How to Know if You Should Leave Your Addicted Partner
Check if your relationship is equitable., Consider the stress., Take a hard look at what their addiction has cost you., Notice if you are compensating for the person., Watch for isolation., Notice if the person is pressuring you to use., Think about...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Check if your relationship is equitable.
In a relationship, both of you should be giving and receiving.
Addicts can be notoriously selfish.
They may be completely focused on getting the next fix (whatever it is), and that fix often comes before other people in their lives.
That means that your emotional needs may fall to the wayside, even as you try to support your partner.
Begin by looking at your everyday life.
If you're doing most of the work around the house, that's not fair to you.
Your partner has to pull their weight, too, and they likely are not if they have a serious addiction. -
Step 2: Consider the stress.
When you have an addict as a partner, particularly one addicted to drugs or alcohol, you will always be worrying about getting that call at 2 am, that your partner has been in an accident and is in jail with a DUI, or worse.
Living with that fear and stress can take a toll on your health and emotional well-being.In other addiction cases, such as a gambling or porn addiction, your partner may lose their job or drain your joint finances in pursuit of their addiction. , Often, it's hard to admit your partner is an addict.
That's the first step.
However, it's also important to look at what it's done to your relationship.
Think back to what the relationship was like before your partner was addicted (if there was a time), and compare it to how your relationship is now.
How has it changed? You may notice it's significantly worse.If your partner has always been an addict, think about how your partner has enriched or deteriorated your quality of living.
Having a partner should make your life better, not worse. , Often, when a person is in a relationship with an addict, they may find themselves trying to make excuses for that person.
For instance, you may find yourself lying for the person or making excuses to your friends and family.
If you constantly find yourself apologizing for your partner, that's not a good sign., Sometimes, an addiction can cause you and your partner to pull away from other relationships because you are trying to hide the addiction.
If you've noticed you've started backing out of social engagements with others that include your partner, take a moment to consider why.
If it's because of the addiction, you need to evaluate your relationship.You may also notice that your partner doesn't want to attend any social gatherings, and they do anything they can to get themselves (and you) out of them. , Your addicted partner might try to get you to join them in the addictive activity.
They might tell you it will bring you closer, or they might withhold affection if you refuse.
Even if you stay strong at first, your partner may wear you down with repeated requests to join them.
Your partner should respect your decision not to engage in their addiction, and if they cannot accept this, it may be wise to leave before you are drawn into addiction as well.Notice if one or both of you need to be inebriated to feel close, show affection, or discuss the relationship.
This can be a sign that your partner is influencing you to use.
Your partner likely knows that a healthy partner is unlikely to tolerate their behavior.
They may think that getting you to use with them is a way to keep you from leaving the relationship. , You may think that staying together no matter what is best for the kids.
However, if your relationship has become so unbearable that you and your partner can barely stand each other, your kids are going to notice.
High tension in your household will affect your kids, so think about whether they might be better off if you left your partner. -
Step 3: Take a hard look at what their addiction has cost you.
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Step 4: Notice if you are compensating for the person.
-
Step 5: Watch for isolation.
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Step 6: Notice if the person is pressuring you to use.
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Step 7: Think about your kids.
Detailed Guide
In a relationship, both of you should be giving and receiving.
Addicts can be notoriously selfish.
They may be completely focused on getting the next fix (whatever it is), and that fix often comes before other people in their lives.
That means that your emotional needs may fall to the wayside, even as you try to support your partner.
Begin by looking at your everyday life.
If you're doing most of the work around the house, that's not fair to you.
Your partner has to pull their weight, too, and they likely are not if they have a serious addiction.
When you have an addict as a partner, particularly one addicted to drugs or alcohol, you will always be worrying about getting that call at 2 am, that your partner has been in an accident and is in jail with a DUI, or worse.
Living with that fear and stress can take a toll on your health and emotional well-being.In other addiction cases, such as a gambling or porn addiction, your partner may lose their job or drain your joint finances in pursuit of their addiction. , Often, it's hard to admit your partner is an addict.
That's the first step.
However, it's also important to look at what it's done to your relationship.
Think back to what the relationship was like before your partner was addicted (if there was a time), and compare it to how your relationship is now.
How has it changed? You may notice it's significantly worse.If your partner has always been an addict, think about how your partner has enriched or deteriorated your quality of living.
Having a partner should make your life better, not worse. , Often, when a person is in a relationship with an addict, they may find themselves trying to make excuses for that person.
For instance, you may find yourself lying for the person or making excuses to your friends and family.
If you constantly find yourself apologizing for your partner, that's not a good sign., Sometimes, an addiction can cause you and your partner to pull away from other relationships because you are trying to hide the addiction.
If you've noticed you've started backing out of social engagements with others that include your partner, take a moment to consider why.
If it's because of the addiction, you need to evaluate your relationship.You may also notice that your partner doesn't want to attend any social gatherings, and they do anything they can to get themselves (and you) out of them. , Your addicted partner might try to get you to join them in the addictive activity.
They might tell you it will bring you closer, or they might withhold affection if you refuse.
Even if you stay strong at first, your partner may wear you down with repeated requests to join them.
Your partner should respect your decision not to engage in their addiction, and if they cannot accept this, it may be wise to leave before you are drawn into addiction as well.Notice if one or both of you need to be inebriated to feel close, show affection, or discuss the relationship.
This can be a sign that your partner is influencing you to use.
Your partner likely knows that a healthy partner is unlikely to tolerate their behavior.
They may think that getting you to use with them is a way to keep you from leaving the relationship. , You may think that staying together no matter what is best for the kids.
However, if your relationship has become so unbearable that you and your partner can barely stand each other, your kids are going to notice.
High tension in your household will affect your kids, so think about whether they might be better off if you left your partner.
About the Author
Joshua Cole
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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