How to Deal With an Evil Ex Boyfriend
Assess the severity of your situation., Stop all contact and communication with him., Keep a log of every attempt to contact you., Get a protective or restraining order if you feel threatened., Call 911 if you feel you are immediate danger., Tell...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Assess the severity of your situation.
If he is physically stalking or harassing you, or has made threats to your physical safety or your quality of life, you may need to involve the police and courts.Each state has different names for this type of court order against personal contact and different rules for issuing one.
Do you feel like you are in physical danger from him? Has he made non-physical threats, like harming your emotional or financial stability, alienating you from friends or family, or keeping you from dating other guys? If his behavior is merely annoying or mildly disturbing your social life, but you do not feel afraid of him, move on to the next section.
If you are not sure if he is dangerous, ask someone you trust, preferably who has met him and seen some of the worrisome behaviors firsthand. -
Step 2: Stop all contact and communication with him.
Even if he initiates it, do not respond to any calls or messages.
This will only encourage him to continue since he succeeded in engaging you.
If he keeps calling or texting you, change your number and ask the phone company to keep your number unlisted and to block it from appearing on others’ caller ID.
This is not foolproof, but in most instances can be done.
Cut him off from your social media as much as possible.
Sometimes you can’t control this, especially when they are “friends of friends.” If he is commenting on your mutual friends’ posts, ask them not to tag you and change your privacy setting to friends only., This includes attempts to contact you through mutual friends, family members or neighbors.
To report stalking or threats, you will need to show proof.
Keep any voicemails, texts, or messages he sends you to give the judge.
Download and print out text messages or take screen shots of them to print.
Print emails or messages on social media.Bring witnesses if possible.
Witnesses should have actually seen the behavior or have direct knowledge of it from him. , Rules for getting a restraining or protective order from the courts are different in every state, so research your state’s laws.
Some states require a verbal threat of physical harm or verifiable intent to attack in order to get a protective or restraining order issued.
However, your state may also have anti-stalking laws, so research those too.If you cannot meet the burden of proof for needing a protective order, but his actions result in a pending and related court case, a judge may be willing to issue a no-contact order if you explain why you feel you need one. “No-contact” means that he cannot try to reach you directly or indirectly.
In essence, he can get into more trouble for any attempt to contact you, even through others, or showing up in places you frequent that he has no reason to visit., Keep a cell phone on you at all times and turn on 1-number emergency dialing if your phone allows.
If you don’t have a cell phone, there are programs that may be able to provide you one for free.If you are not in immediate danger, but feel a threat is imminent and don't know who to talk to, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to get advice or a referral for legal assistance.Trust your instincts.
It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Don’t worry about how he will react if you call the police or whether or not you are overreacting.
Put your safety and mental health before any considerations of his feelings, and trust your gut feeling., If your school or office has security, give them a description and a picture, if possible, with a brief explanation of the situation.Make sure your friends and co-workers know not to give your personal information to anyone without your express permission—no matter what story they may tell about why they need to get in touch with you right away.
Ask your school’s office or human resources department at work to put a note in your file describing the problem so that any new staff are aware of what is going on.
Don’t be embarrassed about it.
It is never your fault that someone else will not leave you alone when told to.
It’s better to admit to others what is going on than to let a lack of knowledge cause serious problems for you or them later., When you go to the gym or walk to class, ask a friend to go with you.
Don’t stay at the library or at work late by yourself.
Get a family member to walk the dog with you.
Always park you vehicle in a well-lit area and get someone to escort you if at all possible.If you absolutely cannot find someone to be with you, carry a defensive tool like pepper spray or a panic button with you when alone.
Check your states laws on protective tools to make sure you are not violating any first. , Don’t post your plans or whereabouts on social media beforehand or during.
You can post about events afterwards, but never tag yourself at a geographic location while you are still there., Decide what you will do in the case of any incidents and tell a friend or family member.
Note nearby police stations to drive to if you think he is following you.
Create a verbal or written code you can say or text your safety person if you are in trouble.
Make sure they know that this phrase means to call the police immediately. -
Step 3: Keep a log of every attempt to contact you.
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Step 4: Get a protective or restraining order if you feel threatened.
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Step 5: Call 911 if you feel you are immediate danger.
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Step 6: Tell friends
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Step 7: family and authority figures about your situation.Inform your teachers
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Step 8: coaches
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Step 9: school officials
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Step 10: co-workers and bosses about his unwanted attempts to contact you.
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Step 11: Try not to be alone in public.
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Step 12: Don’t make it easy for him to find you.
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Step 13: Make a safety plan.
Detailed Guide
If he is physically stalking or harassing you, or has made threats to your physical safety or your quality of life, you may need to involve the police and courts.Each state has different names for this type of court order against personal contact and different rules for issuing one.
Do you feel like you are in physical danger from him? Has he made non-physical threats, like harming your emotional or financial stability, alienating you from friends or family, or keeping you from dating other guys? If his behavior is merely annoying or mildly disturbing your social life, but you do not feel afraid of him, move on to the next section.
If you are not sure if he is dangerous, ask someone you trust, preferably who has met him and seen some of the worrisome behaviors firsthand.
Even if he initiates it, do not respond to any calls or messages.
This will only encourage him to continue since he succeeded in engaging you.
If he keeps calling or texting you, change your number and ask the phone company to keep your number unlisted and to block it from appearing on others’ caller ID.
This is not foolproof, but in most instances can be done.
Cut him off from your social media as much as possible.
Sometimes you can’t control this, especially when they are “friends of friends.” If he is commenting on your mutual friends’ posts, ask them not to tag you and change your privacy setting to friends only., This includes attempts to contact you through mutual friends, family members or neighbors.
To report stalking or threats, you will need to show proof.
Keep any voicemails, texts, or messages he sends you to give the judge.
Download and print out text messages or take screen shots of them to print.
Print emails or messages on social media.Bring witnesses if possible.
Witnesses should have actually seen the behavior or have direct knowledge of it from him. , Rules for getting a restraining or protective order from the courts are different in every state, so research your state’s laws.
Some states require a verbal threat of physical harm or verifiable intent to attack in order to get a protective or restraining order issued.
However, your state may also have anti-stalking laws, so research those too.If you cannot meet the burden of proof for needing a protective order, but his actions result in a pending and related court case, a judge may be willing to issue a no-contact order if you explain why you feel you need one. “No-contact” means that he cannot try to reach you directly or indirectly.
In essence, he can get into more trouble for any attempt to contact you, even through others, or showing up in places you frequent that he has no reason to visit., Keep a cell phone on you at all times and turn on 1-number emergency dialing if your phone allows.
If you don’t have a cell phone, there are programs that may be able to provide you one for free.If you are not in immediate danger, but feel a threat is imminent and don't know who to talk to, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to get advice or a referral for legal assistance.Trust your instincts.
It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Don’t worry about how he will react if you call the police or whether or not you are overreacting.
Put your safety and mental health before any considerations of his feelings, and trust your gut feeling., If your school or office has security, give them a description and a picture, if possible, with a brief explanation of the situation.Make sure your friends and co-workers know not to give your personal information to anyone without your express permission—no matter what story they may tell about why they need to get in touch with you right away.
Ask your school’s office or human resources department at work to put a note in your file describing the problem so that any new staff are aware of what is going on.
Don’t be embarrassed about it.
It is never your fault that someone else will not leave you alone when told to.
It’s better to admit to others what is going on than to let a lack of knowledge cause serious problems for you or them later., When you go to the gym or walk to class, ask a friend to go with you.
Don’t stay at the library or at work late by yourself.
Get a family member to walk the dog with you.
Always park you vehicle in a well-lit area and get someone to escort you if at all possible.If you absolutely cannot find someone to be with you, carry a defensive tool like pepper spray or a panic button with you when alone.
Check your states laws on protective tools to make sure you are not violating any first. , Don’t post your plans or whereabouts on social media beforehand or during.
You can post about events afterwards, but never tag yourself at a geographic location while you are still there., Decide what you will do in the case of any incidents and tell a friend or family member.
Note nearby police stations to drive to if you think he is following you.
Create a verbal or written code you can say or text your safety person if you are in trouble.
Make sure they know that this phrase means to call the police immediately.
About the Author
Debra Tucker
Experienced content creator specializing in crafts guides and tutorials.
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