How to Get Along with Your Boyfriend's Sister
Be yourself., Get some background information before meeting your boyfriend's sister., Think about how you're going to use this information., Turn your boyfriend into an ally of both of you., Start off being polite, interested and engaging., Ask for...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be yourself.
It's near impossible for anyone to give you a fair shake if you are being fake, trying to pretend to like the things the sister likes when it's clear you're as different as night and day.
While it's difficult to act naturally at first, affecting a completely different personality from the beginning is immature and misleading. -
Step 2: Get some background information before meeting your boyfriend's sister.
Rope your boyfriend into helping you out.
Ask him about her favourite books, movies, TV shows, etc.
Ask what she likes to do, for example:
Does she like to ski, take pictures, shop
- what? What kind of music does she listen to? Has she got any unusual hobbies? Think of this as research.
It's always nice if you can strike up a conversation about something you're already well aware that she has interest in.
This will tell her that you bothered to ask her brother about her, and therefore that you are interested in getting to know her. , Have you got anything in common with her? If you have, aim to bring her into a conversation about it.
For example, if you both like the same band, you could say, "Did you see their gig last month? What did you think of it?". , Tell your boyfriend that you're nervous about meeting his sister and that you don't want to cause her to feel that you're intruding or impacting their special relationship in any way.
It will give him a chance to reassure you about her and to perhaps suggest some smart tactics for dealing with any particular quirks, preferences or attitudes she might present to you.
Ask him about how his sister has been toward former girlfriends.
You might be able to build up a picture of her prior behavior to help you. , Assume the best and expect that things will go well.
They may not but you can remain the better person by not stooping to any level of negativity she might wish to introduce. , Another example:
If she's an avid DIYer, ask, 'I've been thinking about painting my living room, but I'm not sure whether I could just paint over my wallpaper or whether I'll have to strip it.
What do you think?'
No one wants to hear the unabridged version of your life; however, by being open and light you are encouraging the same in return.
Even if the two of you hit it off completely, don't lose control and start pouring out everything to her.
You risk saying something you didn't want known this early; and furthermore, you will have less to say on the next visit! , Having his whole family around her could make it feel like a "me against all of them" situation.
Can you invite her out somewhere? , No one, especially the family, needs to see displays of your physical interaction.
She will feel uncomfortable and possibly resentful, because it will seem as though you are attempting to control his attention.
Once you leave, you can do whatever you like. , If you like her, that's great; however, if you sense that there is tension, do your best to remove yourself from the situation and calmly discuss it with your boyfriend.
Make sure that you do not make it sound as though you are blaming his sister.
See if he has any explanation for her behavior. , If she doesn't start showing any signs of accepting you, you need to find some sort of middle-ground or understanding with your boyfriend as to how to handle things.
Inform him that you will defend yourself if needed but you won't be provoking anything.
It doesn't do to be a doormat just because she's of his family––once that's established, it'll never stop. , If the two of you have not hit it off, whenever you see her, be friendly but brief.
There's nothing wrong with being civil.
Not everyone is going to be your best friend; however, do your best to always keep your manners at the forefront.
Who knows? In time, the two of you may improve your relationship, but keep in mind that she's known him longer, he already loves her and blood/familial bond is typically thicker than water.
Tread with care. -
Step 3: Think about how you're going to use this information.
-
Step 4: Turn your boyfriend into an ally of both of you.
-
Step 5: Start off being polite
-
Step 6: interested and engaging.
-
Step 7: Ask for her opinion or advice on something.
-
Step 8: Be friendly and open to sharing a little bit about yourself.
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Step 9: Try to talk to her in as neutral a setting as possible.
-
Step 10: Do not be overly touchy with your boyfriend.
-
Step 11: Deal with the challenges if they arise.
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Step 12: Look for a middle way.
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Step 13: Keep is short and sweet.
Detailed Guide
It's near impossible for anyone to give you a fair shake if you are being fake, trying to pretend to like the things the sister likes when it's clear you're as different as night and day.
While it's difficult to act naturally at first, affecting a completely different personality from the beginning is immature and misleading.
Rope your boyfriend into helping you out.
Ask him about her favourite books, movies, TV shows, etc.
Ask what she likes to do, for example:
Does she like to ski, take pictures, shop
- what? What kind of music does she listen to? Has she got any unusual hobbies? Think of this as research.
It's always nice if you can strike up a conversation about something you're already well aware that she has interest in.
This will tell her that you bothered to ask her brother about her, and therefore that you are interested in getting to know her. , Have you got anything in common with her? If you have, aim to bring her into a conversation about it.
For example, if you both like the same band, you could say, "Did you see their gig last month? What did you think of it?". , Tell your boyfriend that you're nervous about meeting his sister and that you don't want to cause her to feel that you're intruding or impacting their special relationship in any way.
It will give him a chance to reassure you about her and to perhaps suggest some smart tactics for dealing with any particular quirks, preferences or attitudes she might present to you.
Ask him about how his sister has been toward former girlfriends.
You might be able to build up a picture of her prior behavior to help you. , Assume the best and expect that things will go well.
They may not but you can remain the better person by not stooping to any level of negativity she might wish to introduce. , Another example:
If she's an avid DIYer, ask, 'I've been thinking about painting my living room, but I'm not sure whether I could just paint over my wallpaper or whether I'll have to strip it.
What do you think?'
No one wants to hear the unabridged version of your life; however, by being open and light you are encouraging the same in return.
Even if the two of you hit it off completely, don't lose control and start pouring out everything to her.
You risk saying something you didn't want known this early; and furthermore, you will have less to say on the next visit! , Having his whole family around her could make it feel like a "me against all of them" situation.
Can you invite her out somewhere? , No one, especially the family, needs to see displays of your physical interaction.
She will feel uncomfortable and possibly resentful, because it will seem as though you are attempting to control his attention.
Once you leave, you can do whatever you like. , If you like her, that's great; however, if you sense that there is tension, do your best to remove yourself from the situation and calmly discuss it with your boyfriend.
Make sure that you do not make it sound as though you are blaming his sister.
See if he has any explanation for her behavior. , If she doesn't start showing any signs of accepting you, you need to find some sort of middle-ground or understanding with your boyfriend as to how to handle things.
Inform him that you will defend yourself if needed but you won't be provoking anything.
It doesn't do to be a doormat just because she's of his family––once that's established, it'll never stop. , If the two of you have not hit it off, whenever you see her, be friendly but brief.
There's nothing wrong with being civil.
Not everyone is going to be your best friend; however, do your best to always keep your manners at the forefront.
Who knows? In time, the two of you may improve your relationship, but keep in mind that she's known him longer, he already loves her and blood/familial bond is typically thicker than water.
Tread with care.
About the Author
Jacob Reynolds
Writer and educator with a focus on practical hobbies knowledge.
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