How to Help Children Cope With Your Divorce

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Make it clear to the children that the fact that you and your spouse are no longer together is not their fault.

   Children can get a notion into their head that the split has something to do with their behavior, attitude or actions.
   
   It is important to clarify early on that this is not the case and that the decision is one that the adults have reached.
   
   You cannot say this enough times––ask your child or children how they are doing often.
   
   Help your children understand that it is for the best.
2. 2

   Step 2: Reassure your children that it's fine to ask you anything about the changes and to express their feelings openly to you.

   This will help to ensure that they are comfortable talking to you and to your spouse.
   
   Explain to them that it is for the better, you and your spouse will get along better and there will be no more fighting between you two (in most cases).
   
   It also makes it clear to them that no feeling or question is wrong to have.
   
   Let your child express his/her feelings (by crying, yelling, etc.) before talking to him/her. , Whether it is every other weekend, or every other week, or whatever else, the children are entitled to know as soon as you do, in order to help them come to terms to with it.
   
   It will take a time for the new arrangements to make sense and even start to halfway feel normal. , It makes things worse when parents fight in front of children––it increases tension, causes fear and produces an atmosphere that is not conducive to caring for the children. , If the children have an understanding of the same rules applying in both places, they won't be confused and they will be less tempted to try and play one parent off the other if they want permission to do something the other parent refuses. , Even if they don't seem to want to, it's important to let them know that the opportunity is always there.
   
   Ask often if you child is okay. , You can never tell your children that you love them too often.
   
   Always make sure your child knows you are never too busy to listen to them. ] Reassure your kid that you and his/her other parent both love him/her. , Be with this person a long time before introducing the kids to the new person in your life.
   
   Ensure that your former spouse does the same thing.
   
   It's not advisable to jump right back into a relationship.
   
   It is not good for you or the child. , Avoid talking about your former spouse negatively and spitefully in front of the children.
   
   Any of these actions can make the children feel like they are being torn between two parents and having to cope with the negativity from you about the other parent. , This is simply wrong––the children deserve both parents. , After you get divorced, try to continue with your normal routine.
   
   Make sure that both of you are involved with the kid(s) and that no drastic change happens to the kid(s).
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   Step 3: Help your children to understand the visitation schedule.

4. 4

   Step 4: Do not fight in front of the children.

5. 5

   Step 5: Work out one set of rules that apply equally to both residences.

6. 6

   Step 6: Give your children the opportunity to talk.

7. 7

   Step 7: Tell your children often that you love them.

8. 8

   Step 8: Avoid introducing your children to a partner who isn't properly a part of your life.

9. 9

   Step 9: Do not try to outdo each other or to be the "better parent".

10. 10

    Step 10: Do not make children take sides or choose a favorite.

11. 11

    Step 11: Restore a new normality.

Detailed Guide

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