How to Fall Back in Love With Someone
State your needs explicitly., Ask about your partner’s needs., Be sensitive to your partner’s needs., Stay positive., Manage conflicts., Have “big picture” conversations.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: State your needs explicitly.
Don't expect a longtime partner to read your mind.
If you find yourself becoming frustrated that your partner does not meet your needs or expectations, try having a conversation in which you outline those needs.For example, you may feel as though your partner does not appreciate you because she does not tell you that she appreciates you.
It’s quite possible that she feels appreciative and notices all of the things that you do, but she doesn’t say anything about them.
In this case, you might tell her, “Sometimes I feel unappreciated.
It would help me feel more appreciated if you would verbally acknowledge what I have done and thank me for it.” Another example is if you feel as though your partner is no longer attracted to you because she does not typically initiate intimacy.
If this is the case, tell her how you feel and explain how you would like her to act differently. -
Step 2: Ask about your partner’s needs.
When discussing your emotional needs, be sure to offer reciprocation by asking what your partner’s needs are.
If your partner tends to be less communicative about emotions, you may need to help her find the language to communicate her needs.
Be patient and realize that she may need time to think about it before responding.
If she asks for time, don’t forget to follow up.
When she does talk to you, really listen to and try to understand what she says., Once you have shared your needs with each other, you and your partner should try to put your knowledge into action.
You may even work together to create an “action plan” to implement meeting each other’s needs.
For example, if your partner wishes for you to verbally communicate your appreciation for her, you might set a reminder on your phone to pay her a compliment a couple of times a week.
You could say things like, “thank you for planning and organizing our upcoming vacation.
I know you have worked very hard to try to make everything go smoothly for the entire family” or “it really means a lot to me that you got up and made me breakfast before I left for work this morning.
You do so many little things to make my life easier.” If your partner has communicated that she wishes you would initiate physical intimacy more often, try doing so.
Sometimes a little extra effort towards romance can go a long way in a relationship.
Don’t underestimate your power to pleasantly surprise your partner. , Being overly negative can sour a relationship with anyone, but is particularly bad for a long-term romantic relationship.
Keeping your communication positive and clear and maintaining a positive outlook on life whenever possible can help keep your relationship happy. , Avoiding all conflicts is nearly impossible, and avoiding conflict is not always the best way to deal with them.
Instead, think about managing your conflicts; this may mean avoiding them sometimes (picking your battles) and working to resolve them at other times.
If you and your partner disagree about the process for managing conflicts (for example, if you want to talk about and solve the conflict immediately but she prefers some distance to cool down first), you may need to compromise.
Have a plan for how you will address future conflicts, respecting each individual’s preferences. , Often when people begin dating, they have conversations with each other about really influential events in their lives and their future dreams and ambitions.
After being together for a long time, conversations may center more on who is going to pick up the dry cleaning or drop the kids off at soccer.
Trying to find the time and space for big conversations about life and goals can help you feel closer to your partner again. -
Step 3: Be sensitive to your partner’s needs.
-
Step 4: Stay positive.
-
Step 5: Manage conflicts.
-
Step 6: Have “big picture” conversations.
Detailed Guide
Don't expect a longtime partner to read your mind.
If you find yourself becoming frustrated that your partner does not meet your needs or expectations, try having a conversation in which you outline those needs.For example, you may feel as though your partner does not appreciate you because she does not tell you that she appreciates you.
It’s quite possible that she feels appreciative and notices all of the things that you do, but she doesn’t say anything about them.
In this case, you might tell her, “Sometimes I feel unappreciated.
It would help me feel more appreciated if you would verbally acknowledge what I have done and thank me for it.” Another example is if you feel as though your partner is no longer attracted to you because she does not typically initiate intimacy.
If this is the case, tell her how you feel and explain how you would like her to act differently.
When discussing your emotional needs, be sure to offer reciprocation by asking what your partner’s needs are.
If your partner tends to be less communicative about emotions, you may need to help her find the language to communicate her needs.
Be patient and realize that she may need time to think about it before responding.
If she asks for time, don’t forget to follow up.
When she does talk to you, really listen to and try to understand what she says., Once you have shared your needs with each other, you and your partner should try to put your knowledge into action.
You may even work together to create an “action plan” to implement meeting each other’s needs.
For example, if your partner wishes for you to verbally communicate your appreciation for her, you might set a reminder on your phone to pay her a compliment a couple of times a week.
You could say things like, “thank you for planning and organizing our upcoming vacation.
I know you have worked very hard to try to make everything go smoothly for the entire family” or “it really means a lot to me that you got up and made me breakfast before I left for work this morning.
You do so many little things to make my life easier.” If your partner has communicated that she wishes you would initiate physical intimacy more often, try doing so.
Sometimes a little extra effort towards romance can go a long way in a relationship.
Don’t underestimate your power to pleasantly surprise your partner. , Being overly negative can sour a relationship with anyone, but is particularly bad for a long-term romantic relationship.
Keeping your communication positive and clear and maintaining a positive outlook on life whenever possible can help keep your relationship happy. , Avoiding all conflicts is nearly impossible, and avoiding conflict is not always the best way to deal with them.
Instead, think about managing your conflicts; this may mean avoiding them sometimes (picking your battles) and working to resolve them at other times.
If you and your partner disagree about the process for managing conflicts (for example, if you want to talk about and solve the conflict immediately but she prefers some distance to cool down first), you may need to compromise.
Have a plan for how you will address future conflicts, respecting each individual’s preferences. , Often when people begin dating, they have conversations with each other about really influential events in their lives and their future dreams and ambitions.
After being together for a long time, conversations may center more on who is going to pick up the dry cleaning or drop the kids off at soccer.
Trying to find the time and space for big conversations about life and goals can help you feel closer to your partner again.
About the Author
Jessica Hernandez
Specializes in breaking down complex pet care topics into simple steps.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: