How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Weight
Assess the need to discuss weight., Wait for a good moment to bring it up., Tell your partner that you are concerned about them., Make it clear that you are still attracted to your partner., Make love and health the centerpieces of the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Assess the need to discuss weight.
If your partner remains within a healthy weight bracket and only loses or puts on a couple of pounds, there is no need to bring up the issue.
Also, some medications and/or hormonal changes (e.g. pregnancy or midlife hormonal changes in men and women) can result in weight change that your partner has little control over.
If your partner is gaining or losing an unhealthy amount of weight for a reason that is within their control, it might warrant a discussion about their health and happiness.
If your partner is within normal weight range, encourage healthy eating and fitness, but don’t push them to lose or gain more weight.
Instead, aim for maintenance of good habits as a lifestyle approach to health.
You might also consider if your partner's weight has affected their ability to participate in certain activities, such as playing with your kids, going out on dates, or keeping up with simple household tasks.
Consider how quickly your partner's weight has changed as well.
If your partner has suddenly gained or lost a noticeable amount of weight, then you may want to bring this up.
If your partner gained or lost weight over a period of years, then it might not be a cause for concern if they are healthy otherwise. -
Step 2: Wait for a good moment to bring it up.
The very best moment to begin talking about weight loss or weight gain is when your partner complains or mentions being unhappy about their weight.
They might comment that they are having trouble putting on an old pair of pants or are unhappy with how they look standing in front of the mirror.
This is a clear indication that they have acknowledged the weight change, and they are unhappy with it.Keep in mind that most people who are over or underweight are very aware of this fact.
They do not necessarily need to be told that they have a weight problem, but might need a supportive dialogue to help them stay motivated to stay healthy.
Instead of saying something like “Your pants are tighter because you’ve gained some weight,” you should keep the conversation focused around their health and happiness by saying something like “It doesn’t matter which pants fit you, what matters is that you are happy with yourself.
Do you feel like you need to change your weight, or are you content?” , If your partner’s weight appears to be unhealthy to you, you might decide it needs to be discussed.
Once you bring up the discussion, you need to make it clear to your partner that you are concerned about their health and happiness.
Mention the things that the two of you enjoy, and how those things would be affected if your partner’s health was to take a hit.
For example, you might say “I want to see you stay healthy.
I know that you love our hiking trips during the summer, and we both need to stay healthy enough to continue those trips.” , Most any person would be hurt if they believed their partner was no longer attracted to them.
When you discuss your partner’s weight, you need to be certain to reassure them that you are attracted to them.
Knowing that you still love them and find them attractive will help your partner stay confident and give them the strength to make healthy changes.
Make a point to say things like “I am only bringing this up because I love you, and want you to stay healthy.
It doesn’t change how I feel about you, or how attracted I am to you.” , Telling your partner that they are unattractive or lazy will only drive a wedge between the two of you, and hurt them emotionally.
This kind of language has no place in a loving conversation.
Instead, you should focus on how much you care for your partner and want them to remain healthy.Do not use health as a way to guilt your partner.
Saying things like “If you really loved me, you’d take care of yourself,” is damaging to the relationship, and simply untrue.
Use “I” statements to keep blame off of your partner.
Say something like “I want you to be happy and healthy well into our old age, and I think that you want the same thing.
What can I do to help?” , Criticizing a person for their weight will leave them emotionally hurt, and damage your relationship.
This kind of criticism also makes it harder for the person to confide in you, and can lead to secret binge eating or purging.
More often than not, the criticism becomes yet another roadblock to losing or gaining a healthy amount weight instead of motivation.Saying something like “You keep gaining weight because you won’t stop eating pop tarts,” will only make your partner uncomfortable with you knowing their food choices.
Instead, you could say something more constructive like “If you’d like, we can each make a healthy snack in the morning, and take it with us in case we get hungry.” , Your partner is likely to be aware that their clothes don't fit as they used to but may not treat the issue as seriously as you do.
It could be a wake-up call for your partner that you do see this as a major health issue.
Be careful not to shame or embarrass your partner when bringing up your concerns.For example, if your partner mentions that they can’t wear their favorite pair of jeans anymore you could say something like “If you’d like, we can start going for walks and see if we can both fit back into our old clothes.” -
Step 3: Tell your partner that you are concerned about them.
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Step 4: Make it clear that you are still attracted to your partner.
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Step 5: Make love and health the centerpieces of the conversation.
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Step 6: Leave criticism out of the conversation.
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Step 7: Keep your opinion in perspective.
Detailed Guide
If your partner remains within a healthy weight bracket and only loses or puts on a couple of pounds, there is no need to bring up the issue.
Also, some medications and/or hormonal changes (e.g. pregnancy or midlife hormonal changes in men and women) can result in weight change that your partner has little control over.
If your partner is gaining or losing an unhealthy amount of weight for a reason that is within their control, it might warrant a discussion about their health and happiness.
If your partner is within normal weight range, encourage healthy eating and fitness, but don’t push them to lose or gain more weight.
Instead, aim for maintenance of good habits as a lifestyle approach to health.
You might also consider if your partner's weight has affected their ability to participate in certain activities, such as playing with your kids, going out on dates, or keeping up with simple household tasks.
Consider how quickly your partner's weight has changed as well.
If your partner has suddenly gained or lost a noticeable amount of weight, then you may want to bring this up.
If your partner gained or lost weight over a period of years, then it might not be a cause for concern if they are healthy otherwise.
The very best moment to begin talking about weight loss or weight gain is when your partner complains or mentions being unhappy about their weight.
They might comment that they are having trouble putting on an old pair of pants or are unhappy with how they look standing in front of the mirror.
This is a clear indication that they have acknowledged the weight change, and they are unhappy with it.Keep in mind that most people who are over or underweight are very aware of this fact.
They do not necessarily need to be told that they have a weight problem, but might need a supportive dialogue to help them stay motivated to stay healthy.
Instead of saying something like “Your pants are tighter because you’ve gained some weight,” you should keep the conversation focused around their health and happiness by saying something like “It doesn’t matter which pants fit you, what matters is that you are happy with yourself.
Do you feel like you need to change your weight, or are you content?” , If your partner’s weight appears to be unhealthy to you, you might decide it needs to be discussed.
Once you bring up the discussion, you need to make it clear to your partner that you are concerned about their health and happiness.
Mention the things that the two of you enjoy, and how those things would be affected if your partner’s health was to take a hit.
For example, you might say “I want to see you stay healthy.
I know that you love our hiking trips during the summer, and we both need to stay healthy enough to continue those trips.” , Most any person would be hurt if they believed their partner was no longer attracted to them.
When you discuss your partner’s weight, you need to be certain to reassure them that you are attracted to them.
Knowing that you still love them and find them attractive will help your partner stay confident and give them the strength to make healthy changes.
Make a point to say things like “I am only bringing this up because I love you, and want you to stay healthy.
It doesn’t change how I feel about you, or how attracted I am to you.” , Telling your partner that they are unattractive or lazy will only drive a wedge between the two of you, and hurt them emotionally.
This kind of language has no place in a loving conversation.
Instead, you should focus on how much you care for your partner and want them to remain healthy.Do not use health as a way to guilt your partner.
Saying things like “If you really loved me, you’d take care of yourself,” is damaging to the relationship, and simply untrue.
Use “I” statements to keep blame off of your partner.
Say something like “I want you to be happy and healthy well into our old age, and I think that you want the same thing.
What can I do to help?” , Criticizing a person for their weight will leave them emotionally hurt, and damage your relationship.
This kind of criticism also makes it harder for the person to confide in you, and can lead to secret binge eating or purging.
More often than not, the criticism becomes yet another roadblock to losing or gaining a healthy amount weight instead of motivation.Saying something like “You keep gaining weight because you won’t stop eating pop tarts,” will only make your partner uncomfortable with you knowing their food choices.
Instead, you could say something more constructive like “If you’d like, we can each make a healthy snack in the morning, and take it with us in case we get hungry.” , Your partner is likely to be aware that their clothes don't fit as they used to but may not treat the issue as seriously as you do.
It could be a wake-up call for your partner that you do see this as a major health issue.
Be careful not to shame or embarrass your partner when bringing up your concerns.For example, if your partner mentions that they can’t wear their favorite pair of jeans anymore you could say something like “If you’d like, we can start going for walks and see if we can both fit back into our old clothes.”
About the Author
Maria Gray
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in home improvement and beyond.
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