How to Stay Calm when Your Husband Is Cheating
Calm yourself before the conversation., Take a moment to identify your feelings., Find a healthy outlet for your feelings., Get the facts straight., Find out if your husband intends to stop cheating., Avoid blaming., Think about how to move...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Calm yourself before the conversation.
Take a moment to relax before you have a difficult talk with your husband.
Give yourself as much time as you need to calm down and emotionally prepare yourself.
Listen to music.
Music can significantly alter your mood.
Listen to something that you know relaxes you.
Listen to that song in the time leading up to a difficult conversation.Do some light exercise.
Exercise distracts your mind from whatever is agitating your emotions.
You don’t have to work up a sweat to feel the benefits.
Try taking a ten to thirty minute walk.Take deep breaths.
One way to remain calm is to take slow, deep breaths.
Inhale slowly through your nose as you count to five.
Hold your breath for seven seconds.
Exhale slowly as you count to eight.
Repeat up to ten times to feel relaxed. -
Step 2: Take a moment to identify your feelings.
Taking the time to notice how you are feeling and consider what is causing you to feel that way may help you to confront your husband.
After you have calmed down, such as by using deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation, ask yourself some questions to identify and understand your feelings.What am I feeling in this moment? Where in my body do I feel this emotion? What is the shape of this feeling? What color is the feeling? , After you have taken some time to identify your feelings, look for a healthy way to express your feelings.
There are many different ways to do this, so choose something that seems like it will work for you.
Some things you can try include:
Exercising, such as by taking a walk, going for a bike ride, or taking an aerobics class.
Writing in a journal.
Doing something creative like painting, playing an instrument, or baking a cake.
Talking with a friend about how you are feeling. , Talk to your husband about the affair.
Do your best to calmly find out the general facts about the affair.
Avoid getting too many explicit details, as that may be traumatic for you in the long run.Limit your questions to finding out how the affair started, how often he saw his lover, and who else might know about it., There are various reasons that people cheat on their spouses.
Infidelity ranges from a meaningless indiscretion to a means of escape from a troubled marriage.
Ask your husband if he wants to continue your marriage and is committed to making a change that is satisfactory for both of you.
For some couples this means that he must stop cheating completely.
For others, you may decide to pursue a different type of marital arrangement., It is normal to feel angry and upset.
Your goal is to stay calm.
Getting into an argument in which you blame each other for your problems will probably not help you stay calm.Both partners should avoid making statements like, “This is all your fault because…” Blame will only make the other person feel guilty, hurt, and more likely to respond with an accusation that ignites an unproductive cycle.Instead, try to keep calm by taking deep breaths and listening to your husband, as challenging as it may be.
Use “I” statements that reflect only your own feelings.
For example, “I felt really insecure and lonely when you said you were working late all week.” Be kind to yourself.
Even if you aren’t able to keep calm and avoid blaming, there will be more opportunities to talk with your husband.
The first conversation is not easy.
Couple’s therapy and later discussions will give you a chance to have a calm discussion. , Evaluate the relationship after the initial shock has worn off.
You and your partner will have to decide if and how you want to continue your relationship.
This is a big decision to make.
It is not recommended that you make such decisions immediately.
It may be best to give yourselves a few weeks to think it over and speak with your therapist.
If your relationship had many problems, or if this is not the first time your husband has cheated, this may be something to consider.
It might be time to move on.Conversely, infidelity can make a relationship stronger if both partners are committed to the marriage., It is not a good idea to make any big decisions about your marriage right after discovering an affair.
You or your husband may not be sure if you want to stay in the relationship.
Therapy can be useful in determining the right course of action for both of you.Check with your insurance company to see if they cover couple’s therapy in your area.
If so, call some therapists and set up a meeting.
Get in touch with a therapist that you know, or a friend who sees a therapist.
You don’t have to see your friend’s therapist, but that therapist may be able to recommend another therapist that suits your needs. -
Step 3: Find a healthy outlet for your feelings.
-
Step 4: Get the facts straight.
-
Step 5: Find out if your husband intends to stop cheating.
-
Step 6: Avoid blaming.
-
Step 7: Think about how to move forward.
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Step 8: Suggest couple’s therapy.
Detailed Guide
Take a moment to relax before you have a difficult talk with your husband.
Give yourself as much time as you need to calm down and emotionally prepare yourself.
Listen to music.
Music can significantly alter your mood.
Listen to something that you know relaxes you.
Listen to that song in the time leading up to a difficult conversation.Do some light exercise.
Exercise distracts your mind from whatever is agitating your emotions.
You don’t have to work up a sweat to feel the benefits.
Try taking a ten to thirty minute walk.Take deep breaths.
One way to remain calm is to take slow, deep breaths.
Inhale slowly through your nose as you count to five.
Hold your breath for seven seconds.
Exhale slowly as you count to eight.
Repeat up to ten times to feel relaxed.
Taking the time to notice how you are feeling and consider what is causing you to feel that way may help you to confront your husband.
After you have calmed down, such as by using deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation, ask yourself some questions to identify and understand your feelings.What am I feeling in this moment? Where in my body do I feel this emotion? What is the shape of this feeling? What color is the feeling? , After you have taken some time to identify your feelings, look for a healthy way to express your feelings.
There are many different ways to do this, so choose something that seems like it will work for you.
Some things you can try include:
Exercising, such as by taking a walk, going for a bike ride, or taking an aerobics class.
Writing in a journal.
Doing something creative like painting, playing an instrument, or baking a cake.
Talking with a friend about how you are feeling. , Talk to your husband about the affair.
Do your best to calmly find out the general facts about the affair.
Avoid getting too many explicit details, as that may be traumatic for you in the long run.Limit your questions to finding out how the affair started, how often he saw his lover, and who else might know about it., There are various reasons that people cheat on their spouses.
Infidelity ranges from a meaningless indiscretion to a means of escape from a troubled marriage.
Ask your husband if he wants to continue your marriage and is committed to making a change that is satisfactory for both of you.
For some couples this means that he must stop cheating completely.
For others, you may decide to pursue a different type of marital arrangement., It is normal to feel angry and upset.
Your goal is to stay calm.
Getting into an argument in which you blame each other for your problems will probably not help you stay calm.Both partners should avoid making statements like, “This is all your fault because…” Blame will only make the other person feel guilty, hurt, and more likely to respond with an accusation that ignites an unproductive cycle.Instead, try to keep calm by taking deep breaths and listening to your husband, as challenging as it may be.
Use “I” statements that reflect only your own feelings.
For example, “I felt really insecure and lonely when you said you were working late all week.” Be kind to yourself.
Even if you aren’t able to keep calm and avoid blaming, there will be more opportunities to talk with your husband.
The first conversation is not easy.
Couple’s therapy and later discussions will give you a chance to have a calm discussion. , Evaluate the relationship after the initial shock has worn off.
You and your partner will have to decide if and how you want to continue your relationship.
This is a big decision to make.
It is not recommended that you make such decisions immediately.
It may be best to give yourselves a few weeks to think it over and speak with your therapist.
If your relationship had many problems, or if this is not the first time your husband has cheated, this may be something to consider.
It might be time to move on.Conversely, infidelity can make a relationship stronger if both partners are committed to the marriage., It is not a good idea to make any big decisions about your marriage right after discovering an affair.
You or your husband may not be sure if you want to stay in the relationship.
Therapy can be useful in determining the right course of action for both of you.Check with your insurance company to see if they cover couple’s therapy in your area.
If so, call some therapists and set up a meeting.
Get in touch with a therapist that you know, or a friend who sees a therapist.
You don’t have to see your friend’s therapist, but that therapist may be able to recommend another therapist that suits your needs.
About the Author
Zachary Harris
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow DIY projects tutorials.
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