How to Start over After Divorce
Take time to mourn, but don’t suppress your relief either., Consider your children., Seek support from friends and family., Prioritize self-care., See a therapist., Participate in a support group.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Take time to mourn
In order to truly move on and thrive, you need to allow yourself to grieve your marriage’s end.
Whether the divorce came as a surprise or was a mutual decision, you still need to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself space to mourn.
However, you should also not feel guilty about any feelings of relief that arise, either.Give yourself permission to cry, binge-watch romantic comedies, or look through old photo albums.
You might journal about your feelings or vent to a dear friend.
Get it all out—don’t be ashamed to release any emotions.
Everyone deals with grief differently; there is no “normal” reaction. -
Step 2: but don’t suppress your relief either.
If you are a parent, you will need to make some decisions about co-parenting moving forward.
Depending on how amicably your marriage ended, you and your ex may be able to sort out the logistical aspects of raising your children.
Or, you may need legal help.
Just know that the divorce process is distressing for children, so try your best to stay civil with your ex.
Encourage your children to talk to you about their feelings.
Offer them support.
Doing so will make the transition easier for them and reduce any negative impacts on their well-being., Withdrawing from your loved ones will only make this process more painful.
Support is necessary during and after your divorce because connecting with others makes you feel less alone.
Just be sure to carefully consider who you choose to lean on.Spend time with positive influences, not people who merely want to gobble up sensitive info for gossip or to shame your ex.
Choose supportive individuals who will listen without judgment or unsolicited advice.
Keep in mind that you might need to reach out beyond your immediate social circle.
Consider joining a single parents' support group at your church or in the larger community. , The process of divorce may lead to you neglecting your most basic needs.
You will find better emotional healing if you are gentle and nurturing with yourself.
Consume a balanced diet of nutritious foods, stay away from drugs and alcohol, get plenty of rest, and make exercise a priority.
In addition to attending to your physical health, you should also schedule in “me-time” to do things you enjoy.
Try reading a good book, walking in nature, or listening to relaxing music., If you are having trouble dealing with your new reality, seek help from a professional counselor or therapist.
Ending a committed relationship can bring up a lot of issues that threaten your mental health.
You may fear loneliness or have difficulty moving on.
A therapist offers unbiased support and can help you learn skills to cope with your feelings.Ask your primary care physician for a referral to a therapist.
You might also get a recommendation from your family lawyer. , Another option for support is through groups designed for those going through divorce.
You can connect with others who are going through similar situations and hear about how they are coping.
This may be particularly helpful if your divorce ended in a nasty way, such as after abuse, addiction, or infidelity.
Search for divorce groups online or in your local area through organizations like Divorce Care. -
Step 3: Consider your children.
-
Step 4: Seek support from friends and family.
-
Step 5: Prioritize self-care.
-
Step 6: See a therapist.
-
Step 7: Participate in a support group.
Detailed Guide
In order to truly move on and thrive, you need to allow yourself to grieve your marriage’s end.
Whether the divorce came as a surprise or was a mutual decision, you still need to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself space to mourn.
However, you should also not feel guilty about any feelings of relief that arise, either.Give yourself permission to cry, binge-watch romantic comedies, or look through old photo albums.
You might journal about your feelings or vent to a dear friend.
Get it all out—don’t be ashamed to release any emotions.
Everyone deals with grief differently; there is no “normal” reaction.
If you are a parent, you will need to make some decisions about co-parenting moving forward.
Depending on how amicably your marriage ended, you and your ex may be able to sort out the logistical aspects of raising your children.
Or, you may need legal help.
Just know that the divorce process is distressing for children, so try your best to stay civil with your ex.
Encourage your children to talk to you about their feelings.
Offer them support.
Doing so will make the transition easier for them and reduce any negative impacts on their well-being., Withdrawing from your loved ones will only make this process more painful.
Support is necessary during and after your divorce because connecting with others makes you feel less alone.
Just be sure to carefully consider who you choose to lean on.Spend time with positive influences, not people who merely want to gobble up sensitive info for gossip or to shame your ex.
Choose supportive individuals who will listen without judgment or unsolicited advice.
Keep in mind that you might need to reach out beyond your immediate social circle.
Consider joining a single parents' support group at your church or in the larger community. , The process of divorce may lead to you neglecting your most basic needs.
You will find better emotional healing if you are gentle and nurturing with yourself.
Consume a balanced diet of nutritious foods, stay away from drugs and alcohol, get plenty of rest, and make exercise a priority.
In addition to attending to your physical health, you should also schedule in “me-time” to do things you enjoy.
Try reading a good book, walking in nature, or listening to relaxing music., If you are having trouble dealing with your new reality, seek help from a professional counselor or therapist.
Ending a committed relationship can bring up a lot of issues that threaten your mental health.
You may fear loneliness or have difficulty moving on.
A therapist offers unbiased support and can help you learn skills to cope with your feelings.Ask your primary care physician for a referral to a therapist.
You might also get a recommendation from your family lawyer. , Another option for support is through groups designed for those going through divorce.
You can connect with others who are going through similar situations and hear about how they are coping.
This may be particularly helpful if your divorce ended in a nasty way, such as after abuse, addiction, or infidelity.
Search for divorce groups online or in your local area through organizations like Divorce Care.
About the Author
Theresa West
Writer and educator with a focus on practical organization knowledge.
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