How to Manage Couple Conflicts
Think about it., Explore your feelings., Talk a little, but listen as well., Create an environment of respect where both can express how and why you feel a certain way and freely discuss your reactions. , Forget winning!, Identify what you want...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Think about it.
You are probably asking yourself:
Is there any other way to resolve conflicts other than to have a winner and a loser? Can anybody develop skills to do things differently? Can I get whatever I want or need, without destroying the other side's self-esteem? Or, even better, can I get it with the other person's cooperation and support? YES! Here you have the easy steps to clarify and manage your conflicts: -
Step 2: Explore your feelings.
Why are you so upset? Explore your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event.
Has the same situation (getting rejected or ignored?) happened to you in the past? Does it look similar to the one that happened then and there? Perhaps you are reacting to that situation, and not the present one….
See if this issue is really about you and your significant other or you and someone from your past. , As difficult as it can be, finding a constructive manner in which to air grievances provides an open and honest relationship.
You need to have some agreement arrived at before there is a serious fight, where both of you say what to do.
Are you going to schedule a time to talk? Or a chill out session? How about finding ways of calming anger? Establish a system by which you two agree to a fair fight, so you have the rules of engagement ready…. and know what to do before hurting each other. ,, Agree to reach a resolution, even a provisional one.
Many of us take a fight-or-flight approach to conflict, sometimes only to make our point stick.
You and your future partner are on the same side of the same team, which is difficult to remember when you are in a heated argument.
Definition of Resolution is: both parties compromising to reach a solution.
It is not about one person getting his way and the other person caving in to manipulation or feeling defeated or humiliated. , Be responsible for your own side and offer your information about your needs and wants.
See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution.
Your partner cannot give you want you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. , Be willing to back up your requests and desires with a solution that is mutually satisfactory.
Sometimes we say no to a new way of doing things simply because we have not thought of an alternative.
Back up your statement with a good argument that is reasonable, and see the reaction.
Don't force a solution that has not the complete approval of the other side…or you will be back at the issue in dispute very soon. , Resolving conflict does not mean to take on more responsibility simply because it is easier than arguing, but sometimes it happens in this way.
A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort to shoulder your own part of the deal.
If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up and it will not last.
Sometimes men are less articulate, but it does not mean that you can shy from a deep compromise to do your best to solve the issue. , If the first solution doesn't work, don't be afraid to revisit the issue and make changes.
Many times what seems doable in theory is flawed in reality.
Do not chastise your partner, for that only will encourage avoidance in the future with other issues.
What you need to build up is on the practice to share the discussion over the issue, the search for solutions and the agreement to do things in a different way. , Send heartfelt messages of appreciation for the effort that the other side is doing.
It is important to keep the conversation in a respectful and appreciative mood, and to say frequently that you are thankful for that.
You are building now strategies of good communication that will last for ever!. -
Step 3: Talk a little
-
Step 4: but listen as well.
-
Step 5: Create an environment of respect where both can express how and why you feel a certain way and freely discuss your reactions.
-
Step 6: Forget winning!
-
Step 7: Identify what you want.
-
Step 8: Generate options and possible solutions.
-
Step 9: Choose mutual action.
-
Step 10: Leave a door open for evaluation of the outcome.
-
Step 11: Reinforce the emotional aspect at each step.
Detailed Guide
You are probably asking yourself:
Is there any other way to resolve conflicts other than to have a winner and a loser? Can anybody develop skills to do things differently? Can I get whatever I want or need, without destroying the other side's self-esteem? Or, even better, can I get it with the other person's cooperation and support? YES! Here you have the easy steps to clarify and manage your conflicts:
Why are you so upset? Explore your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event.
Has the same situation (getting rejected or ignored?) happened to you in the past? Does it look similar to the one that happened then and there? Perhaps you are reacting to that situation, and not the present one….
See if this issue is really about you and your significant other or you and someone from your past. , As difficult as it can be, finding a constructive manner in which to air grievances provides an open and honest relationship.
You need to have some agreement arrived at before there is a serious fight, where both of you say what to do.
Are you going to schedule a time to talk? Or a chill out session? How about finding ways of calming anger? Establish a system by which you two agree to a fair fight, so you have the rules of engagement ready…. and know what to do before hurting each other. ,, Agree to reach a resolution, even a provisional one.
Many of us take a fight-or-flight approach to conflict, sometimes only to make our point stick.
You and your future partner are on the same side of the same team, which is difficult to remember when you are in a heated argument.
Definition of Resolution is: both parties compromising to reach a solution.
It is not about one person getting his way and the other person caving in to manipulation or feeling defeated or humiliated. , Be responsible for your own side and offer your information about your needs and wants.
See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution.
Your partner cannot give you want you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. , Be willing to back up your requests and desires with a solution that is mutually satisfactory.
Sometimes we say no to a new way of doing things simply because we have not thought of an alternative.
Back up your statement with a good argument that is reasonable, and see the reaction.
Don't force a solution that has not the complete approval of the other side…or you will be back at the issue in dispute very soon. , Resolving conflict does not mean to take on more responsibility simply because it is easier than arguing, but sometimes it happens in this way.
A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort to shoulder your own part of the deal.
If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up and it will not last.
Sometimes men are less articulate, but it does not mean that you can shy from a deep compromise to do your best to solve the issue. , If the first solution doesn't work, don't be afraid to revisit the issue and make changes.
Many times what seems doable in theory is flawed in reality.
Do not chastise your partner, for that only will encourage avoidance in the future with other issues.
What you need to build up is on the practice to share the discussion over the issue, the search for solutions and the agreement to do things in a different way. , Send heartfelt messages of appreciation for the effort that the other side is doing.
It is important to keep the conversation in a respectful and appreciative mood, and to say frequently that you are thankful for that.
You are building now strategies of good communication that will last for ever!.
About the Author
Andrew Powell
Committed to making lifestyle accessible and understandable for everyone.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: