How to Improve Communication with Others to Get Your Needs Met

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Sit or lie somewhere comfortable and quiet.

   Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
   
   Let whatever thought enters your mind to just be there...don't fight it.
   
   Observe the thoughts as if they are slow flying birds in the sky that disappear out of view in a few seconds.
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   Step 2: Turn your attention to your breathing again.

   Inhale slowly through your nose and hold it for three seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth (counting for five seconds).
   
   Repeat this twice.
   
   Notice what is in your mind and when you are ready, open your eyes. , Think about what is important to you: your values; beliefs; philosophies; and passions, Write them down (try to write at least five words or sentences).
   
   Don't worry about spelling or grammar
   - just get your thoughts down. , Now write all of your values and beliefs etc under these two headings.
   
   Be as honest as you can, as this is about you, for you.
   
   In heading one, write "I am content with how I live my life according to this value".
   
   In heading two, write "I would like to improve how I live my life according to this value". , Look at the other column.
   
   How many values are there and what are they? For example, you may really value time out (away from your family) and realise that this has not been happening.
   
   Or you may be working a job that is not congruent with your beliefs and this is causing dissatisfaction for you. , Focus only on number one value for the moment.
   
   For example, it might be self care.
   
   Write down all of the things you do, used to do or would like to do pertaining to this value. , For example, you may value relaxation and used to love getting a massage once per month but stopped due to caregiver commitments.
   
   Now write down small steps of how you could have regular massages again.
   
   For example: research an affordable massage school budget for the massage work out a suitable time for an appointment discuss this with others (if, for example you are the caregiver of a child or adult and need to organise someone else to be a carer while you practise self care with a beautiful massage!) , For example, "I would like to have a massage as I really need to relax at the moment.
   
   I hope you understand and I would appreciate it if you could look after the kids/my mother/father etc) whilst I have my massage." If the person is initially reluctant to help out, take a deep breath, speak slowly and calmly and look them in the eye and repeat the above sentences.
   
   Do this three times if you have to.
   
   Your honesty and persistence and above all respect for yourself and the other person will more than likely work.
   
   Here's another example of how you can use an "I" statement if a family member keeps dropping in unexpectedly: "I appreciate your wanting to come over and help.
   
   I would really appreciate it if you could respect my wishes and ring me first to check if it a good time to visit or whether we can organise another time if this is not convenient for me." ! , Notice how it felt to be assertive and articulate your needs in a respectful and calm manner.
   
   It is too easy for all of us, at times, to lose our composure, blame the other person and get frustrated! ,
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   Step 3: Grab a pen and paper

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   Step 4: or laptop/tablet.

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   Step 5: On a another page

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   Step 6: write two headings above two columns.

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   Step 7: Take a look at the values that you are content with and be proud of yourself and acknowledge that you are living your truth with these.

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   Step 8: Number these values you wish to think more about by prioritising the most important as number one and so forth.

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   Step 9: Break these statements down even further.

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    Step 10: Use "I" statements.Express to the other person how important it is that you have a massage and how it will benefit you (as a person and as a caregiver).

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    Step 11: See if your communication

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    Step 12: using "I" statements

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    Step 13: works and whether the behaviour/possibly resistance of the other person changes.

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    Step 14: Once you feel that you are confident with articulating your number one value and getting that need met

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    Step 15: work you way down your list.

Detailed Guide

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