How to Get over a Guy After a Bad Break Up
Allow yourself time to grieve your loss., Process your thoughts and feelings about your relationship., Let yourself cry or be angry for a short while., Speak to him once., Keep your distance., Remain flexible in the aftermath of your breakup., Write...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Allow yourself time to grieve your loss.
You mourn and grieve losses and endings.
A bad break up is not any different.Remind yourself, you are not really grieving the loss of him.
You are grieving the loss of something you put a lot of your time, energy, and love into, that didn't work out the way you hoped.
You may find yourself going through the stages of grief, including: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.You may not go through all the stages or go through them in order, but expect at least some of them to show up. -
Step 2: Process your thoughts and feelings about your relationship.
Make sure to engage in this as in short bursts so as not to dwell on it.
Don't spend large amounts of time thinking and rethinking everything that happened, but instead set aside 15–20 minutes where you will process as much as you want and then move on with your day.
You will want to process through it to help you get a clearer picture.
Consider the following.
Reflect on why the relationship wasn't working and why you are better off without him around.The truth is that something happened and he was not a good match for you.
The sooner you are able to identify why, the easier it will be to let go and move on.
Remind yourself of any negatives about your ex.This may not be an activity that you are ready to do immediately, but it will help you gain perspective on your relationship.
Note what you learned from this relationship.
Did you have needs that were unaddressed? Did you learn never to date someone you work with? There is a great deal to learn about yourself and what you want (or don't want) when a relationship goes south., There may be an instinct to not let anyone see you upset.
This instinct may come from the need to prove to others that you are fine without him.
Bottling up the emotions, however, can be potentially damaging to your physical and mental health.
Even if it is in the privacy of your home, let yourself cry or let yourself yell and be angry.
If the breakup was bad in the sense of it ending in a fight, harsh words, or hurt feelings, expressing that anger in a controlled way is an important step to moving forward.
The benefit to this is the potential experience of a catharsis, or a release of strong emotions.Another added benefit is that you will be able to release those emotions in a controlled way.
Releasing them in a controlled way prevents emotions from pouring out somewhere inappropriate like at work., You may not want to talk to your ex at all, and that's okay.
You may be hoping that speaking one last time will help with a sense of closure you desire.
It might help to communicate some thoughts or feelings to him.
There may be some questions or final things you'd like to say.
It's important to know you may never find the closure you are looking for in speaking with your ex.Plan a little bit of what you would like to say before meeting with him.
It will help you organize your thoughts.
Ask him the questions you'd like answers to.
If the break-up was unexpected, ask him what happened.
Try to be calm even though you may be feeling emotional or angry.
If the last time you saw each other was the break up, it may be more emotional for you to see them again. , After you have your closure talk with him, stay away and have little to no contact with him.Bumping into him somewhere you know he will be, talking to each other on the phone, or being around him will only prolong the grieving process.
It also risks you romanticizing your past with him and desires to get back together.
Even if you would like to be friends someday down the road, you need to take some time away at the beginning.
Erase him from your phone.This will remove the possibility of late night texting and will help you keep your distance from him.
Block or unfriend him on social media.
Having him and what he is doing come up on your news feed will only make getting over the relationship harder on you.Stay away from places you know he will be if possible.
In light of your break up, friends and family may be willing to step in and help to give you a little time away. , Your talk with him or your ability to keep your distance from him may look widely different depending on your circumstances and situation.
Your situation may not allow you to make a clean break from your ex.Some possibilities are:
If you were in a relationship without any assets or children, it may be a cleaner break.
You should be able to see him a final time and then close the door on that portion of your story.
If you were married and have children together, the possibility of speaking to him one final time for closure is less realistic.
Speaking to him is still important, but you will likely have to see again in the future and will not be able to cut him out completely.
This may change what you say or the goals of your conversation. , Breakups affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally.Buy a new journal for yourself to help you work through some of it.
Write honestly about the relationship, as well as what you think and feel about your day to day experience during the break up.
Getting those thoughts and feelings out and onto paper can be more helpful than you might think.
Try the following journaling prompts: ”It has been x days since we broke up, and I feel...””Dear Jim, here are all the things I've wanted to say to you lately.” ”Some of my favorite times together were...” followed by “My least favorite times were...” , Everyone collects mementos and items as they are going through a relationship.
Now, these mementos could become distracting reminders as you are trying to heal.
Get rid of any special items that remind you of your ex.
You should be comfortable in your own space without being constantly reminded of him when you see photos or gifts he gave you.
If you are not ready to throw them out or give them away, that's okay.
Place those items in a box and store the box away somewhere out of sight. , During times of stress, sadness, or feeling down about yourself, it is common to turn to unhealthy methods of coping.
Stay away from coping with alcohol, drugs, or copious amounts of food.
Spend time outside instead.
Spending time outside will not only help clear your head, but provide you with a Vitamin D mood boost as well.You could also learn a new skill, like photography, a new language, or a musical instrument.
Engaging in positive activities will make you feel better in the long-run.
Unhealthy methods of coping will only distract you for a short amount of time. , Sometimes the best way to deal with a really bad break up is to talk to someone about it.
Call a close friend, tell them what happened, and how you feel about it.
Talk to a family member you are close to like a sibling or a parent.
If you are finding that you are deeply struggling with the break up, or that is has seriously affected your self esteem, talk to a mental health professional or a therapist.If your breakup ended in a big fight between you two, talking to someone can help you process through the fight and address anything it may have brought up for you.
If your breakup left you both with hard feelings, talking to someone may help you cope and can provide validation for those feelings.
If during your breakup harsh things were said, talking to someone will help refute things that were said in the heat of an argument.
If your relationship ended because he was unfaithful, talking to someone can help the affect it may be having on your self-esteem. -
Step 3: Let yourself cry or be angry for a short while.
-
Step 4: Speak to him once.
-
Step 5: Keep your distance.
-
Step 6: Remain flexible in the aftermath of your breakup.
-
Step 7: Write about how you feel and what you think.
-
Step 8: Remove or put away memory triggers.
-
Step 9: Avoid unhealthy methods of coping.
-
Step 10: Talk to someone.
Detailed Guide
You mourn and grieve losses and endings.
A bad break up is not any different.Remind yourself, you are not really grieving the loss of him.
You are grieving the loss of something you put a lot of your time, energy, and love into, that didn't work out the way you hoped.
You may find yourself going through the stages of grief, including: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.You may not go through all the stages or go through them in order, but expect at least some of them to show up.
Make sure to engage in this as in short bursts so as not to dwell on it.
Don't spend large amounts of time thinking and rethinking everything that happened, but instead set aside 15–20 minutes where you will process as much as you want and then move on with your day.
You will want to process through it to help you get a clearer picture.
Consider the following.
Reflect on why the relationship wasn't working and why you are better off without him around.The truth is that something happened and he was not a good match for you.
The sooner you are able to identify why, the easier it will be to let go and move on.
Remind yourself of any negatives about your ex.This may not be an activity that you are ready to do immediately, but it will help you gain perspective on your relationship.
Note what you learned from this relationship.
Did you have needs that were unaddressed? Did you learn never to date someone you work with? There is a great deal to learn about yourself and what you want (or don't want) when a relationship goes south., There may be an instinct to not let anyone see you upset.
This instinct may come from the need to prove to others that you are fine without him.
Bottling up the emotions, however, can be potentially damaging to your physical and mental health.
Even if it is in the privacy of your home, let yourself cry or let yourself yell and be angry.
If the breakup was bad in the sense of it ending in a fight, harsh words, or hurt feelings, expressing that anger in a controlled way is an important step to moving forward.
The benefit to this is the potential experience of a catharsis, or a release of strong emotions.Another added benefit is that you will be able to release those emotions in a controlled way.
Releasing them in a controlled way prevents emotions from pouring out somewhere inappropriate like at work., You may not want to talk to your ex at all, and that's okay.
You may be hoping that speaking one last time will help with a sense of closure you desire.
It might help to communicate some thoughts or feelings to him.
There may be some questions or final things you'd like to say.
It's important to know you may never find the closure you are looking for in speaking with your ex.Plan a little bit of what you would like to say before meeting with him.
It will help you organize your thoughts.
Ask him the questions you'd like answers to.
If the break-up was unexpected, ask him what happened.
Try to be calm even though you may be feeling emotional or angry.
If the last time you saw each other was the break up, it may be more emotional for you to see them again. , After you have your closure talk with him, stay away and have little to no contact with him.Bumping into him somewhere you know he will be, talking to each other on the phone, or being around him will only prolong the grieving process.
It also risks you romanticizing your past with him and desires to get back together.
Even if you would like to be friends someday down the road, you need to take some time away at the beginning.
Erase him from your phone.This will remove the possibility of late night texting and will help you keep your distance from him.
Block or unfriend him on social media.
Having him and what he is doing come up on your news feed will only make getting over the relationship harder on you.Stay away from places you know he will be if possible.
In light of your break up, friends and family may be willing to step in and help to give you a little time away. , Your talk with him or your ability to keep your distance from him may look widely different depending on your circumstances and situation.
Your situation may not allow you to make a clean break from your ex.Some possibilities are:
If you were in a relationship without any assets or children, it may be a cleaner break.
You should be able to see him a final time and then close the door on that portion of your story.
If you were married and have children together, the possibility of speaking to him one final time for closure is less realistic.
Speaking to him is still important, but you will likely have to see again in the future and will not be able to cut him out completely.
This may change what you say or the goals of your conversation. , Breakups affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally.Buy a new journal for yourself to help you work through some of it.
Write honestly about the relationship, as well as what you think and feel about your day to day experience during the break up.
Getting those thoughts and feelings out and onto paper can be more helpful than you might think.
Try the following journaling prompts: ”It has been x days since we broke up, and I feel...””Dear Jim, here are all the things I've wanted to say to you lately.” ”Some of my favorite times together were...” followed by “My least favorite times were...” , Everyone collects mementos and items as they are going through a relationship.
Now, these mementos could become distracting reminders as you are trying to heal.
Get rid of any special items that remind you of your ex.
You should be comfortable in your own space without being constantly reminded of him when you see photos or gifts he gave you.
If you are not ready to throw them out or give them away, that's okay.
Place those items in a box and store the box away somewhere out of sight. , During times of stress, sadness, or feeling down about yourself, it is common to turn to unhealthy methods of coping.
Stay away from coping with alcohol, drugs, or copious amounts of food.
Spend time outside instead.
Spending time outside will not only help clear your head, but provide you with a Vitamin D mood boost as well.You could also learn a new skill, like photography, a new language, or a musical instrument.
Engaging in positive activities will make you feel better in the long-run.
Unhealthy methods of coping will only distract you for a short amount of time. , Sometimes the best way to deal with a really bad break up is to talk to someone about it.
Call a close friend, tell them what happened, and how you feel about it.
Talk to a family member you are close to like a sibling or a parent.
If you are finding that you are deeply struggling with the break up, or that is has seriously affected your self esteem, talk to a mental health professional or a therapist.If your breakup ended in a big fight between you two, talking to someone can help you process through the fight and address anything it may have brought up for you.
If your breakup left you both with hard feelings, talking to someone may help you cope and can provide validation for those feelings.
If during your breakup harsh things were said, talking to someone will help refute things that were said in the heat of an argument.
If your relationship ended because he was unfaithful, talking to someone can help the affect it may be having on your self-esteem.
About the Author
James Castillo
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow crafts tutorials.
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