How to Survive a Separation
Make a note of your separation date., Decide who will move out., Work out the details of childcare., Make decisions about shared finances., Think about what to tell friends and family., Decide the terms of your separation.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make a note of your separation date.
The separation date is a legal date upon which you and your spouse or partner decide to stop living together as a couple.
It doesn’t mean that you have left the apartment or home you share together; these details can be worked out.If the separation isn’t a mutual decision, the separation date is the date upon which you’ve told your partner of your decision to separate, and that you no longer consider yourself to be in relationship.
If you ultimately decide to get divorced, you’ll need to be legally separated for a certain period of time (usually 3-6 months, but sometimes as long as 1 year) before the divorce process can be initiated. -
Step 2: Decide who will move out.
This can be a difficult decision to make, and you’ll want to consider a variety of factors.
If you have children, your decision needs to consider where the children will live, taking into consideration their school and childcare needs.
Other factors to think about include: the financial ability to pay for separate housing, health and work considerations, and the emotional stress of continuing to live in the home you once shared.It’s possible to be legally separated while continuing to share the same home.
This may be more emotionally draining, but can be considered if you’re in a situation where moving out is financially impossible.
Again, if you have children, you’ll want to consider their needs when finding a separate apartment during the separation if you want them to spend time with you.
Don’t forget about the pets.
If one of you will move out, who will take any cats, dogs, or other pets? , If you have children together, you’ll want to make sure you work out a plan for childcare before initiating the separation.
You and your partner should come to a clear agreement about what to tell your children regarding your separation.Be very clear with one another about developing a schedule for who will take care of your children, and what the expectations around childcare might be.
You’ll need to be as clear as possible regarding financial planning for your children’s needs.
For example who will pay for school books, clothes, and other essentials? Make sure you and your partner are in agreement about these things for your children’s best interest. , If you and your spouse share checking accounts, you’ll need to agree on whether or not you should continue to share these accounts during your separation.
If you decide to keep the accounts, you should agree on the way your shared money will be spent.For example, you may decide that your shared accounts will be spent on childcare, rent and mortgages, while a new independent checking account can be used for your individual expenses during the separation.
You may wish to consider requiring both your signature and your mate’s for any expenditure drawn from your shared account in order to provide additional protection.
Or, you may decide to divide any currently shared financial assets.
These may be difficult conversations to have, but talking about these things will help avoid misunderstandings.
If you need help making these decisions, consider talking to a financial counselor or mediator. , You should decide together what to share with your mutual friends, family, and acquaintances regarding your separation.
In addition, you should also decide together when to tell them.
If you have children, talk to them first, before you share the information with others.You and your partner should agree on what should be shared on social media regarding your separation.
Talk to each other about how to best handle mutual friendships and family members or in-laws during the separation. , What are your expectations regarding the separation? For example, are you planning for staying apart for a certain number of months as you try to work things out? Are you planning on attending couples counseling during your separation? If so, make this explicit.One of the decisions that you’ll need to make is whether or not each of you will be free to date others during your separation.
It’s recommended that you agree to refrain from dating others during this time.
You may want to revisit this decision after a set period of time.
You might decide to have weekly date nights with each other during the separation.
These dates can allow you and your partner to renew your relationship in a way that wasn’t possible when you were sharing a home together. -
Step 3: Work out the details of childcare.
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Step 4: Make decisions about shared finances.
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Step 5: Think about what to tell friends and family.
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Step 6: Decide the terms of your separation.
Detailed Guide
The separation date is a legal date upon which you and your spouse or partner decide to stop living together as a couple.
It doesn’t mean that you have left the apartment or home you share together; these details can be worked out.If the separation isn’t a mutual decision, the separation date is the date upon which you’ve told your partner of your decision to separate, and that you no longer consider yourself to be in relationship.
If you ultimately decide to get divorced, you’ll need to be legally separated for a certain period of time (usually 3-6 months, but sometimes as long as 1 year) before the divorce process can be initiated.
This can be a difficult decision to make, and you’ll want to consider a variety of factors.
If you have children, your decision needs to consider where the children will live, taking into consideration their school and childcare needs.
Other factors to think about include: the financial ability to pay for separate housing, health and work considerations, and the emotional stress of continuing to live in the home you once shared.It’s possible to be legally separated while continuing to share the same home.
This may be more emotionally draining, but can be considered if you’re in a situation where moving out is financially impossible.
Again, if you have children, you’ll want to consider their needs when finding a separate apartment during the separation if you want them to spend time with you.
Don’t forget about the pets.
If one of you will move out, who will take any cats, dogs, or other pets? , If you have children together, you’ll want to make sure you work out a plan for childcare before initiating the separation.
You and your partner should come to a clear agreement about what to tell your children regarding your separation.Be very clear with one another about developing a schedule for who will take care of your children, and what the expectations around childcare might be.
You’ll need to be as clear as possible regarding financial planning for your children’s needs.
For example who will pay for school books, clothes, and other essentials? Make sure you and your partner are in agreement about these things for your children’s best interest. , If you and your spouse share checking accounts, you’ll need to agree on whether or not you should continue to share these accounts during your separation.
If you decide to keep the accounts, you should agree on the way your shared money will be spent.For example, you may decide that your shared accounts will be spent on childcare, rent and mortgages, while a new independent checking account can be used for your individual expenses during the separation.
You may wish to consider requiring both your signature and your mate’s for any expenditure drawn from your shared account in order to provide additional protection.
Or, you may decide to divide any currently shared financial assets.
These may be difficult conversations to have, but talking about these things will help avoid misunderstandings.
If you need help making these decisions, consider talking to a financial counselor or mediator. , You should decide together what to share with your mutual friends, family, and acquaintances regarding your separation.
In addition, you should also decide together when to tell them.
If you have children, talk to them first, before you share the information with others.You and your partner should agree on what should be shared on social media regarding your separation.
Talk to each other about how to best handle mutual friendships and family members or in-laws during the separation. , What are your expectations regarding the separation? For example, are you planning for staying apart for a certain number of months as you try to work things out? Are you planning on attending couples counseling during your separation? If so, make this explicit.One of the decisions that you’ll need to make is whether or not each of you will be free to date others during your separation.
It’s recommended that you agree to refrain from dating others during this time.
You may want to revisit this decision after a set period of time.
You might decide to have weekly date nights with each other during the separation.
These dates can allow you and your partner to renew your relationship in a way that wasn’t possible when you were sharing a home together.
About the Author
Joshua Knight
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow home improvement tutorials.
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