How to Deal With a Spouse's Previous Marriage
Examine your ambivalent or uneasy feelings., Talk to your spouse about their ex., Decide if you have trust issues.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Examine your ambivalent or uneasy feelings.
If you are insecure about yourself or your attachment to your spouse, the problem with the ex may really be an issue about your own insecurities.
You should look at why you feel uneasy about your spouse’s ex and figure out the root of the problem.For example, you may be worried that your spouse still holds a flame for their ex, or that the ex still has a chance.
If so, look at the situation more realistically so that you can let go of these feelings.
Understand that relationships with an ex in the picture are often complicated.
Like it or not, when a person has to interact with someone he or she once had an intimate relationship it is more difficult than one that does not.
This is even more so if there are children in the previous relationship, and even more if there are frictions with the upbringing of the children.
Complicated does not necessarily mean unhappy, however.
Some people make the mistake of thinking "true love" means no complications, but this is an unfortunate myth.
You can be happy with a person with complex and even difficult relationships with other, but it will take patience and understanding.
Depending on the situation, you may have to decide on whether or not you can manage such a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with thinking a person is great, but you cannot deal with the drama of the person's personal life. -
Step 2: Talk to your spouse about their ex.
You should have a conversation with your spouse about their ex.
You should talk about the ex’s role in your spouse’s and children’s life, and then discuss the spouse’s relationship with the ex.
You should also be honest about your discomfort and feelings.This conversation can help both of you find a good way to approach the ex situation.
If you have an ex too, this is a good time to discuss your spouse's feelings about your ex. , Your feelings about your spouse’s ex may be related to your trust issues.
Remind yourself that your spouse married you, and they wouldn’t have done that if they still wanted to be with their ex.
Trust your partner.
If there are issues of trust, now is the time to sort them out.You may have had a bad experience in the past in which an ex did something to you that hurt you.
Tell yourself, “This is not the same situation.
This person is not the same person.” You may be influenced by someone else's loss, such a parent, a TV personality or a celebrity.
Keep reminding yourself that other people’s experiences are not your own. -
Step 3: Decide if you have trust issues.
Detailed Guide
If you are insecure about yourself or your attachment to your spouse, the problem with the ex may really be an issue about your own insecurities.
You should look at why you feel uneasy about your spouse’s ex and figure out the root of the problem.For example, you may be worried that your spouse still holds a flame for their ex, or that the ex still has a chance.
If so, look at the situation more realistically so that you can let go of these feelings.
Understand that relationships with an ex in the picture are often complicated.
Like it or not, when a person has to interact with someone he or she once had an intimate relationship it is more difficult than one that does not.
This is even more so if there are children in the previous relationship, and even more if there are frictions with the upbringing of the children.
Complicated does not necessarily mean unhappy, however.
Some people make the mistake of thinking "true love" means no complications, but this is an unfortunate myth.
You can be happy with a person with complex and even difficult relationships with other, but it will take patience and understanding.
Depending on the situation, you may have to decide on whether or not you can manage such a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with thinking a person is great, but you cannot deal with the drama of the person's personal life.
You should have a conversation with your spouse about their ex.
You should talk about the ex’s role in your spouse’s and children’s life, and then discuss the spouse’s relationship with the ex.
You should also be honest about your discomfort and feelings.This conversation can help both of you find a good way to approach the ex situation.
If you have an ex too, this is a good time to discuss your spouse's feelings about your ex. , Your feelings about your spouse’s ex may be related to your trust issues.
Remind yourself that your spouse married you, and they wouldn’t have done that if they still wanted to be with their ex.
Trust your partner.
If there are issues of trust, now is the time to sort them out.You may have had a bad experience in the past in which an ex did something to you that hurt you.
Tell yourself, “This is not the same situation.
This person is not the same person.” You may be influenced by someone else's loss, such a parent, a TV personality or a celebrity.
Keep reminding yourself that other people’s experiences are not your own.
About the Author
Debra Nguyen
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow DIY projects tutorials.
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