How to Decide If You Should Get Married
Determine if you and your partner will have children., Discuss your finances., Talk about your sex life., Get to know your partner's family., Talk about the importance of religion in your lives., Determine if you have the same core values.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Determine if you and your partner will have children.
You may already know if your partner would like to have children.
If one partner wants children and the other does not, it is probably not a good idea to get married.
In addition to discussing how many children you would like to have, you should talk about all the other issues that come with children.How will you discipline your children? At what point in the marriage will you begin having children? Is adoption or in vitro fertilization an option? How will you split the child-rearing responsibilities (e.g. feeding, changing diapers, homework, etc.) Would you be interested in having a nanny? -
Step 2: Discuss your finances.
It is important that you talk about money before you get married.
Not only do you need to know your partner's current financial situation, you need to know their attitude towards money and their future goals.
If you and your partner are not on the same page, you need to develop a plan to get on the same page.The following questions can help you have the discussion:
Do you have any credit card debt? Do you have student loan debt? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? Are you a co-signer on anyone else's debt? Will you put all of our money in a joint account? Will you have separate accounts? Who will be managing the money? Will one partner manage or will you sit down and do it together? What is your current income? What are your saving habits? Have you been planning for retirement? , Sex is an important part of marriage.
Whether you have sex prior to marriage or not, sexual expectations for your marriage should be discussed.
How often would you like to have sex (e.g. daily, weekly, etc.) What will you do when one partner wants to have sex and the other one does not? How will you keep the spark going in the long term?Both you and your partner need to be truthful during this conversation.
A premarital counselor can help you discuss sex if you and your partner are not able to have the conversation on your own.
What will you do if one person's sex drive greatly increases or decreases? , You can find out many things about your partner by spending time with their family.
Both positive and negative patterns tend to repeat themselves.
Once you get married, your partner's family becomes your family as well.For example, if your partner's family yells during arguments, your partner may be a yeller as well.
If your partner's family never ate dinner together, but family dinners are important to you, your partner may not understand why you want to eat together all the time.
Patterns can be broken or worked on, but it will be easier if you know what you are getting yourself into., Religion is deeply personal.
You and your partner may practice the same religion, different religions, or no religion at all.
You should know the role of religion in your partner's life.
If you and your partner practice the same religion, there may not be too much to discuss.
However, if you practice different religions or one of you is more devout than the other, you may need to have more conversations.Discuss which religious holidays you will observe and how you will observe them.
Do you expect to go to church together every Sunday? Do you plan to raise your children in this religion? If you and you partner practice different faiths, consider meeting with an interfaith counselor to work through any issues you may have. , We often hear the opposites attract, but the most successful marriages happen between people who are similar.
This is not to say that you and your partner must have the same interests, hobbies, and personality, but you should have a similar outlook on things such as money, work, children, religion, and sex.If you and your partner do not have the same core values, you may have a more difficult marriage and argue more.
For example, if one partner is a saver and the other is a free spender, the free spender may go out and make a major purchase without telling the other person.
The argument then happens about the purchase, but the issue stems from having different attitudes towards money. -
Step 3: Talk about your sex life.
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Step 4: Get to know your partner's family.
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Step 5: Talk about the importance of religion in your lives.
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Step 6: Determine if you have the same core values.
Detailed Guide
You may already know if your partner would like to have children.
If one partner wants children and the other does not, it is probably not a good idea to get married.
In addition to discussing how many children you would like to have, you should talk about all the other issues that come with children.How will you discipline your children? At what point in the marriage will you begin having children? Is adoption or in vitro fertilization an option? How will you split the child-rearing responsibilities (e.g. feeding, changing diapers, homework, etc.) Would you be interested in having a nanny?
It is important that you talk about money before you get married.
Not only do you need to know your partner's current financial situation, you need to know their attitude towards money and their future goals.
If you and your partner are not on the same page, you need to develop a plan to get on the same page.The following questions can help you have the discussion:
Do you have any credit card debt? Do you have student loan debt? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? Are you a co-signer on anyone else's debt? Will you put all of our money in a joint account? Will you have separate accounts? Who will be managing the money? Will one partner manage or will you sit down and do it together? What is your current income? What are your saving habits? Have you been planning for retirement? , Sex is an important part of marriage.
Whether you have sex prior to marriage or not, sexual expectations for your marriage should be discussed.
How often would you like to have sex (e.g. daily, weekly, etc.) What will you do when one partner wants to have sex and the other one does not? How will you keep the spark going in the long term?Both you and your partner need to be truthful during this conversation.
A premarital counselor can help you discuss sex if you and your partner are not able to have the conversation on your own.
What will you do if one person's sex drive greatly increases or decreases? , You can find out many things about your partner by spending time with their family.
Both positive and negative patterns tend to repeat themselves.
Once you get married, your partner's family becomes your family as well.For example, if your partner's family yells during arguments, your partner may be a yeller as well.
If your partner's family never ate dinner together, but family dinners are important to you, your partner may not understand why you want to eat together all the time.
Patterns can be broken or worked on, but it will be easier if you know what you are getting yourself into., Religion is deeply personal.
You and your partner may practice the same religion, different religions, or no religion at all.
You should know the role of religion in your partner's life.
If you and your partner practice the same religion, there may not be too much to discuss.
However, if you practice different religions or one of you is more devout than the other, you may need to have more conversations.Discuss which religious holidays you will observe and how you will observe them.
Do you expect to go to church together every Sunday? Do you plan to raise your children in this religion? If you and you partner practice different faiths, consider meeting with an interfaith counselor to work through any issues you may have. , We often hear the opposites attract, but the most successful marriages happen between people who are similar.
This is not to say that you and your partner must have the same interests, hobbies, and personality, but you should have a similar outlook on things such as money, work, children, religion, and sex.If you and your partner do not have the same core values, you may have a more difficult marriage and argue more.
For example, if one partner is a saver and the other is a free spender, the free spender may go out and make a major purchase without telling the other person.
The argument then happens about the purchase, but the issue stems from having different attitudes towards money.
About the Author
Alexander Phillips
Experienced content creator specializing in DIY projects guides and tutorials.
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