How to Improve Your Relationship when You Have Anxiety Disorder
Lower your defenses., Avoid mind reading., Focus on the present., Acknowledge your feelings.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Lower your defenses.
Feeling insecure in yourself or your relationship can lead to being clingy and possessive with your partner.
Or, you may retreat or distance yourself from a partner, feeling aloof or guarded.
You might have some beliefs such as, “Relationships never work out” or “Nobody will ever love me.” These beliefs can influence your thoughts and behaviors with a partner and lead you to be defensive in your relationship.
If you notice these defenses, do some digging as to where they come from and how you can change them.Be honest with yourself when you act defensively.
Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner and share yourself openly.
Say, “When I stop talking to you, it’s my way of blocking you out so I don’t have to deal.
I’ll try to be more open with you.” Tis might also be a good opportunity to reflect on your thoughts and to ask yourself why you may be responding or feeling defensive in the first place.
Ask yourself, “Why is this making me feel defensive?” and “Is it something I can control?” Then, try re-framing your thoughts into something more positive. -
Step 2: Avoid mind reading.
If you find yourself thinking, “Well, my partner must think this…” or, “I can tell they think that I’m…” you likely are coming up with some assumptions or misinterpretations.
The good news is that often, these thoughts are unfounded and based on fears, which likely are not true.If you jump to conclusions easily, stop yourself and ask, “Is this based in reality? How do I know it to be true?” For example, if you fear the worst when your partner has been distant for a few days, ask what may lead to this distance.
Could it be stress, work, family, or another problem? , Living too much in the future creates problems for you now.
Keep the future in mind, but don’t cling to it or become preoccupied with it.
The list of, “What if…?” questions is unending, and there’s no way to know what will happen.
Focus on what’s happening right now without jumping ahead.While it’s practical to plan for some things (like moving or a job change), keep things in perspective.
Focus on your relationship as it is now.
Remind yourself of all the things you enjoy in your relationship and in your partner. , Feeling anxious can sometimes drown your voice and replace it with fear.
Anxiety can make you postpone important discussions or make you feel like you have to talk about things right away, when in fact, it may be best to give it some time.
By not expressing your true needs or feelings, your sense of anxiety may increase.Before approaching your partner or engaging feelings of anxiety, spend some time with your feelings and unpack your fears.
Then, approach your partner with kindness and not panic or procrastination.
For example, you may want to spend more time with your friends, yet fear your partner’s response.
It’s okay to express your needs, even if your partner pushes back.
Say, “I love spending time with you, yet I’d also like to spend more time with my friends.” -
Step 3: Focus on the present.
-
Step 4: Acknowledge your feelings.
Detailed Guide
Feeling insecure in yourself or your relationship can lead to being clingy and possessive with your partner.
Or, you may retreat or distance yourself from a partner, feeling aloof or guarded.
You might have some beliefs such as, “Relationships never work out” or “Nobody will ever love me.” These beliefs can influence your thoughts and behaviors with a partner and lead you to be defensive in your relationship.
If you notice these defenses, do some digging as to where they come from and how you can change them.Be honest with yourself when you act defensively.
Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner and share yourself openly.
Say, “When I stop talking to you, it’s my way of blocking you out so I don’t have to deal.
I’ll try to be more open with you.” Tis might also be a good opportunity to reflect on your thoughts and to ask yourself why you may be responding or feeling defensive in the first place.
Ask yourself, “Why is this making me feel defensive?” and “Is it something I can control?” Then, try re-framing your thoughts into something more positive.
If you find yourself thinking, “Well, my partner must think this…” or, “I can tell they think that I’m…” you likely are coming up with some assumptions or misinterpretations.
The good news is that often, these thoughts are unfounded and based on fears, which likely are not true.If you jump to conclusions easily, stop yourself and ask, “Is this based in reality? How do I know it to be true?” For example, if you fear the worst when your partner has been distant for a few days, ask what may lead to this distance.
Could it be stress, work, family, or another problem? , Living too much in the future creates problems for you now.
Keep the future in mind, but don’t cling to it or become preoccupied with it.
The list of, “What if…?” questions is unending, and there’s no way to know what will happen.
Focus on what’s happening right now without jumping ahead.While it’s practical to plan for some things (like moving or a job change), keep things in perspective.
Focus on your relationship as it is now.
Remind yourself of all the things you enjoy in your relationship and in your partner. , Feeling anxious can sometimes drown your voice and replace it with fear.
Anxiety can make you postpone important discussions or make you feel like you have to talk about things right away, when in fact, it may be best to give it some time.
By not expressing your true needs or feelings, your sense of anxiety may increase.Before approaching your partner or engaging feelings of anxiety, spend some time with your feelings and unpack your fears.
Then, approach your partner with kindness and not panic or procrastination.
For example, you may want to spend more time with your friends, yet fear your partner’s response.
It’s okay to express your needs, even if your partner pushes back.
Say, “I love spending time with you, yet I’d also like to spend more time with my friends.”
About the Author
Nathan Robinson
A seasoned expert in education and learning, Nathan Robinson combines 5 years of experience with a passion for teaching. Nathan's guides are known for their clarity and practical value.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: