How to Develop a Better Relationship With Your Parents
Act first., Be appreciative., Separate from your parents emotionally., Take their perspective., Develop your own identity., Think of them as other adults, not parents.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Act first.
Don't wait for your parents to try to improve the relationship.
If you want to improve your relationship with your parents, you should start right away and act first., Consider all your parents have done for you; all the ways that they have helped you; all the ways they have influenced how you think.
You may find yourself feeling grateful for your parents and more willing to improve the relationship or compromise, or be more forgiving when your parents annoy you.Let your parents know that you are appreciative for all they have done for you.
It can hurt to feel taken for granted, even for parents.
Show your appreciation with your actions.
Get them a nice gift or, if you live with your parents, do some extra housework without being asked.
They will likely be happy with you for this. , This is not to say that you should not care for and love your parents.
But, if you are less emotionally attached to your parents, you may be less invested in arguments or disagreements with them.
This way you can walk away from a situation more easily and not let it damage the relationship.
You can separate yourself emotionally from your parents in two primary ways.
Focus less on seeking their approval.
Be willing to define yourself and your self-worth through your own eyes.
Acknowledge your past, then move on.
Your relationship with your parents may have been rough before.
Remember this and assess the role you have played in your relationship with your parents, but do not let it define your relationship going forward., Often, people do not get along because they fail to consider others’ perspectives.
Once you can empathize with another’s position and see the reasons behind it, you will likely be more willing to compromise and improve the relationship.Accept that your parents are different.
They grew up in a different generation with different social norms and rules of conduct, with different technologies and ways of thinking, with parents who treated them certain ways, that was probably much different that the ways of parenting today.Think about the ways that their lives may have been different from your life, and how these different histories may be contributing to issues in the relationship.
Try using this information when you talk about improving your relationship with them.
Remind them that times change and ask them to think about their relationship with their own parents.
See if they can recall any issues in their relationship with their parents that were due to these 'generational' differences.
For example, if your relationship with your parents is rocky because they disapprove of you moving in with your significant other before marriage, try reminding them that in their generation people were even more conservative still, and that times change and it is in fact quite common to move in with a significant other without being married., It is OK and even healthy for you to think for yourself and to have your own opinion on matters.In gaining a new found sense of autonomy and separation from your parents, you may find that your relationship improves organically.
Engage in self-discovery.
Hold aside what everyone else thinks about you and how you should live your life, including your parents, and ask yourself some serious questions about yourself.
Be sure to honestly answer questions such as "what feelings do I want to feel most?" or "what do I want to spend more of my time on?" or "what are my talents?" or "what kind of person am I?" Consider whether you are going along with your parents' opinion because you also believe it or because your automatic inclination is to think what they do about something (such as about your relationships, politics or even simple things like your favorite sports team, for example). , If you continue to see them as your parents, you may unthinkingly behave in a way that is child-like and promotes a relationship dynamic that you are trying to improve.
For example, if you continue to expect them to support you financially, you may be leaving the door open for your parents to give you too much unwanted advice or guilt you into spending time with them. -
Step 2: Be appreciative.
-
Step 3: Separate from your parents emotionally.
-
Step 4: Take their perspective.
-
Step 5: Develop your own identity.
-
Step 6: Think of them as other adults
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Step 7: not parents.
Detailed Guide
Don't wait for your parents to try to improve the relationship.
If you want to improve your relationship with your parents, you should start right away and act first., Consider all your parents have done for you; all the ways that they have helped you; all the ways they have influenced how you think.
You may find yourself feeling grateful for your parents and more willing to improve the relationship or compromise, or be more forgiving when your parents annoy you.Let your parents know that you are appreciative for all they have done for you.
It can hurt to feel taken for granted, even for parents.
Show your appreciation with your actions.
Get them a nice gift or, if you live with your parents, do some extra housework without being asked.
They will likely be happy with you for this. , This is not to say that you should not care for and love your parents.
But, if you are less emotionally attached to your parents, you may be less invested in arguments or disagreements with them.
This way you can walk away from a situation more easily and not let it damage the relationship.
You can separate yourself emotionally from your parents in two primary ways.
Focus less on seeking their approval.
Be willing to define yourself and your self-worth through your own eyes.
Acknowledge your past, then move on.
Your relationship with your parents may have been rough before.
Remember this and assess the role you have played in your relationship with your parents, but do not let it define your relationship going forward., Often, people do not get along because they fail to consider others’ perspectives.
Once you can empathize with another’s position and see the reasons behind it, you will likely be more willing to compromise and improve the relationship.Accept that your parents are different.
They grew up in a different generation with different social norms and rules of conduct, with different technologies and ways of thinking, with parents who treated them certain ways, that was probably much different that the ways of parenting today.Think about the ways that their lives may have been different from your life, and how these different histories may be contributing to issues in the relationship.
Try using this information when you talk about improving your relationship with them.
Remind them that times change and ask them to think about their relationship with their own parents.
See if they can recall any issues in their relationship with their parents that were due to these 'generational' differences.
For example, if your relationship with your parents is rocky because they disapprove of you moving in with your significant other before marriage, try reminding them that in their generation people were even more conservative still, and that times change and it is in fact quite common to move in with a significant other without being married., It is OK and even healthy for you to think for yourself and to have your own opinion on matters.In gaining a new found sense of autonomy and separation from your parents, you may find that your relationship improves organically.
Engage in self-discovery.
Hold aside what everyone else thinks about you and how you should live your life, including your parents, and ask yourself some serious questions about yourself.
Be sure to honestly answer questions such as "what feelings do I want to feel most?" or "what do I want to spend more of my time on?" or "what are my talents?" or "what kind of person am I?" Consider whether you are going along with your parents' opinion because you also believe it or because your automatic inclination is to think what they do about something (such as about your relationships, politics or even simple things like your favorite sports team, for example). , If you continue to see them as your parents, you may unthinkingly behave in a way that is child-like and promotes a relationship dynamic that you are trying to improve.
For example, if you continue to expect them to support you financially, you may be leaving the door open for your parents to give you too much unwanted advice or guilt you into spending time with them.
About the Author
Judith Edwards
Creates helpful guides on pet care to inspire and educate readers.
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