How to Support Someone Stuck in a Controlling Relationship

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Set up a time to talk in person.

   Choose a private, safe location.
   
   Avoid having the conversation over text or email, as the person’s partner may have access to their computer and phone.Avoid making a big deal of this conversation beforehand, or your friend (or their partner) may be suspicious of your motives.
   
   Just say something like, “Hey, I miss you.
   
   Can we get together sometime soon for a chat?”
2. 2

   Step 2: Express your concern.

   Once you’re together in a private place, tell your friend or family member that you’re worried about them.
   
   Back up your concern with specific things you’ve observed about their relationship.For instance, say, “I’ve noticed that Joe puts you down whenever you talk about looking for a better job.
   
   That doesn’t seem very healthy or supportive.” Don't hesitate to continue expressing your concern in future meetings if the problem continues. , Your friend or family member may love their partner, despite their flaws.
   
   If you talk about what a terrible person you think their partner is, they could get defensive and shut down the conversation.Don’t criticize the person for staying with their partner, either.
   
   They won’t want to talk to you if they feel judged.
   
   Instead of saying, “Jane is bad news.
   
   I can’t believe you let her dictate your schedule,” say something like, “I’ve noticed that Jane doesn’t want you to see your friends on the weekends anymore.
   
   How do you feel about that?” , Let the other person steer the conversation.
   
   Try to suspend your judgment of their relationship, and don’t interrupt them.
   
   Instead, focus on understanding what they have to say.Take the person seriously, no matter what they tell you.
   
   They understand their relationship better than anyone else does.
   
   Ask good follow-up questions to make sure you’re understanding them fully.
   
   Try, "So, what you're saying is you feel like you have to stay even though you are unhappy?" Reassure the person that any abusive behavior they’re experiencing is not their fault. “Don’t beat yourself up about this.
   
   I know that’s easier said than done, but this is her fault, not yours.” , Ask them what they need.
   
   Let them know that you’re there for them and want to support them.Don’t make assumptions about what your friend or family member wants or needs.
   
   Let them tell you what kind of support is best.
   
   This kind of conversation may have to take place on numerous occasions over time.
   
   Just be steady rather than pushy.
   
   Your friend or family member may not be ready to leave their relationship.
   
   If that’s the case, let them know that you’ll still be there to help them if and when they ever need anything.
3. 3

   Step 3: Avoid attacking the character of the person’s partner.

4. 4

   Step 4: Listen to what your friend or family member tells you.

5. 5

   Step 5: Offer to help your friend or family member however you can.

Detailed Guide

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