How to Deal With Mixed Feelings in a Relationship
Let things progress slowly., Keep busy with your own interests., Try to have fun together., Avoid using sex to fuel feelings of intimacy., Take a break, if necessary., Discuss your feelings with the other person., Make a decision about the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Let things progress slowly.
If you're unsure of how you feel, especially early on in a relationship, have patience.
Do not try to push for a premature commitment if you're uncertain how you feel.
It's important you let things develop at their own pace in any relationship, especially if feelings are mixed.Maintain your own schedule.
If you're not sure how you feel about someone, you should not sacrifice a lot of your own time and needs for that person.
While you're figuring out your feelings, keep up with your own hobbies and social obligations.
If you have not yet settled into official relationship status, do not worry.
You should not try to push for commitment when you're still unsure of how you feel, and there is no shame in being in a relationship gray area for awhile.
You should also take care of yourself.
Eat right, exercise, and get adequate rest.
Take care of yourself as you normally would. -
Step 2: Keep busy with your own interests.
You want to make sure you can still be yourself with this person.
Keep up with your own hobbies and interests.
See if this person fits into your world.
This can help you assess whether the romance works for you.Make what you value clear.
If you like to stay in on Fridays rather than going out, try invite your partner over.
See how he or she fits into your world.
Keep up with your own interests.
If you go to a book club every other Friday, do not stop going even if your partner invites you somewhere else.
Make sure your partner supports your interests, and allows you to pursue your own fun and social life.
If he or she does, this is not a good sign this relationship can fit into your life. , Fun is an important aspect of any romantic relationship.
It's hard to stay with someone if you do not have fun together.
You and your partner should genuinely enjoy one another's company.
Try to do something fun with your partner.
See if you feel happier and more secure.
If you're struggling to have fun, this may be a bad sign for the relationship longterm.The definition of fun varies from person to person, so pick something you both enjoy doing.
For example, if you both love comedy, go see a comedy show together.
You can also try inviting your partner to social events with your friends.
See if your partner's presence influences the group in a positive or negative way.
Does your partner make social events more fun? Does he or she fit into your world? , If you're having mixed feelings, you may want to try to quell those feelings.
Many people use sex as an attempt to force feelings of intimacy.
However, sex will rarely lead to sustainable feelings of emotional intimacy with another person.
Do not expect sex to cure your mixed feelings., If you can't figure out how you feel, and you've been with your partner for awhile, a break can help.
You may both need to experience personal growth outside the relationship.
Eventually, you may find you want to rekindle the romance.If you decide to take a break, set clear boundaries.
Make it clear to your partner how often you'll see each other during the break, if at all, and whether you'll be allowed to pursue other relationships and sex during the break.
Decide if the break has a set end point, or if you'll leave things somewhat open.
Be careful to assess your feelings before getting back together after a break.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel.
Do you honestly miss the person? Do you feel sad in their absence? Do you feel like you've grown as a person while they were away.
If so, getting back together can be a good idea.
However, if you felt freer and happier in your partner's absence, it may be a good idea to move on. , If you're in a serious relationship, and you're beginning to have mixed feelings, it may be a good idea to be open with your partner.
Set aside a time to talk out the problem, and try to find a mutual solution if you want to avoid the relationship ending.
Let your partner know ahead of time you want to have a relationship talk.
Say something like, "I've been grappling with some confusing feelings, and I'd like to talk tonight when you get off work."Try to focus on the present moment as you express yourself.
Avoid bringing up things from the past, even things that are driving your confusing feelings.
Instead, focus on how you're feeling in the moment.
For example, "I've been having mixed feelings lately about our future.
I want to know how you're feeling in regards to this issue." Listen as much as you talk.
Allow your partner to share his or her feelings with you.
Your partner may feel the same way, in which case the two of you will have to assess the relationship's future.
Try your best to genuinely understand what your partner is saying.
Ask clarifying questions if necessary.
Leave the conversation with an idea of how to move forward.
For example, you may decide you want to take a break.
You may decide you want to see a therapist together.
You may also decide you want to end the relationship altogether. , After awhile, you'll have to make a decision about where you stand.
After weighing in a variety of factors, consider whether your feelings are genuine and, if so, whether you want to continue to pursue this relationship.
If you find you are not invested enough, it may be best to try to transition into friendship.
Even in healthy relationships, mixed feelings may occur from time to time.
Do not be alarmed by occasional uncertainty if you decide to move forward. -
Step 3: Try to have fun together.
-
Step 4: Avoid using sex to fuel feelings of intimacy.
-
Step 5: Take a break
-
Step 6: if necessary.
-
Step 7: Discuss your feelings with the other person.
-
Step 8: Make a decision about the relationship eventually.
Detailed Guide
If you're unsure of how you feel, especially early on in a relationship, have patience.
Do not try to push for a premature commitment if you're uncertain how you feel.
It's important you let things develop at their own pace in any relationship, especially if feelings are mixed.Maintain your own schedule.
If you're not sure how you feel about someone, you should not sacrifice a lot of your own time and needs for that person.
While you're figuring out your feelings, keep up with your own hobbies and social obligations.
If you have not yet settled into official relationship status, do not worry.
You should not try to push for commitment when you're still unsure of how you feel, and there is no shame in being in a relationship gray area for awhile.
You should also take care of yourself.
Eat right, exercise, and get adequate rest.
Take care of yourself as you normally would.
You want to make sure you can still be yourself with this person.
Keep up with your own hobbies and interests.
See if this person fits into your world.
This can help you assess whether the romance works for you.Make what you value clear.
If you like to stay in on Fridays rather than going out, try invite your partner over.
See how he or she fits into your world.
Keep up with your own interests.
If you go to a book club every other Friday, do not stop going even if your partner invites you somewhere else.
Make sure your partner supports your interests, and allows you to pursue your own fun and social life.
If he or she does, this is not a good sign this relationship can fit into your life. , Fun is an important aspect of any romantic relationship.
It's hard to stay with someone if you do not have fun together.
You and your partner should genuinely enjoy one another's company.
Try to do something fun with your partner.
See if you feel happier and more secure.
If you're struggling to have fun, this may be a bad sign for the relationship longterm.The definition of fun varies from person to person, so pick something you both enjoy doing.
For example, if you both love comedy, go see a comedy show together.
You can also try inviting your partner to social events with your friends.
See if your partner's presence influences the group in a positive or negative way.
Does your partner make social events more fun? Does he or she fit into your world? , If you're having mixed feelings, you may want to try to quell those feelings.
Many people use sex as an attempt to force feelings of intimacy.
However, sex will rarely lead to sustainable feelings of emotional intimacy with another person.
Do not expect sex to cure your mixed feelings., If you can't figure out how you feel, and you've been with your partner for awhile, a break can help.
You may both need to experience personal growth outside the relationship.
Eventually, you may find you want to rekindle the romance.If you decide to take a break, set clear boundaries.
Make it clear to your partner how often you'll see each other during the break, if at all, and whether you'll be allowed to pursue other relationships and sex during the break.
Decide if the break has a set end point, or if you'll leave things somewhat open.
Be careful to assess your feelings before getting back together after a break.
Be honest with yourself about how you feel.
Do you honestly miss the person? Do you feel sad in their absence? Do you feel like you've grown as a person while they were away.
If so, getting back together can be a good idea.
However, if you felt freer and happier in your partner's absence, it may be a good idea to move on. , If you're in a serious relationship, and you're beginning to have mixed feelings, it may be a good idea to be open with your partner.
Set aside a time to talk out the problem, and try to find a mutual solution if you want to avoid the relationship ending.
Let your partner know ahead of time you want to have a relationship talk.
Say something like, "I've been grappling with some confusing feelings, and I'd like to talk tonight when you get off work."Try to focus on the present moment as you express yourself.
Avoid bringing up things from the past, even things that are driving your confusing feelings.
Instead, focus on how you're feeling in the moment.
For example, "I've been having mixed feelings lately about our future.
I want to know how you're feeling in regards to this issue." Listen as much as you talk.
Allow your partner to share his or her feelings with you.
Your partner may feel the same way, in which case the two of you will have to assess the relationship's future.
Try your best to genuinely understand what your partner is saying.
Ask clarifying questions if necessary.
Leave the conversation with an idea of how to move forward.
For example, you may decide you want to take a break.
You may decide you want to see a therapist together.
You may also decide you want to end the relationship altogether. , After awhile, you'll have to make a decision about where you stand.
After weighing in a variety of factors, consider whether your feelings are genuine and, if so, whether you want to continue to pursue this relationship.
If you find you are not invested enough, it may be best to try to transition into friendship.
Even in healthy relationships, mixed feelings may occur from time to time.
Do not be alarmed by occasional uncertainty if you decide to move forward.
About the Author
Carol Brooks
Writer and educator with a focus on practical crafts knowledge.
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