How to Tell Someone You Still Love Them
Make sure that you mean it., Talk over your feelings with a friend., Write down your feelings., Put yourself in his or her shoes., Figure out what went wrong.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make sure that you mean it.
If you're going to tell someone that you still love them, you should be certain that you do, indeed, still love them.
Try to gain a clear perspective on the situation.
Clarify why you are telling this person that you still love them, and try to imagine how he or she will react.
Ask yourself what you hope to gain from saying this.
Perhaps you are trying to win someone back, or apologize for something that you did, or simply reaffirm your feelings. -
Step 2: Talk over your feelings with a friend.
Find someone mature and trustworthy – ideally, someone who is experienced with navigating the waters of love.
Ask your friend for advice.
Test out the words that you want to say.
Talk out the situation in order to clarify your thoughts.
Do not take this person's advice without considering the situation for yourself! It can help to confide your feelings in a friend who personally knows the object of your love.
Be careful, though: you don't want to tell someone who will gossip and spread the word! , Try brainstorming and writing in stream-of-consciousness in order to explore your thoughts more effectively.
Make sure that you don't just want your partner back out of loneliness, guilt, power, or fear – nor any other reason, save love.
Be true to yourself and the other person.Ultimately, you will need to forgive yourself and your partner.
Avoid conditional forgiveness.
Let go.
Look at what you want, but also what the relationship needs.
If the case is conditional, such as, "I love you, but I want you to stop drinking," then you may need an third-party counselor, friend, or relative to help you and your partner.
Ultimately it is up to your partner to choose to change themselves.
You cannot change them directly. , Think about the situation from the perspective of the person that you love.
Ask yourself whether this person still loves you, and whether he/she will be receptive to your admission.
Love is a two-way street, so try not to make it all about your own feelings! Be aware of the impact that your words will have.
You might stir up old feelings, and you might destabilize the new life that this person is trying to build.
Ask yourself whether you intend to follow through on your words.
Consider that it is sometimes best to "let sleeping dogs lie." If it has been a while since your relationship with this person ended, then it may not be appropriate to confess your love.
This might be especially true if he/she is in the middle of building a relationship with someone else. , Simple mistakes or problems happen, such as forgetting an anniversary or being late or absent one too many times to a special event, but when there is an innocent explanation most problems resolve themselves.
Do not rush back into things without understanding why the relationship ran aground.
Determine whether distance is the cause.
The uncertainty can lead you to paranoia about what the other partner is doing, or with whom they spend time.
If you will be separated for months at a time, then you may need to make a plan to keep the relationship alive.
Consider taking a break, or opening up the relationship, or moving to wherever your partner is.
You may find that you disagree on certain matters that feel central to your partnership: religious, political, familial, or lifestyle choices.
Perhaps your partner wants children, but you do not; perhaps the two of you have begun to fight about which candidate to support in the upcoming election.
Consider whether these things are more important than the love you have for this person. -
Step 3: Write down your feelings.
-
Step 4: Put yourself in his or her shoes.
-
Step 5: Figure out what went wrong.
Detailed Guide
If you're going to tell someone that you still love them, you should be certain that you do, indeed, still love them.
Try to gain a clear perspective on the situation.
Clarify why you are telling this person that you still love them, and try to imagine how he or she will react.
Ask yourself what you hope to gain from saying this.
Perhaps you are trying to win someone back, or apologize for something that you did, or simply reaffirm your feelings.
Find someone mature and trustworthy – ideally, someone who is experienced with navigating the waters of love.
Ask your friend for advice.
Test out the words that you want to say.
Talk out the situation in order to clarify your thoughts.
Do not take this person's advice without considering the situation for yourself! It can help to confide your feelings in a friend who personally knows the object of your love.
Be careful, though: you don't want to tell someone who will gossip and spread the word! , Try brainstorming and writing in stream-of-consciousness in order to explore your thoughts more effectively.
Make sure that you don't just want your partner back out of loneliness, guilt, power, or fear – nor any other reason, save love.
Be true to yourself and the other person.Ultimately, you will need to forgive yourself and your partner.
Avoid conditional forgiveness.
Let go.
Look at what you want, but also what the relationship needs.
If the case is conditional, such as, "I love you, but I want you to stop drinking," then you may need an third-party counselor, friend, or relative to help you and your partner.
Ultimately it is up to your partner to choose to change themselves.
You cannot change them directly. , Think about the situation from the perspective of the person that you love.
Ask yourself whether this person still loves you, and whether he/she will be receptive to your admission.
Love is a two-way street, so try not to make it all about your own feelings! Be aware of the impact that your words will have.
You might stir up old feelings, and you might destabilize the new life that this person is trying to build.
Ask yourself whether you intend to follow through on your words.
Consider that it is sometimes best to "let sleeping dogs lie." If it has been a while since your relationship with this person ended, then it may not be appropriate to confess your love.
This might be especially true if he/she is in the middle of building a relationship with someone else. , Simple mistakes or problems happen, such as forgetting an anniversary or being late or absent one too many times to a special event, but when there is an innocent explanation most problems resolve themselves.
Do not rush back into things without understanding why the relationship ran aground.
Determine whether distance is the cause.
The uncertainty can lead you to paranoia about what the other partner is doing, or with whom they spend time.
If you will be separated for months at a time, then you may need to make a plan to keep the relationship alive.
Consider taking a break, or opening up the relationship, or moving to wherever your partner is.
You may find that you disagree on certain matters that feel central to your partnership: religious, political, familial, or lifestyle choices.
Perhaps your partner wants children, but you do not; perhaps the two of you have begun to fight about which candidate to support in the upcoming election.
Consider whether these things are more important than the love you have for this person.
About the Author
Justin West
Brings years of experience writing about crafts and related subjects.
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