How to Tell Someone You Don't Want to Date Them Without Hurting Them
Express that you are flattered but not interested., Pause for a beat before you say no., Say as little as possible., Fib skillfully., Use “I” statements., End the conversation gracefully., Keep the matter private.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Express that you are flattered but not interested.
Whether you are interested in the person or not, being asked out is always a compliment.
That person thinks you are worth risking possible rejection and embarrassment for, and although they could have chosen literally anyone in the world to be interested in, they picked you.
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that.
Smile and say thank you.
Express gratitude that the other person thought of you in that way, but clearly state that although you appreciate it, you aren’t interested.For example, try saying something simple like, "Thanks, I'm really flattered that you asked me out, but I'm not interested in you in that way." -
Step 2: Pause for a beat before you say no.
If you are put on the spot, at least pause for a moment before verbally shutting the person down.
This shows them that you actually considered their question – even if you didn’t.
Saying “no” without a trace of hesitation can definitely hurt someone’s feelings., When it comes to turning someone down, less is usually more.
Lengthy rejections and rambling explanations can open the conversation up to debate and misinterpretation.You don’t need to elaborate at length, so keep your rejection short and sweet.
The more you say, the more false it will feel to the other person, and the more it prolongs an already awkward conversation. , If you’re going to make up an excuse, at least make sure to use something that is believable and doesn’t have a loophole.
For instance, “I have a girlfriend/boyfriend” is much stronger than “I’m really busy this week” or “I’m just not ready to date right now.”, Instead of using language describing why you don’t want them, try putting the focus on yourself instead.
Simple statements such as, “I don’t see you that way, I’m sorry” and “I really like you as a person, but I don’t feel a connection between us” are easier to digest than “You aren’t my type."
Both of you are probably feeling awkward and uncomfortable at this point, but try to end the conversation on a positive or lighthearted note.
If it seems appropriate, try using a little humor.
At the very least, offer a sincere smile and excuse yourself.
Make a quick exit.
Continuing the conversation or hanging around after the deed is done can be confusing and unpleasant for the other person.You might want to keep the conversation going in an effort to try to act normal and make the other person feel better about the rejection, but the kindest thing to do is end the encounter as soon as possible. , There is no reason to discuss the matter at all with co-workers or at length with your friends.
Be respectful of the other person’s feelings.
Being rejected is difficult enough without having to navigate the additional problem of feeling ashamed about it in front of other people. -
Step 3: Say as little as possible.
-
Step 4: Fib skillfully.
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Step 5: Use “I” statements.
-
Step 6: End the conversation gracefully.
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Step 7: Keep the matter private.
Detailed Guide
Whether you are interested in the person or not, being asked out is always a compliment.
That person thinks you are worth risking possible rejection and embarrassment for, and although they could have chosen literally anyone in the world to be interested in, they picked you.
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that.
Smile and say thank you.
Express gratitude that the other person thought of you in that way, but clearly state that although you appreciate it, you aren’t interested.For example, try saying something simple like, "Thanks, I'm really flattered that you asked me out, but I'm not interested in you in that way."
If you are put on the spot, at least pause for a moment before verbally shutting the person down.
This shows them that you actually considered their question – even if you didn’t.
Saying “no” without a trace of hesitation can definitely hurt someone’s feelings., When it comes to turning someone down, less is usually more.
Lengthy rejections and rambling explanations can open the conversation up to debate and misinterpretation.You don’t need to elaborate at length, so keep your rejection short and sweet.
The more you say, the more false it will feel to the other person, and the more it prolongs an already awkward conversation. , If you’re going to make up an excuse, at least make sure to use something that is believable and doesn’t have a loophole.
For instance, “I have a girlfriend/boyfriend” is much stronger than “I’m really busy this week” or “I’m just not ready to date right now.”, Instead of using language describing why you don’t want them, try putting the focus on yourself instead.
Simple statements such as, “I don’t see you that way, I’m sorry” and “I really like you as a person, but I don’t feel a connection between us” are easier to digest than “You aren’t my type."
Both of you are probably feeling awkward and uncomfortable at this point, but try to end the conversation on a positive or lighthearted note.
If it seems appropriate, try using a little humor.
At the very least, offer a sincere smile and excuse yourself.
Make a quick exit.
Continuing the conversation or hanging around after the deed is done can be confusing and unpleasant for the other person.You might want to keep the conversation going in an effort to try to act normal and make the other person feel better about the rejection, but the kindest thing to do is end the encounter as soon as possible. , There is no reason to discuss the matter at all with co-workers or at length with your friends.
Be respectful of the other person’s feelings.
Being rejected is difficult enough without having to navigate the additional problem of feeling ashamed about it in front of other people.
About the Author
Stephen Jordan
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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