How to Make Divorce Less Traumatic for Your Kids
Pick the right time to talk to your children., Pick the right place to tell your children., Choose your words wisely., Consider including your partner in the discussion., Be honest., Keep your children’s age in mind., Do not overwhelm your children...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Pick the right time to talk to your children.
Do not simply announce your divorce to your children at any time; this can scar your child and make trusting you a challenge.
Instead, take the time to sit down with your children at a time when you do not have any other commitments, so that you can take as much time as needed to explain the situation.
Do not rush through the conversation; make sure to ask your children how they are feeling and what they are thinking about everything you have told them.
Be prepared for intense emotions; your children may feel sad, overwhelmed, confused, or even angry.
If you rush through your conversation, you are likely to heighten these emotions. -
Step 2: Pick the right place to tell your children.
Do not tell your children about your decision in a public setting where they will have to deal with their emotions in front of other people.
Instead, make sure to sit your children down in a quiet, private place where you can answer their questions.
Make sure to pick a spot that does not have many distractions in it, such as a TV playing in the background, or a spot where music is blasting.
Choose a place where your children feel comfortable, such as the family room or living room in your house. , Try to use a gentle and calm tone when telling your children about your decision.
If you are having trouble, ask the advice of friends or family members who have had to have similar conversations.
Consider rehearsing what you are going to say before you actually broach the subject with your children. , Depending on your situation, it may be a good idea to include your partner in the conversation with your children so that they can see that you are both united in the belief that you should get divorced.
Show them that you have both come to the same decision, and that you will still work together to make sure that their lives are happy and filled with love. , Rather than trying to downplay the situation, or make it more dramatic than it is, simply tell your children the truth; after all, your children will most likely be able to pick up on any false notes in your voice.
Do not mislead your children; instead speak from the heart.
You could say something like “Your daddy and mommy are not happy in our relationship anymore.
We are not getting along well and we think that everyone will be happier if we live in different houses.” , The way that you discuss this decision with your child will also depend on how old your children are.
Younger children are more likely to react to the news with feels of shock or sadness, while older children are more likely to express their feelings, which may include anger.
Older children will most likely ask more questions and will need more information from you.
Older children may ask you questions about where everyone will live, or how the family’s finances will be affected. , Unless your children ask, you do not need to go into the details of your divorce during the first conversation that you have with them.
Topics like moving, changing schools, or having a potentially new person living in the house with them can be saved for a conversation after they have had time to process the news about the divorce.
Remember that this discussion will not be limited to one conversation; it is important to have multiple conversations about your decision, as well as how it will affect your family. -
Step 3: Choose your words wisely.
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Step 4: Consider including your partner in the discussion.
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Step 5: Be honest.
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Step 6: Keep your children’s age in mind.
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Step 7: Do not overwhelm your children with all of the other issues of divorce.
Detailed Guide
Do not simply announce your divorce to your children at any time; this can scar your child and make trusting you a challenge.
Instead, take the time to sit down with your children at a time when you do not have any other commitments, so that you can take as much time as needed to explain the situation.
Do not rush through the conversation; make sure to ask your children how they are feeling and what they are thinking about everything you have told them.
Be prepared for intense emotions; your children may feel sad, overwhelmed, confused, or even angry.
If you rush through your conversation, you are likely to heighten these emotions.
Do not tell your children about your decision in a public setting where they will have to deal with their emotions in front of other people.
Instead, make sure to sit your children down in a quiet, private place where you can answer their questions.
Make sure to pick a spot that does not have many distractions in it, such as a TV playing in the background, or a spot where music is blasting.
Choose a place where your children feel comfortable, such as the family room or living room in your house. , Try to use a gentle and calm tone when telling your children about your decision.
If you are having trouble, ask the advice of friends or family members who have had to have similar conversations.
Consider rehearsing what you are going to say before you actually broach the subject with your children. , Depending on your situation, it may be a good idea to include your partner in the conversation with your children so that they can see that you are both united in the belief that you should get divorced.
Show them that you have both come to the same decision, and that you will still work together to make sure that their lives are happy and filled with love. , Rather than trying to downplay the situation, or make it more dramatic than it is, simply tell your children the truth; after all, your children will most likely be able to pick up on any false notes in your voice.
Do not mislead your children; instead speak from the heart.
You could say something like “Your daddy and mommy are not happy in our relationship anymore.
We are not getting along well and we think that everyone will be happier if we live in different houses.” , The way that you discuss this decision with your child will also depend on how old your children are.
Younger children are more likely to react to the news with feels of shock or sadness, while older children are more likely to express their feelings, which may include anger.
Older children will most likely ask more questions and will need more information from you.
Older children may ask you questions about where everyone will live, or how the family’s finances will be affected. , Unless your children ask, you do not need to go into the details of your divorce during the first conversation that you have with them.
Topics like moving, changing schools, or having a potentially new person living in the house with them can be saved for a conversation after they have had time to process the news about the divorce.
Remember that this discussion will not be limited to one conversation; it is important to have multiple conversations about your decision, as well as how it will affect your family.
About the Author
Donna Reynolds
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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