How to Tell if Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is Cheating
Pay attention to changes in the normal routine of your boyfriend or girlfriend., Decide if you feel they have they become moody suddenly, and eager to start fights., Think about whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has stopped talking to you...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Pay attention to changes in the normal routine of your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Is he or she, for instance, coming home from work later than usual on some nights? Sometimes these small changes to a person's routine mean nothing more than life has given them a reason to be unavailable, but they are still something that you want to be aware of. -
Step 2: Decide if you feel they have they become moody suddenly
Sometimes, a cheating lover will displace his or her shame, anger, and guilt onto you by starting a fight, which can then be blamed on you.
In short, they need a place to throw off their negative feelings. , Did your significant other always have things to say, and has suddenly become distant? Your relationship may be losing intimacy because your lover has started a new one with someone else. , Everyone knows this one is stereotypical but it can also be true.
If he or she is coming around smelling like a perfume or aftershave that you don't wear, then he or she has been too close to someone who wears it. , When someone spends enough time with someone else, they begin to adopt their views, or at least understand them.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is interested in things that they hated before, perhaps they are being influenced by someone else more than usual. , Does your lover allow you to touch, or look through their phone, emails, etc.? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding their phone from you, or deleting all their messages before letting you have it, then there is something they don't want you to see. , If you ask whom called or texted them, do they always tell you "It's nobody?" These are also important signals, which show that your boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. has something to hide. , Does he or she become angry when you come over unannounced, or only text you when they are at home, never calling you? These are also signs of betrayal.
For some reason, they do not want you at their home at certain times, and they do not want to call you while they are at home. , If an earring is lying in the passenger side of their car, or a condom is behind their bed, extra time will probably be taken to dispose of those items. , They may be saying awful things about that person, but pay attention to the fact that they are still talking about them 24/7.
They are trying to fool you into believing the person is undesirable, thus throwing the suspicion off them. , Casually ask a boyfriend or girlfriend where they were such and such day, and let them answer.
Remember their answer, and ask again a few days later.
If they are lying constantly, then they will have a hard time keeping up.
They may start to get angry with these simple questions, another big hint. , bought for two people.
If you keep finding receipts from McDonalds with two different meals on it, or two sodas in the cup holders, or a bill for a bracelet you did not get, then watch out. , Or begin to, out of nowhere, change their passwords to keep you out of their accounts.
Normally, if they didn't give you their password to start with, this is no problem.
But if they've suddenly changed it to protect messages they've written, or chats they've had, you should be alert to this possible red flag. , Have his or her friends begun to act oddly around you? When you casually talk to his friends, do they seem anxious, nervous, or eager to leave? They probably know something you don't know. , Questions such as "What would you do if we broke up?" are key hints.
Men and women, both, become guilty.
This guilt can easily be forgotten with an action or item for the other person that makes the cheater seem selfless. , If they voluntarily give you excuses that are detailed and scripted, then they probably are.He or she has most likely projected your questions, based on their indiscretion, and preemptively created a story to cover it all up.
Listen and note any details which are unnecessarily significant to their story (names, times, exact locations, etc.) and keep a mental list. , When they finish telling their story do they shake their head, toss up their hands, or use similar gestures to mimic exhaustion, confusion, and disbelief about their 'crazy evening' or event? Body language is a great indication that he or she is 'acting'. , Keep it a seemingly harmless detail that won't frighten or alert your partner that you are suspicious (specifics are not what you are looking for).
Now ask them an abstract question about the specific detail you picked.
Innocently ask when this 'detail' or event happened, or some other simple question.
If he or she is not being truthful they will give it away during this question. , Did they awkwardly get silent or shift before giving you an answer? Did they stutter or become nervous with their words? Did they look like a deer in the headlights? If so, here's why:
When someone is telling the truth they don't need to think about the answer for more than a second or two.
The details are already there because it truly happened.
But, if this person is lying, they will have to stop and mentally go through their story from the beginning.
He or she will need to remember where in the story this question happened and that takes thought processing.
Since the 'minor' detail you asked them to provide wasn't prominent when they made up their excuse, they most likely won't have a cut and dry answer. , Keep watching closely.
Can you see them thinking it through again? Are they becoming frustrated and starting to snip at your 'dumb questions' and/or ask, "What does it matter?" If so, this is a stalling technique they use while making up new details.
It's also a handy distraction if they point their finger back at you and make you the bad guy for asking in the first place.
How often have we heard, "What exactly are you insinuating?"
Usually your partner will start questioning you and inevitably say, "What? You don't believe me? Do you think I’m lying to you?”. , Eventually you will hear the sweet words, "What? Do you think I'm cheating on you?!" Bingo! , Did you steer the story in a direction to make room for interrogation then blatantly accuse them of messing around? Did you actually accuse them of anything at all? By asking simple questions your partner not only revealed what kind of behavior they have been hiding, but they also spun their entire story out of whack, no matter how solid they believed it to be, and became overwhelmed.
At this point, if you ask them anything, he/she will probably start to sweat, panic, or lose the capability to accurately recall anything about their story.
The discrepancies will flow at this point and soon you will have enough information know if your partner is 'on the level.' -
Step 3: and eager to start fights.
-
Step 4: Think about whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has stopped talking to you?
-
Step 5: Consider whether your boyfriend or girlfriend smells different when he or she comes near you.
-
Step 6: Pay attention to changing interests
-
Step 7: including music
-
Step 8: political views
-
Step 9: social issues
-
Step 10: favorite books
-
Step 11: or movies
-
Step 12: Examine the trust in your relationship.
-
Step 13: Notice if they leave the room to take calls.
-
Step 14: Watch carefully for unwillingness to accept you without notice.
-
Step 15: Pay attention to whether he has to "clean up" before letting you into his or her house
-
Step 16: or car.
-
Step 17: Notice if a boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly putting someone else down.
-
Step 18: Catch them in a lie.
-
Step 19: Watch for unexplained bills
-
Step 20: receipts for meals
-
Step 21: Find out whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has additional email accounts
-
Step 22: or other online accounts.
-
Step 23: Notice whether his or her friends are acting differently towards you.
-
Step 24: Notice whether he begins to buy you gifts out of nowhere
-
Step 25: or she starts casually mentioning an end to your relationship.
-
Step 26: Listen to how your boyfriend or girlfriend explains his or her behavior.
-
Step 27: Notice the response.
-
Step 28: After a few moments of silence and once the story has finished
-
Step 29: recall one of the details that stuck out to you.
-
Step 30: Pay attention to what happens now.
-
Step 31: Do it again with another detail oriented question.
-
Step 32: Expect to be questioned back.
-
Step 33: Wait patiently.
-
Step 34: Ask yourself
-
Step 35: did you insinuate that they were hiding something?
Detailed Guide
Is he or she, for instance, coming home from work later than usual on some nights? Sometimes these small changes to a person's routine mean nothing more than life has given them a reason to be unavailable, but they are still something that you want to be aware of.
Sometimes, a cheating lover will displace his or her shame, anger, and guilt onto you by starting a fight, which can then be blamed on you.
In short, they need a place to throw off their negative feelings. , Did your significant other always have things to say, and has suddenly become distant? Your relationship may be losing intimacy because your lover has started a new one with someone else. , Everyone knows this one is stereotypical but it can also be true.
If he or she is coming around smelling like a perfume or aftershave that you don't wear, then he or she has been too close to someone who wears it. , When someone spends enough time with someone else, they begin to adopt their views, or at least understand them.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is interested in things that they hated before, perhaps they are being influenced by someone else more than usual. , Does your lover allow you to touch, or look through their phone, emails, etc.? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding their phone from you, or deleting all their messages before letting you have it, then there is something they don't want you to see. , If you ask whom called or texted them, do they always tell you "It's nobody?" These are also important signals, which show that your boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. has something to hide. , Does he or she become angry when you come over unannounced, or only text you when they are at home, never calling you? These are also signs of betrayal.
For some reason, they do not want you at their home at certain times, and they do not want to call you while they are at home. , If an earring is lying in the passenger side of their car, or a condom is behind their bed, extra time will probably be taken to dispose of those items. , They may be saying awful things about that person, but pay attention to the fact that they are still talking about them 24/7.
They are trying to fool you into believing the person is undesirable, thus throwing the suspicion off them. , Casually ask a boyfriend or girlfriend where they were such and such day, and let them answer.
Remember their answer, and ask again a few days later.
If they are lying constantly, then they will have a hard time keeping up.
They may start to get angry with these simple questions, another big hint. , bought for two people.
If you keep finding receipts from McDonalds with two different meals on it, or two sodas in the cup holders, or a bill for a bracelet you did not get, then watch out. , Or begin to, out of nowhere, change their passwords to keep you out of their accounts.
Normally, if they didn't give you their password to start with, this is no problem.
But if they've suddenly changed it to protect messages they've written, or chats they've had, you should be alert to this possible red flag. , Have his or her friends begun to act oddly around you? When you casually talk to his friends, do they seem anxious, nervous, or eager to leave? They probably know something you don't know. , Questions such as "What would you do if we broke up?" are key hints.
Men and women, both, become guilty.
This guilt can easily be forgotten with an action or item for the other person that makes the cheater seem selfless. , If they voluntarily give you excuses that are detailed and scripted, then they probably are.He or she has most likely projected your questions, based on their indiscretion, and preemptively created a story to cover it all up.
Listen and note any details which are unnecessarily significant to their story (names, times, exact locations, etc.) and keep a mental list. , When they finish telling their story do they shake their head, toss up their hands, or use similar gestures to mimic exhaustion, confusion, and disbelief about their 'crazy evening' or event? Body language is a great indication that he or she is 'acting'. , Keep it a seemingly harmless detail that won't frighten or alert your partner that you are suspicious (specifics are not what you are looking for).
Now ask them an abstract question about the specific detail you picked.
Innocently ask when this 'detail' or event happened, or some other simple question.
If he or she is not being truthful they will give it away during this question. , Did they awkwardly get silent or shift before giving you an answer? Did they stutter or become nervous with their words? Did they look like a deer in the headlights? If so, here's why:
When someone is telling the truth they don't need to think about the answer for more than a second or two.
The details are already there because it truly happened.
But, if this person is lying, they will have to stop and mentally go through their story from the beginning.
He or she will need to remember where in the story this question happened and that takes thought processing.
Since the 'minor' detail you asked them to provide wasn't prominent when they made up their excuse, they most likely won't have a cut and dry answer. , Keep watching closely.
Can you see them thinking it through again? Are they becoming frustrated and starting to snip at your 'dumb questions' and/or ask, "What does it matter?" If so, this is a stalling technique they use while making up new details.
It's also a handy distraction if they point their finger back at you and make you the bad guy for asking in the first place.
How often have we heard, "What exactly are you insinuating?"
Usually your partner will start questioning you and inevitably say, "What? You don't believe me? Do you think I’m lying to you?”. , Eventually you will hear the sweet words, "What? Do you think I'm cheating on you?!" Bingo! , Did you steer the story in a direction to make room for interrogation then blatantly accuse them of messing around? Did you actually accuse them of anything at all? By asking simple questions your partner not only revealed what kind of behavior they have been hiding, but they also spun their entire story out of whack, no matter how solid they believed it to be, and became overwhelmed.
At this point, if you ask them anything, he/she will probably start to sweat, panic, or lose the capability to accurately recall anything about their story.
The discrepancies will flow at this point and soon you will have enough information know if your partner is 'on the level.'
About the Author
Virginia Myers
Enthusiastic about teaching crafts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: