How to Start a Conversation With Your Boyfriend
Prepare for conversation on the first date., Practice good listening skills., Move towards deeper conversations on the next few dates.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Prepare for conversation on the first date.
First dates can be awkward, even if you have an established friendship beforehand.
Have a vague idea about what subjects to discuss going into the date to save yourself from awkward silence.
On a first date, try to listen more than you talk.
You don't want to dominate the conversation.
Many people overcompensate by talking too much when nervous in order to avoid conversation lulls.
Instead of verbally dumping when silence hits, try asking a question.
Even something simple ("How was your day?") can be a good way to keep conversation moving.If you're just getting to know someone, you need to allow intimacy to happen at its own rate.
Don't ask too many personal, sensitive questions during the first date.
This can cause someone to become defensive and feel uncomfortable.
Do not shy away from bringing up meaningful topics, but try not to pry too much into someone's personal life.Make a mental list of first date questions to pose if the conversation lulls.
What is your family like? Do you like your job? What do you do in your free time? What are your friends like? What kind of vacations do you take? These are all great questions that can stimulate steady conversation on a first date. -
Step 2: Practice good listening skills.
People who are the most interesting are the ones who are the most interested.
You need to use good listening skills to convey genuine curiosity about what your boyfriend is saying.
Maintain eye contact.
Don't scan the room or look at your phone or computer screen.
This conveys a sense of distraction.
Look at your boyfriend when he talks and give cues, such as smiling and nodding when appropriate, that you are engaged in the conversation.Listen without judgment.
While you might be tempted to evaluate character during the early stages of a relationship, try to leave judgment behind at first.
Remember your partner is using language to convey his feelings and the only way to understand those feelings is to listen.Create a picture of what is being said.
While your boyfriend talks, use images in your head to create a mental picture of what is being said.
This can be a literal pictures of a series of abstracts.
Images help us remember, which allows us to come off as a good listener.Do not plan what you're going to say while your boyfriend is talking.
If you're mentally rehearsing your own contributions, this infringes on your ability to pay attention.When you ask questions, wait for a pause in conversation.
Ask questions to clarify what the speaker is saying., As you continue seeing your boyfriend, it's okay to move the conversation forward into more serious territory.
While you don't want to discuss your romantic future in a serious sense for awhile, it's okay to talk about more intimate issues.
Keeping it casual does nothing to form serious bonds, and it could also make you look less appealing as a partner.
A study on dating and intimacy conducted by the University of Arizona found that those who engaged in small talk past the first date were less compelling to their partners.While you don't want to reveal intimate secrets right away, talking about serious, if somewhat impersonal topics, can be a good way to transition into more serious territory.
Bring up current events, anything you've read recently, and pop culture trends.
Don't be afraid to share thoughts or opinions you feel passionately about as this can lead to greater intimacy down the road.Open ended questions.
Stuff like "What's your favorite color?" warrants no explanation but a broader question about taste (i.e., "What are you passionate about?") leaves room for lengthy conversation.Intimacy is important.
Human beings are social animals who also strive to give meaning to their experience.
These factors drive our desire for intimacy.
Accepting you need closeness, and reaching for it, is important to move any conversation forward. -
Step 3: Move towards deeper conversations on the next few dates.
Detailed Guide
First dates can be awkward, even if you have an established friendship beforehand.
Have a vague idea about what subjects to discuss going into the date to save yourself from awkward silence.
On a first date, try to listen more than you talk.
You don't want to dominate the conversation.
Many people overcompensate by talking too much when nervous in order to avoid conversation lulls.
Instead of verbally dumping when silence hits, try asking a question.
Even something simple ("How was your day?") can be a good way to keep conversation moving.If you're just getting to know someone, you need to allow intimacy to happen at its own rate.
Don't ask too many personal, sensitive questions during the first date.
This can cause someone to become defensive and feel uncomfortable.
Do not shy away from bringing up meaningful topics, but try not to pry too much into someone's personal life.Make a mental list of first date questions to pose if the conversation lulls.
What is your family like? Do you like your job? What do you do in your free time? What are your friends like? What kind of vacations do you take? These are all great questions that can stimulate steady conversation on a first date.
People who are the most interesting are the ones who are the most interested.
You need to use good listening skills to convey genuine curiosity about what your boyfriend is saying.
Maintain eye contact.
Don't scan the room or look at your phone or computer screen.
This conveys a sense of distraction.
Look at your boyfriend when he talks and give cues, such as smiling and nodding when appropriate, that you are engaged in the conversation.Listen without judgment.
While you might be tempted to evaluate character during the early stages of a relationship, try to leave judgment behind at first.
Remember your partner is using language to convey his feelings and the only way to understand those feelings is to listen.Create a picture of what is being said.
While your boyfriend talks, use images in your head to create a mental picture of what is being said.
This can be a literal pictures of a series of abstracts.
Images help us remember, which allows us to come off as a good listener.Do not plan what you're going to say while your boyfriend is talking.
If you're mentally rehearsing your own contributions, this infringes on your ability to pay attention.When you ask questions, wait for a pause in conversation.
Ask questions to clarify what the speaker is saying., As you continue seeing your boyfriend, it's okay to move the conversation forward into more serious territory.
While you don't want to discuss your romantic future in a serious sense for awhile, it's okay to talk about more intimate issues.
Keeping it casual does nothing to form serious bonds, and it could also make you look less appealing as a partner.
A study on dating and intimacy conducted by the University of Arizona found that those who engaged in small talk past the first date were less compelling to their partners.While you don't want to reveal intimate secrets right away, talking about serious, if somewhat impersonal topics, can be a good way to transition into more serious territory.
Bring up current events, anything you've read recently, and pop culture trends.
Don't be afraid to share thoughts or opinions you feel passionately about as this can lead to greater intimacy down the road.Open ended questions.
Stuff like "What's your favorite color?" warrants no explanation but a broader question about taste (i.e., "What are you passionate about?") leaves room for lengthy conversation.Intimacy is important.
Human beings are social animals who also strive to give meaning to their experience.
These factors drive our desire for intimacy.
Accepting you need closeness, and reaching for it, is important to move any conversation forward.
About the Author
Andrea Thompson
Andrea Thompson is an experienced writer with over 1 years of expertise in advertising. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Andrea creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
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