How to Resolve Conflict in Marriage
Find a good time to talk., Sit down and face each other., Discuss the conflict., Avoid pointing fingers., Listen actively., Compromise.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Find a good time to talk.
Talk with your spouse when both of you are well-rested and able to focus.
Don’t try to solve problems when one or both of you are distracted, tired, or hungry.For instance, if your spouse has just come home from work, give them some time to unwind before you bring up something that’s bothering you. -
Step 2: Sit down and face each other.
Stay calm by sitting down to talk, instead of pacing around the room.
Make eye contact with your spouse.Making eye contact shows your spouse that you’re listening to them and care what they have to say.
It also helps you feel more connected to each other. , Tell your spouse what’s bothering you.
Speak calmly and avoid rambling.
If you’re arguing about an issue that seems minor on the surface, try to figure out what the underlying problem is.For instance, you could say, “I wish you would clean up the kitchen after you’re finished cooking.
When you leave it messy, I feel like you don’t appreciate how hard I work to keep the place clean.” , Don’t throw accusations at your spouse.
This will make them feel defensive, and your argument could turn into a full-blown fight.
Instead, tell them how you feel and what you think.It’s also a good idea to steer clear of the words “always” and “never.” For example, instead of saying, “You never tell me when you’re going to be working late,” say, “I feel unimportant to you when you work overtime and don’t text me.” , Keep an open mind as you listen to your spouse.
Pay attention to their body language as well as their words.
Make sure you understand what they’re saying by mirroring their statements.For example, if your spouse says, “I just need time alone sometimes,” you could mirror that statement by saying, “So you feel like you can unwind and relax best by yourself, is that right?” , Work with your spouse to find a solution you’re both happy with.
If you can’t find a compromise that works for both of you, try taking turns with your preferred solutions.For instance, if your spouse prefers to use the dishwasher and you would rather wash dishes by hand, try using each method on alternate weeks. -
Step 3: Discuss the conflict.
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Step 4: Avoid pointing fingers.
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Step 5: Listen actively.
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Step 6: Compromise.
Detailed Guide
Talk with your spouse when both of you are well-rested and able to focus.
Don’t try to solve problems when one or both of you are distracted, tired, or hungry.For instance, if your spouse has just come home from work, give them some time to unwind before you bring up something that’s bothering you.
Stay calm by sitting down to talk, instead of pacing around the room.
Make eye contact with your spouse.Making eye contact shows your spouse that you’re listening to them and care what they have to say.
It also helps you feel more connected to each other. , Tell your spouse what’s bothering you.
Speak calmly and avoid rambling.
If you’re arguing about an issue that seems minor on the surface, try to figure out what the underlying problem is.For instance, you could say, “I wish you would clean up the kitchen after you’re finished cooking.
When you leave it messy, I feel like you don’t appreciate how hard I work to keep the place clean.” , Don’t throw accusations at your spouse.
This will make them feel defensive, and your argument could turn into a full-blown fight.
Instead, tell them how you feel and what you think.It’s also a good idea to steer clear of the words “always” and “never.” For example, instead of saying, “You never tell me when you’re going to be working late,” say, “I feel unimportant to you when you work overtime and don’t text me.” , Keep an open mind as you listen to your spouse.
Pay attention to their body language as well as their words.
Make sure you understand what they’re saying by mirroring their statements.For example, if your spouse says, “I just need time alone sometimes,” you could mirror that statement by saying, “So you feel like you can unwind and relax best by yourself, is that right?” , Work with your spouse to find a solution you’re both happy with.
If you can’t find a compromise that works for both of you, try taking turns with your preferred solutions.For instance, if your spouse prefers to use the dishwasher and you would rather wash dishes by hand, try using each method on alternate weeks.
About the Author
Timothy Rodriguez
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow crafts tutorials.
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