How to Deal With Your Mother's Abusive Boyfriend
Offer your support.If you have witnessed the physical, verbal, or sexual abuse of your mother, you should go to her and express your concern., Develop a safety plan for when the abuse happens., Create a safety plan for leaving the home., Encourage...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Offer your support.If you have witnessed the physical
Tell her what you saw or heard and explain your feelings as best you can.
You may be scared, worried, or sad about the abuse.
It's possible that your mother may not want to talk to you about the abuse.
Respect her wishes, but let her know that you are there for her by offering loving support.
Tell your mother you love her and go out of your way to spend quality time with her.
When she is ready to talk, listen without making judgments or telling her what to do.
Your mother will have to be the one who takes action to get herself out of an abusive situation. -
Step 2: verbal
Even if you have not been abused by your mother's boyfriend, witnessing her abuse puts you in danger.
You and your mother (and any other siblings) need to sit down and talk when the abuser is not home.
In the midst of the abuse, you might discuss ways to protect younger children and yourself.
To prepare for possible abuse, you might have phone numbers handy of emergency services, domestic violence hotlines, local shelters, family members, or your mother's close friends who may be able to help.
You may decide on a safe place in the home to take yourself and any younger children that is close to exits or that has few potential weapons., When your mother is ready to leave the abusive relationship you can discuss ways to keep everyone safe when leaving, or after leaving.
Leaving a domestic violence situation is one of the most dangerous times.Your mother's boyfriend may lash out in anger or hurt your mother to stop her from leaving.
Follow these tips to protect yourself when leaving:
Gather a bag of personal items for everyone, including money, credit cards, keys, extra clothes, medications, birth certificates, social security cards, school and medical records, insurance documents, mortgage/lease agreement, other important documents, and special mementos like photos.
Give these items to a trusted person in advance.
Identify various ways to get out of your home and practice your exit strategy when walking the dog, taking out the trash or going to the store.
Think about a few trusted friends or family members who might take you in or get you to safety.
Open a checking account or get a new credit card.
Get a cell phone.
Tell your new location to only a few trusted people.
Open a post office box for mail. , As a victim of abuse, your mother may feel unworthy of love or care.
Ensure that she makes an effort to do things that nurture her physical and mental well-being, such as exercising, participating in a hobby, or reading.
Self-care is a way to promote healthy coping during stressful life situations like abuse., It is common to feel angry when witnessing the abuse of your mother.
However angry you may feel, you should never approach your mother's boyfriend or attempt to intervene in the abuse.
It's not your responsibility to "rescue" your mother.
She is the parent, and you should trust her and stick to the safety plan., If you are worried about your mother's well-being or think her life is in danger, you should reach out to an adult you can trust.
Possible options are to talk, in confidence, to your school counselor, a supportive teacher or coach, or an adult in your family like an aunt or uncle.
Explain the situation and your concerns and see if this person can persuade your mother to get herself and you to safety., Millions of children around the United States witness domestic violence in their homes.
Beholding such horrors at an early age can have drastic consequences on you and your siblings in the future.
Be sure to take time out to care for yourself and accept support from others.
Remember, you cannot pour support into your mother if your cup is empty.
If you have a trusted friend, you might talk to this person about your thoughts and feelings concerning your mother's abuse.
You can always call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with someone anonymously 24 hours a day. -
Step 3: or sexual abuse of your mother
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Step 4: you should go to her and express your concern.
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Step 5: Develop a safety plan for when the abuse happens.
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Step 6: Create a safety plan for leaving the home.
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Step 7: Encourage your mother to take care of herself.
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Step 8: Do not confront the abuser.
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Step 9: Call for help.
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Step 10: Seek support.
Detailed Guide
Tell her what you saw or heard and explain your feelings as best you can.
You may be scared, worried, or sad about the abuse.
It's possible that your mother may not want to talk to you about the abuse.
Respect her wishes, but let her know that you are there for her by offering loving support.
Tell your mother you love her and go out of your way to spend quality time with her.
When she is ready to talk, listen without making judgments or telling her what to do.
Your mother will have to be the one who takes action to get herself out of an abusive situation.
Even if you have not been abused by your mother's boyfriend, witnessing her abuse puts you in danger.
You and your mother (and any other siblings) need to sit down and talk when the abuser is not home.
In the midst of the abuse, you might discuss ways to protect younger children and yourself.
To prepare for possible abuse, you might have phone numbers handy of emergency services, domestic violence hotlines, local shelters, family members, or your mother's close friends who may be able to help.
You may decide on a safe place in the home to take yourself and any younger children that is close to exits or that has few potential weapons., When your mother is ready to leave the abusive relationship you can discuss ways to keep everyone safe when leaving, or after leaving.
Leaving a domestic violence situation is one of the most dangerous times.Your mother's boyfriend may lash out in anger or hurt your mother to stop her from leaving.
Follow these tips to protect yourself when leaving:
Gather a bag of personal items for everyone, including money, credit cards, keys, extra clothes, medications, birth certificates, social security cards, school and medical records, insurance documents, mortgage/lease agreement, other important documents, and special mementos like photos.
Give these items to a trusted person in advance.
Identify various ways to get out of your home and practice your exit strategy when walking the dog, taking out the trash or going to the store.
Think about a few trusted friends or family members who might take you in or get you to safety.
Open a checking account or get a new credit card.
Get a cell phone.
Tell your new location to only a few trusted people.
Open a post office box for mail. , As a victim of abuse, your mother may feel unworthy of love or care.
Ensure that she makes an effort to do things that nurture her physical and mental well-being, such as exercising, participating in a hobby, or reading.
Self-care is a way to promote healthy coping during stressful life situations like abuse., It is common to feel angry when witnessing the abuse of your mother.
However angry you may feel, you should never approach your mother's boyfriend or attempt to intervene in the abuse.
It's not your responsibility to "rescue" your mother.
She is the parent, and you should trust her and stick to the safety plan., If you are worried about your mother's well-being or think her life is in danger, you should reach out to an adult you can trust.
Possible options are to talk, in confidence, to your school counselor, a supportive teacher or coach, or an adult in your family like an aunt or uncle.
Explain the situation and your concerns and see if this person can persuade your mother to get herself and you to safety., Millions of children around the United States witness domestic violence in their homes.
Beholding such horrors at an early age can have drastic consequences on you and your siblings in the future.
Be sure to take time out to care for yourself and accept support from others.
Remember, you cannot pour support into your mother if your cup is empty.
If you have a trusted friend, you might talk to this person about your thoughts and feelings concerning your mother's abuse.
You can always call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with someone anonymously 24 hours a day.
About the Author
Charles Adams
Writer and educator with a focus on practical practical skills knowledge.
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