How to Set Dating Boundaries That Make You Feel Safe
Listen to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs., Examine problem areas in your dating history., Write down what you want from your dating life/relationship., Get advice from people you trust., Set your boundaries upfront.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Listen to your thoughts
Being able to set good boundaries in your relationships comes down to knowing yourself.
If you’re unclear about yourself, it’s hard to figure out what sort of limits you’ll want to set.Observe yourself over a number of days.
Closely consider your interactions with others.
Notice what emotions friends, family, and dates bring up in you.
Whenever you feel resentful or angry, there’s a chance a personal boundary has been violated. -
Step 2: feelings
Spend some time reminiscing about your previous dating encounters.
Think about how your dates treated you.
Many people have a dating “type”—you seem to go after girls or guys with certain traits.
Pay attention to any commonalities in your dating history.
Also, take notice of why many of your relationships didn’t work out.
Do you often find yourself having to justify a choice with them? Did you feel suffocated or unable to be your true self? Were any of your dates pushy? When you go on dates, do you have a pattern of "going along" with whatever your date wants? Thinking about relational patterns, and why these relationships didn’t survive, could help you identify boundaries that your dates may have crossed., Now that you have listened to yourself and reflected on your dating history, it’s time to clarify what you want.
Knowing what you want can shed light on what you don’t want.
For example, you might say, “I’d like to really get to know someone before sex enters the picture.” You’re basically saying you’re not interested in casual hookups, which is a boundary.
Write down all the important characteristics that you want from your dating life or relationships.
Use these to help you make a secondary list of your boundaries.
For example, you might write, "I want to date someone who will occasionally go out with my friends without complaining."
Do you have a best friend or sibling who knows you well? This person probably knows your dating history and can objectively look at problem areas.
They may be able to point out some issues that you have overlooked.
Reach out to this person to get their input on setting dating boundaries.
You might say, "Hey, sis, I've been trying to come up with some boundaries that help me stay safe while dating.
You've been here through many of my relationships.
What areas do you think need tweaking?" Try to keep an open mind.
You might not always like what you hear about your dating patterns.
Listen to the other person's advice, and try to seriously consider it.
Make sure this person has healthy relational patterns.
It may not be the best idea to seek advice from someone who is constantly in negative or rocky relationships., Early in the relationship, communicate to the other person your needs, limits, and boundaries.
Try to do this before a problem arises.
This may prevent many problems, and it may help you avoid situations that will upset you later on. -
Step 3: and beliefs.
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Step 4: Examine problem areas in your dating history.
-
Step 5: Write down what you want from your dating life/relationship.
-
Step 6: Get advice from people you trust.
-
Step 7: Set your boundaries upfront.
Detailed Guide
Being able to set good boundaries in your relationships comes down to knowing yourself.
If you’re unclear about yourself, it’s hard to figure out what sort of limits you’ll want to set.Observe yourself over a number of days.
Closely consider your interactions with others.
Notice what emotions friends, family, and dates bring up in you.
Whenever you feel resentful or angry, there’s a chance a personal boundary has been violated.
Spend some time reminiscing about your previous dating encounters.
Think about how your dates treated you.
Many people have a dating “type”—you seem to go after girls or guys with certain traits.
Pay attention to any commonalities in your dating history.
Also, take notice of why many of your relationships didn’t work out.
Do you often find yourself having to justify a choice with them? Did you feel suffocated or unable to be your true self? Were any of your dates pushy? When you go on dates, do you have a pattern of "going along" with whatever your date wants? Thinking about relational patterns, and why these relationships didn’t survive, could help you identify boundaries that your dates may have crossed., Now that you have listened to yourself and reflected on your dating history, it’s time to clarify what you want.
Knowing what you want can shed light on what you don’t want.
For example, you might say, “I’d like to really get to know someone before sex enters the picture.” You’re basically saying you’re not interested in casual hookups, which is a boundary.
Write down all the important characteristics that you want from your dating life or relationships.
Use these to help you make a secondary list of your boundaries.
For example, you might write, "I want to date someone who will occasionally go out with my friends without complaining."
Do you have a best friend or sibling who knows you well? This person probably knows your dating history and can objectively look at problem areas.
They may be able to point out some issues that you have overlooked.
Reach out to this person to get their input on setting dating boundaries.
You might say, "Hey, sis, I've been trying to come up with some boundaries that help me stay safe while dating.
You've been here through many of my relationships.
What areas do you think need tweaking?" Try to keep an open mind.
You might not always like what you hear about your dating patterns.
Listen to the other person's advice, and try to seriously consider it.
Make sure this person has healthy relational patterns.
It may not be the best idea to seek advice from someone who is constantly in negative or rocky relationships., Early in the relationship, communicate to the other person your needs, limits, and boundaries.
Try to do this before a problem arises.
This may prevent many problems, and it may help you avoid situations that will upset you later on.
About the Author
Thomas Stone
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow lifestyle tutorials.
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