How to Deal With Guilt After a Divorce
Learn from any mistakes you made., Remind yourself you are only human., Make an honest assessment of your marriage., Tear down your assumptions about divorce., Make positive changes to combat negativity from guilt.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Learn from any mistakes you made.
A big cause of guilt is a nagging that mistakes were made and had things been done differently, the marriage would have lasted.
We can't change the past and feelings of guilt won't change that.
Rather than use the past as a reason to hold you back, recognize things you wish you had done differently and use them for positive change in the future.
Sometimes healthy guilt can be useful and a way to recognize unhealthy behavior from your past.
Since you may not want to, or be unable, to make things right with your ex, you can learn from your mistakes moving forward.
Change future relationships and go out of your way to show those around you that you are making positive changes to your life. -
Step 2: Remind yourself you are only human.
Unhealthy guilt is when you dwell on things you cannot change, but many times could not help.
It's easy to create scenarios that make you the main guilty partner in your relationship.
Allow yourself to accept that you are flawed, make mistakes, and that's okay.Tell yourself that you did what you thought was right at the time, based on your emotional and life circumstance.
Accept that given the circumstances, you acted how your emotions and psychology dictated. , Guilt from a divorce can come from putting unfair blame on yourself for the relationship's problems.
It may help to take a step back and look at the relationship as a whole and how both parties contributed to a situation that became untenable. , A big source of guilt is the negative connotations and stereotypes assigned by society.
It's thought of as a failure, a flaw, and even frowned upon religiously.
While these are difficult to deal with, you can remind yourself that you are only trying to be happy and that cultural stigmas are relative.
Divorce has become increasingly common and society is constantly re-defining what should have a stigma.
Only you understand the intricacies of your marriage and can understand why it was best; not outside perceptions.If you feel a stigma or pressure from people around you, communicate about it.
Let them know your perception, and though you never got married with the purpose of getting divorced, it became an unfortunate reality.
People who care about you should be able to support your decision. , Guilt can color your future in a negative way.
Rather than dwell in guilt, demonstrate to yourself the change was beneficial by making positive changes.
A divorce can be a time to rediscover yourself as an individual.
Find what makes you happy.
Find hobbies you stopped doing during you're marriage, take up a new skill that you put off, or even make a career change.
This is a time for you to begin to focus on you again.
This will assuage your guilt by reaffirming you can live a positive and fulfilling life after divorce.Keep a list of ways you're improving as a tangible reminder of how you're trying to thrive after your divorce.
This sort of optimism can lessen the power of past guilt. -
Step 3: Make an honest assessment of your marriage.
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Step 4: Tear down your assumptions about divorce.
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Step 5: Make positive changes to combat negativity from guilt.
Detailed Guide
A big cause of guilt is a nagging that mistakes were made and had things been done differently, the marriage would have lasted.
We can't change the past and feelings of guilt won't change that.
Rather than use the past as a reason to hold you back, recognize things you wish you had done differently and use them for positive change in the future.
Sometimes healthy guilt can be useful and a way to recognize unhealthy behavior from your past.
Since you may not want to, or be unable, to make things right with your ex, you can learn from your mistakes moving forward.
Change future relationships and go out of your way to show those around you that you are making positive changes to your life.
Unhealthy guilt is when you dwell on things you cannot change, but many times could not help.
It's easy to create scenarios that make you the main guilty partner in your relationship.
Allow yourself to accept that you are flawed, make mistakes, and that's okay.Tell yourself that you did what you thought was right at the time, based on your emotional and life circumstance.
Accept that given the circumstances, you acted how your emotions and psychology dictated. , Guilt from a divorce can come from putting unfair blame on yourself for the relationship's problems.
It may help to take a step back and look at the relationship as a whole and how both parties contributed to a situation that became untenable. , A big source of guilt is the negative connotations and stereotypes assigned by society.
It's thought of as a failure, a flaw, and even frowned upon religiously.
While these are difficult to deal with, you can remind yourself that you are only trying to be happy and that cultural stigmas are relative.
Divorce has become increasingly common and society is constantly re-defining what should have a stigma.
Only you understand the intricacies of your marriage and can understand why it was best; not outside perceptions.If you feel a stigma or pressure from people around you, communicate about it.
Let them know your perception, and though you never got married with the purpose of getting divorced, it became an unfortunate reality.
People who care about you should be able to support your decision. , Guilt can color your future in a negative way.
Rather than dwell in guilt, demonstrate to yourself the change was beneficial by making positive changes.
A divorce can be a time to rediscover yourself as an individual.
Find what makes you happy.
Find hobbies you stopped doing during you're marriage, take up a new skill that you put off, or even make a career change.
This is a time for you to begin to focus on you again.
This will assuage your guilt by reaffirming you can live a positive and fulfilling life after divorce.Keep a list of ways you're improving as a tangible reminder of how you're trying to thrive after your divorce.
This sort of optimism can lessen the power of past guilt.
About the Author
Andrea Turner
Enthusiastic about teaching creative arts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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