How to Get Over a Girl You Love
Acknowledge your feelings., Increase your distance., Stop doing favors for her., Decline requests for favors., Alter your schedule., Change your scene., Try quitting cold turkey.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings.
It is natural and normal to feel grief before you feel acceptance.
Don't shy away from admitting, at least to yourself, that you are going through a difficult time.
Understand yourself as best you can and don't reject your emotions out of hand.
Instead, just focus on keeping them under control. -
Step 2: Increase your distance.
Nothing helps soothe the pain of seeing the girl you can't be with better than simply not being around her as much.
This doesn't necessarily have to mean ceasing all contact, but it will mean seeing her less, which may sound awful but is actually the best way to start getting on with the rest of your life.
If you're currently friends, stop making the first move.
Only spend time with her when she calls you; don't call her yourself and ask to spend time together.
You'll still see each other occasionally, but in most cases you'll see a sharp decline in the amount of time you spend together – and an increase in your personal free time. , Nothing says “just friends” as clearly as a refusal to go out of your way for one person in particular.
Doing favors for someone because you are attracted to them will only lead to your feeling used and misunderstood further down the line.
Just as importantly, doing favors for a girl will only have one of two possible effects on her:
One, she will assume you are naturally that giving, and begin taking your favors for granted, or two, she will assume you are trying to ingratiate yourself to her in exchange for the possibility of a date, which will make her uncomfortable around you.
If you buy her gifts without asking (or just because she said she wanted something), cover her tab in cafes and restaurants, offer your services as a driver, or otherwise treat her differently than you would treat any of your other friends, that is a favor and it is important that you stop.
Put potential favors through a simple test.
When you find yourself about to do something for the girl you are trying to get over, ask yourself if you would be so willing to do the same thing for a good male friend.
If not, you are probably trying to do her an extra favor rather than just be a good friend. , If the girl in question is used to you doing favors for her, and asks a favor of you, politely decline and suggest alternatives, such as other people who might be able to help her out instead.
Make up a gentle excuse if you must, such as “I'm trying to spend less money” or “I really need to take some time to finish my homework/clean the apartment/call my relatives tonight.” If she truly values your friendship, she won't mind. , Leaving for school a few minutes earlier than usual can help you avoid bumping into the object of your affection on the sidewalk or in the hallway.
Taking unusual routes between classes can also help ensure you will see her less often.
If you're seeing her in a workplace environment, consider trading some shifts so that you work fewer shifts alongside her. , Very often, an unattainable girl is an integral part of your group of friends.
Try spending time with a few friends at a time, rather than the whole group, so you can avoid having to be around her so much.
If you have friends outside of your primary circle who you see less often, consider spending more time with them, as well.
They'll feel appreciated, and you will be safely occupied away from the girl you've fallen for. , If the thought of seeing her even occasionally upsets you, you may have to plan to stop spending time with her altogether.
Prepare some polite excuses (for example, “I'm studying pretty hard right now” or “I'm exhausted from work today”) so that you can gracefully decline when she asks to see you.
Eventually she will contact you less and move on to people who have more time to spend around her. -
Step 3: Stop doing favors for her.
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Step 4: Decline requests for favors.
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Step 5: Alter your schedule.
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Step 6: Change your scene.
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Step 7: Try quitting cold turkey.
Detailed Guide
It is natural and normal to feel grief before you feel acceptance.
Don't shy away from admitting, at least to yourself, that you are going through a difficult time.
Understand yourself as best you can and don't reject your emotions out of hand.
Instead, just focus on keeping them under control.
Nothing helps soothe the pain of seeing the girl you can't be with better than simply not being around her as much.
This doesn't necessarily have to mean ceasing all contact, but it will mean seeing her less, which may sound awful but is actually the best way to start getting on with the rest of your life.
If you're currently friends, stop making the first move.
Only spend time with her when she calls you; don't call her yourself and ask to spend time together.
You'll still see each other occasionally, but in most cases you'll see a sharp decline in the amount of time you spend together – and an increase in your personal free time. , Nothing says “just friends” as clearly as a refusal to go out of your way for one person in particular.
Doing favors for someone because you are attracted to them will only lead to your feeling used and misunderstood further down the line.
Just as importantly, doing favors for a girl will only have one of two possible effects on her:
One, she will assume you are naturally that giving, and begin taking your favors for granted, or two, she will assume you are trying to ingratiate yourself to her in exchange for the possibility of a date, which will make her uncomfortable around you.
If you buy her gifts without asking (or just because she said she wanted something), cover her tab in cafes and restaurants, offer your services as a driver, or otherwise treat her differently than you would treat any of your other friends, that is a favor and it is important that you stop.
Put potential favors through a simple test.
When you find yourself about to do something for the girl you are trying to get over, ask yourself if you would be so willing to do the same thing for a good male friend.
If not, you are probably trying to do her an extra favor rather than just be a good friend. , If the girl in question is used to you doing favors for her, and asks a favor of you, politely decline and suggest alternatives, such as other people who might be able to help her out instead.
Make up a gentle excuse if you must, such as “I'm trying to spend less money” or “I really need to take some time to finish my homework/clean the apartment/call my relatives tonight.” If she truly values your friendship, she won't mind. , Leaving for school a few minutes earlier than usual can help you avoid bumping into the object of your affection on the sidewalk or in the hallway.
Taking unusual routes between classes can also help ensure you will see her less often.
If you're seeing her in a workplace environment, consider trading some shifts so that you work fewer shifts alongside her. , Very often, an unattainable girl is an integral part of your group of friends.
Try spending time with a few friends at a time, rather than the whole group, so you can avoid having to be around her so much.
If you have friends outside of your primary circle who you see less often, consider spending more time with them, as well.
They'll feel appreciated, and you will be safely occupied away from the girl you've fallen for. , If the thought of seeing her even occasionally upsets you, you may have to plan to stop spending time with her altogether.
Prepare some polite excuses (for example, “I'm studying pretty hard right now” or “I'm exhausted from work today”) so that you can gracefully decline when she asks to see you.
Eventually she will contact you less and move on to people who have more time to spend around her.
About the Author
Timothy Hernandez
Timothy Hernandez specializes in non profit and has been creating helpful content for over 3 years. Timothy is committed to helping readers learn new skills and improve their lives.
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