friend isn't guaranteed keeping your ex either., Give the new couple space...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Consider why this person is your ex.
The important thing to accept is that you cannot make someone continue to care for you in an intimate way if they have made a decision to stop.
The incompatibility is in the way of the two of you staying a couple, hence it is time to let go.
If you cannot come to this conclusion, it risks eating away at you and can end up harming both you and your friendship. -
Step 2: Think about how comfortable you are around your ex.
If you parted amicably, then hanging around him or her again may be quite easy.
However, if you parted in anger or under a cloud, you might not even want to be around your ex at all.
In the latter case, you'll have to explain this to your friend, otherwise you may drift apart. , It would be wonderful if every breakup came with clarity that you no longer have feelings.
However, it's never that simple and there will be a tendency to have leftover feelings for quite some time, however kindly you try to feel towards your ex.
Whatever your feelings for your ex, it is really important to talk to your friend how you feel.
That way, your friend will understand where you're coming from, which can sometimes help to explain why you feel moody, down or irritable around her and your ex.
It may also help your friend to be considerate of your feelings when the three of you get together and hopefully she or he won't do anything in front of you that may hurt your feelings.
Reassure your friend that you won't be standing in her or his way.
However, you might also wish to make it clear where you draw the line, which may include where the three of you go, when the three of you spend time together and whether you'll even want to spend time together with the two of them. , If you don't have feelings left for your ex, holding a grudge against them isn't going to solve anything.
Try to let your break up go because if you don't your ex might start feeling uncomfortable around you. , On the one hand, there is a possibility of it all ending in marriage (in which case, it's really important to deal with it); on the other hand, this may be just another dating experience for your friend that doesn't end up with them happily ever after.
Be careful that you and your feelings are not the cause for leading both your friend and ex to think they are marriage material precisely because they bond over disgust at your negative behavior.
By being casually supportive and not antagonistic, you actually create a better space for them to work out whether or not they like each other beyond having your antagonism as a common cause.
It's a tough ask but it's worth it to know that you're not forcing their hand in any way. , Crowding them risks driving them closer together to keep you out of the picture.
By keeping your distance, you spare yourself knowing every detail and you're not mired in their business.
There is absolutely no reason for you to know every single thing about their relationship.
There is every reason for you to be getting on with your own life.
If you keep snooping and wanting constant updates, you're hurting yourself and delaying the healing process.
Understand that you cannot control your friend's feelings and your ex's.
Though it is tough seeing them together, stay away from them for a while, until you are ready to talk or say something positive to both of them. , The only thing harder than a break up is losing a friend because of your feelings.
Keep your friend close. , You can also try hanging out with other friends more often so that you're not constantly reminded of them.
Maintain a good relationship with your friend.
It will be hard seeing your friend and ex together but you are just going to have to accept it sooner or later.
Do not let your ex come between you and your friend.
Do not let your ex ruin your relationship with your friend, especially if the breakup was turbulent and you and your ex are not on good terms.
If you are not ready to hang out with your friend or converse with them, stay away and spend some time with other people.
Remember you and your friends are friends for a reason. , It might feel cathartic to try to drive a wedge between the two but it will usually simply backfire and leave you looking mean.
The last thing you want is for your ex to think you are coming between his or her relationship with your your friend.
Do not try to push your friend in the wrong direction.
Accept their relationship.
Sometimes things are not meant to be.
Be happy for your friend.
At least you know your ex has moved on and is happy.
You don't have to keep thinking what if or beg for forgiveness.
Getting into a conflict with your ex is the last thing you need.
Problems arising from such fights can lead to permanent damage and can really hurt others. , If you don't like your friend dating your ex, tell them and they might keep their life with your ex separate from you. , If you are having trouble coping with what has happened, try talking to someone else.
Don't act like you don't care if you really do.
This is only going to make things worse.
If your ex has moved on just accept it.
If you still have feelings for them try to control them without getting into their relationship.
Your feelings are important.
Maybe it is time to move on and try to let go.
It may take time but just take things slowly. , Now that your ex has started over, maybe you should too.
If you are not quite ready, just give it time.
It will be hard but try to hang out with your other friends or try finding new friends and start from there.
If you can't start over, just focus on healing.
This is the best you can do at this time where everything is spinning around.
You'll be alright.
It takes time. -
Step 3: Sort out your feelings for your ex.
-
Step 4: Ditch the grudge.
-
Step 5: Remind yourself that your friend isn't guaranteed keeping your ex either.
-
Step 6: Give the new couple space.
-
Step 7: Congratulate your friend and seek to stay friends.
-
Step 8: If your friend dating your ex is a little uncomfortable to be around
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Step 9: arrange times when you and your friend can hang out without the distraction of an ex.
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Step 10: Avoid messing with their relationship.
-
Step 11: Don't ever make your mate choose between you and your ex because this will cause even bigger problems.
-
Step 12: Don't hide your feelings.
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Step 13: Try to move on.
Detailed Guide
The important thing to accept is that you cannot make someone continue to care for you in an intimate way if they have made a decision to stop.
The incompatibility is in the way of the two of you staying a couple, hence it is time to let go.
If you cannot come to this conclusion, it risks eating away at you and can end up harming both you and your friendship.
If you parted amicably, then hanging around him or her again may be quite easy.
However, if you parted in anger or under a cloud, you might not even want to be around your ex at all.
In the latter case, you'll have to explain this to your friend, otherwise you may drift apart. , It would be wonderful if every breakup came with clarity that you no longer have feelings.
However, it's never that simple and there will be a tendency to have leftover feelings for quite some time, however kindly you try to feel towards your ex.
Whatever your feelings for your ex, it is really important to talk to your friend how you feel.
That way, your friend will understand where you're coming from, which can sometimes help to explain why you feel moody, down or irritable around her and your ex.
It may also help your friend to be considerate of your feelings when the three of you get together and hopefully she or he won't do anything in front of you that may hurt your feelings.
Reassure your friend that you won't be standing in her or his way.
However, you might also wish to make it clear where you draw the line, which may include where the three of you go, when the three of you spend time together and whether you'll even want to spend time together with the two of them. , If you don't have feelings left for your ex, holding a grudge against them isn't going to solve anything.
Try to let your break up go because if you don't your ex might start feeling uncomfortable around you. , On the one hand, there is a possibility of it all ending in marriage (in which case, it's really important to deal with it); on the other hand, this may be just another dating experience for your friend that doesn't end up with them happily ever after.
Be careful that you and your feelings are not the cause for leading both your friend and ex to think they are marriage material precisely because they bond over disgust at your negative behavior.
By being casually supportive and not antagonistic, you actually create a better space for them to work out whether or not they like each other beyond having your antagonism as a common cause.
It's a tough ask but it's worth it to know that you're not forcing their hand in any way. , Crowding them risks driving them closer together to keep you out of the picture.
By keeping your distance, you spare yourself knowing every detail and you're not mired in their business.
There is absolutely no reason for you to know every single thing about their relationship.
There is every reason for you to be getting on with your own life.
If you keep snooping and wanting constant updates, you're hurting yourself and delaying the healing process.
Understand that you cannot control your friend's feelings and your ex's.
Though it is tough seeing them together, stay away from them for a while, until you are ready to talk or say something positive to both of them. , The only thing harder than a break up is losing a friend because of your feelings.
Keep your friend close. , You can also try hanging out with other friends more often so that you're not constantly reminded of them.
Maintain a good relationship with your friend.
It will be hard seeing your friend and ex together but you are just going to have to accept it sooner or later.
Do not let your ex come between you and your friend.
Do not let your ex ruin your relationship with your friend, especially if the breakup was turbulent and you and your ex are not on good terms.
If you are not ready to hang out with your friend or converse with them, stay away and spend some time with other people.
Remember you and your friends are friends for a reason. , It might feel cathartic to try to drive a wedge between the two but it will usually simply backfire and leave you looking mean.
The last thing you want is for your ex to think you are coming between his or her relationship with your your friend.
Do not try to push your friend in the wrong direction.
Accept their relationship.
Sometimes things are not meant to be.
Be happy for your friend.
At least you know your ex has moved on and is happy.
You don't have to keep thinking what if or beg for forgiveness.
Getting into a conflict with your ex is the last thing you need.
Problems arising from such fights can lead to permanent damage and can really hurt others. , If you don't like your friend dating your ex, tell them and they might keep their life with your ex separate from you. , If you are having trouble coping with what has happened, try talking to someone else.
Don't act like you don't care if you really do.
This is only going to make things worse.
If your ex has moved on just accept it.
If you still have feelings for them try to control them without getting into their relationship.
Your feelings are important.
Maybe it is time to move on and try to let go.
It may take time but just take things slowly. , Now that your ex has started over, maybe you should too.
If you are not quite ready, just give it time.
It will be hard but try to hang out with your other friends or try finding new friends and start from there.
If you can't start over, just focus on healing.
This is the best you can do at this time where everything is spinning around.
You'll be alright.
It takes time.
About the Author
Logan Phillips
Logan Phillips is an experienced writer with over 4 years of expertise in engineering and technical solutions. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Logan creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
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