How to Keep Jealousy from Ruining a Relationship

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Identify the emotions behind your jealousy.

   Jealousy usually stems from other emotions.
   
   Often, it comes from feelings of insecurity.
   
   You feel like you're not enough for your partner, so you get jealous when your partner has an interaction with someone else.
   
   Whether or not that's the case for you, you still need to identify the emotions behind your jealousy.The next time you feel jealousy rising up in your chest, take a moment to think about what's underneath the dominant emotion.
   
   Are you angry that your partner is spending time with someone else? Are you feeling insecure? Are you unsure of your partner's feelings towards you? If you don't have much time in the moment, reflect on your feelings later.
   
   Try to spend some time writing about it so you can understand what you're feeling.
   
   Jealousy might also simply mean you have a keen sense of intuition.
   
   Being jealous is not always an overreaction; if your feelings are justified, you may be feeling jealous because you recognize that your partner is unfaithful or treating you poorly.
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   Step 2: Pay attention to how jealousy affects your life.

   Jealousy becomes a problem when it's significantly affecting your life or your relationship, such as if you are constantly trying to check your partner’s phone instead of enjoying your time together, or if you feel compelled to show up at their home or place of work unannounced to check on them.
   
   It's also a problem if you feel like you can't escape it.
   
   That is, you can't let go of your jealousy even if you want to do so.Feeling jealous all the time can actually affect your health, including causing insomnia and depression.
   
   In some ways, it's similar to having chronic anxiety. , Feeling jealousy can make you lose your head a bit.
   
   It's important to step back and think about whether your fears are founded or not.
   
   If you're in a well-established relationship, it's likely that your partner isn't trying to dismiss you or leave you behind.
   
   Think about each situation and decide if you really are justified in feeling angry or upset.For example, if your partner flirts a bit with a barista at the coffee shop but you've been together for five years and they've never been unfaithful, it may be you're blowing it out of proportion.
   
   However, if your partner continually bails on you, often ignores you when you're talking, and flirts constantly with other people, your feelings are probably justified. , If you're wondering how jealous you actually are and whether it's a problem, think about taking a self-assessment test on one of the major psychology websites.
   
   It will give you an idea of how much jealousy is affecting your life.For instance, you can take a test on a site like Psychology Today, which will give you short scenarios and have you pick how you would respond to that situation. , Feeling jealous of other people may also stem from low self-confidence or low self-esteem.Try to work on building up your self-confidence and self-esteem.
   
   This will take some time and persistence.
   
   Try making a list of all of your achievements and assets.Your achievements can be large or small things, such as graduating from college or getting a good grade on an important test.
   
   Your assets may be things like, your loyalty, honesty, intelligence, creativity, or any other qualities that make you who you are.
   
   Give yourself a compliment every day as well.
   
   Try looking at yourself in the mirror and saying one nice thing about yourself every day, such as, “You look beautiful this morning!” or “You are smart and capable!” , If you tend to criticize yourself or to compare yourself to others, then this may also be part of why you feel jealousy.You may be taking these thoughts and running with them.
   
   Work on noticing and challenging these thoughts when they surface.
   
   For example, a self-critical thought might be something like, “She is so much more stylish than me.
   
   I never look that good!” To check the validity of this thought, you might ask yourself questions like, “Is that totally accurate? What evidence do I have for that?” Then, you might reframe the thought as something like, “She is a stylish dresser, but I have my own unique style.
   
   It is part of what makes me who I am and it is fabulous!”
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   Step 3: Evaluate how well-founded your fears are.

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   Step 4: Consider taking a self-test.

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   Step 5: Develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.

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   Step 6: Reframe self-critical thoughts when they surface.

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