How to Leave an Abusive Spouse
Keep a record of the abuse., Find a safe place to go., Plan what you will take with you., Set aside money., Talk to a legal professional., Make an action plan for getting out.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep a record of the abuse.
As soon as you’ve made up your mind to leave your spouse, start documenting their abuse.
Keep a journal and write down the details of any incidents that occur, including time, place, and the specifics of what happened.
In addition, save any other evidence you have, such as text messages, photos of injuries, and medical records.Store your journal and other materials somewhere your spouse can’t find them, such as at a neighbor’s house. -
Step 2: Find a safe place to go.
Consider your options for where you will live after you leave your spouse.
If you are planning to get your own place, start looking at apartments now.
Otherwise, consider moving in with a family member temporarily, or look at shelters for abuse victims in your area.The farther away you can move from your spouse, the safer you will be.
If you live in the United States, you can search for shelters in your area on this website: https://www.domesticshelters.org/.
If you are in the United Kingdom, you can search Shelter.org., Make copies of all your important documents, such as your photo ID, birth certificate, marriage certificate, or immigration papers.
Gather necessities like your keys, cell phone, a few items of clothing, and any medications you take.
Collect important keepsakes and small items you can sell, such as jewelry.If you are taking your children with you, gather the documents and personal items they will need, too.
Store your belongings somewhere safe.
Consider asking a neighbor or family member to hold onto them for you until you leave.
Don’t let your spouse know you are packing to leave.
If you think they might miss an item, wait to pack it until right before you go. , As soon as you decide to leave, start stashing money where your spouse won’t be able to get to it.
Create a new bank account that’s only in your name, or ask someone you trust to hold the money until you need it.
If you have a joint bank account with your spouse, withdraw half the money right before you leave., Make an appointment with an attorney or another legal service in your area.
Ask how you can protect yourself legally as you leave your spouse and what you can expect to receive after a divorce.Legal advice is often free or inexpensive.
You can access free legal assistance from the nonprofit organization Safe Horizon.
Your state may also offer free resources.If you live in the UK, you can access legal aid by visiting Gov.uk., Decide when you will leave, which door or window you will use, and how you will ensure you have enough time to get away safely.
You may want to make plans for throwing your spouse off your trail as well.Avoid escaping through areas of the house where weapons are stored.
Remove or lock up weapons ahead of time, if you can.
If you are bringing children with you, make sure they understand the plan.
You may want to make more than one escape plan – one to use under ideal circumstances, and one to use if you have to leave in a hurry. -
Step 3: Plan what you will take with you.
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Step 4: Set aside money.
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Step 5: Talk to a legal professional.
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Step 6: Make an action plan for getting out.
Detailed Guide
As soon as you’ve made up your mind to leave your spouse, start documenting their abuse.
Keep a journal and write down the details of any incidents that occur, including time, place, and the specifics of what happened.
In addition, save any other evidence you have, such as text messages, photos of injuries, and medical records.Store your journal and other materials somewhere your spouse can’t find them, such as at a neighbor’s house.
Consider your options for where you will live after you leave your spouse.
If you are planning to get your own place, start looking at apartments now.
Otherwise, consider moving in with a family member temporarily, or look at shelters for abuse victims in your area.The farther away you can move from your spouse, the safer you will be.
If you live in the United States, you can search for shelters in your area on this website: https://www.domesticshelters.org/.
If you are in the United Kingdom, you can search Shelter.org., Make copies of all your important documents, such as your photo ID, birth certificate, marriage certificate, or immigration papers.
Gather necessities like your keys, cell phone, a few items of clothing, and any medications you take.
Collect important keepsakes and small items you can sell, such as jewelry.If you are taking your children with you, gather the documents and personal items they will need, too.
Store your belongings somewhere safe.
Consider asking a neighbor or family member to hold onto them for you until you leave.
Don’t let your spouse know you are packing to leave.
If you think they might miss an item, wait to pack it until right before you go. , As soon as you decide to leave, start stashing money where your spouse won’t be able to get to it.
Create a new bank account that’s only in your name, or ask someone you trust to hold the money until you need it.
If you have a joint bank account with your spouse, withdraw half the money right before you leave., Make an appointment with an attorney or another legal service in your area.
Ask how you can protect yourself legally as you leave your spouse and what you can expect to receive after a divorce.Legal advice is often free or inexpensive.
You can access free legal assistance from the nonprofit organization Safe Horizon.
Your state may also offer free resources.If you live in the UK, you can access legal aid by visiting Gov.uk., Decide when you will leave, which door or window you will use, and how you will ensure you have enough time to get away safely.
You may want to make plans for throwing your spouse off your trail as well.Avoid escaping through areas of the house where weapons are stored.
Remove or lock up weapons ahead of time, if you can.
If you are bringing children with you, make sure they understand the plan.
You may want to make more than one escape plan – one to use under ideal circumstances, and one to use if you have to leave in a hurry.
About the Author
Deborah Hart
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in creative arts and beyond.
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